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Original poster

Custody arrangements during isolation?

15 replies

HariPnut · 18/03/2020 21:40

Hi

I'm in such a state I don't know what to do about this.

DS lives with me and DH and the child DH and I share together. His bio dad has him every other weekend usually.

DH is coming home from hospital on Friday and is having cancer treatment. I have been self isolating with the children as we can't risk making DH sick.

DS's dad was meant to be taking DS out for his birthday this weekend. I'm not happy to have him go anywhere and come back while DH is so vulnerable.

What should i do in this situation?

He's asked to take him and keep him for however long this goes on for and i can't bear the thought of that when it could be months and months.

Please help

OP posts:
Original poster
HariPnut · 18/03/2020 21:41

Sorry i should add, our arrangements are not court ordered we have no legal agreement

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 18/03/2020 21:44

What would your son want? I can't see anything wrong with your son staying with his dad for the duration why would that be so bad.

Beesisabuzzin · 18/03/2020 21:46

It would be bad because she's his mum! This could go on for months. Jeez.

Original poster
HariPnut · 18/03/2020 21:47

Ive never been away from DS for more than a week and the thought of not seeing him for 6 months is so painful.

Maybe i am being selfish I dont know.

I just want to keep him safe here

OP posts:
DuLANGDuLANGDuLANG · 18/03/2020 21:47

We’re similar. Littlest DD is immunocompromised but middle lives with her mum in the week.

Not sure yet what we are going to do. The most sensible option seems to be for DsD to stay with resident parent and DH to try and pay extra maintenance. DH could potentially take DsD out somewhere open air and return to mum without bringing her home to us. Seems very sad though. Thank goodness for Skype.

I would say it’s best for DS to stay with you and for you all to social distance, with DH isolating as much as possible but understand that’s a difficult line to draw. Would DS be better off at Dad’s? Will Dad have to work? At least there will always be someone home at your house and now that schools have shut the danger to DH is minimised. Plus, better for siblings to be together. I would want him home in your position, definitely.

Mummyneedsginnow · 18/03/2020 21:49

My daughter (8) Special Needs goes to stay with her dad once a week over night, he lives in a house with 4 other single men (not necessarily relevant) 2 of whom speak little English (again only relevant in respect of discussing things with them)
It is shared facilities and tbh not the cleanest place (mine isn't a palace of course)
My concern I guess is that it's not easy in such an environment to keep things clean ie kitchen bathroom etc, with current issues and two other vulnerable family members (diabetes and stg4 cancer) I am worried, I'm fully prepared to hear I'm being ridiculous, however please be kind, I don't want to deprive my daughter of time with her dad but at same time want to keep her and family safe

Thankyou

Sorry I've pasted over because I'm stumped too as to what to do, sorry,

IpeartreeI · 18/03/2020 21:53

Can you trust his dad to hand him back at the end of it? He may claim that your ds has got used to living with him and he can't be uprooted so his place would then become the main residence.

Don't make any hasty decisions.

Original poster
HariPnut · 18/03/2020 21:55

DS does also have a sibling at his dads house.

I'm worried his dad won't keep him as safe as he would be with us. But that may be my own issue to deal with.

Main point being if I send him now he cant come back here until this is over and I have no idea how long that will be.

OP posts:
Original poster
HariPnut · 18/03/2020 21:56

Ipeartreel that has also crossed my mind too, not that he has form for that kind of thing but afer 6 months he could feel differently.

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 18/03/2020 21:57

His dad probably feels the same way as you about not seeing him for 6 months.

I don’t know the answer, but I’m not sure there’s a way to do this that’s fair to anyone.

Mrsjayy · 18/03/2020 22:00

It would be bad because she's his mum! This could go on for months. Jeez.

He is his dad you didn't have to be rude we are all on edge atm I was only asking.

Original poster
HariPnut · 18/03/2020 22:28

I know whatever arrangement we make someone will miss out but in my opinion if DS has to be somewhere for an unknown amount of time, possibly months, it should be his home.

OP posts:
Original poster
HariPnut · 19/03/2020 01:07

I can't sleep for feeling so bloody sick over this

OP posts:
DuLANGDuLANGDuLANG · 19/03/2020 08:03

if DS has to be somewhere for an unknown amount of time, possibly months, it should be his home.

I agree. We’re on the other side (the non resident parents) and while it’s horrible to have to make the choice, the main residence has to be prioritised.

Got to find ways to stay in touch so DsD doesn’t feel abandoned.

Mrsjayy · 19/03/2020 09:31

Keep him with you don't have sleepless nights about it you are main carer as you said you have enough on your plate without worrying about him being awayFlowers

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