Take 80yo FIL into my household for isolation or risk him living alone?

[rjebgf]

I don't know how to help my FIL. It's a new situation up until this week, he'd been living with MIL. They are 100 miles away.

Both frail, I would say co dependent. Between them they could just about manage as their disabilities were different. eg MIL's mind was sharper for day to day thinking, but her memory was gone. FIL's memory is good but his day to day ability to know how to proceed/process was much worse than MILs. MIL could drive, FIL couldn't because of a physical problem. FIL however could walk, MIL could not etc.

Now my poor MIL has only days to live, she's in hospital and will not return home. She may be discharged, but only to a care facility.

Should I take FIL into my household for the duration of the corona problems or should I leave him in his own home? My household is a busy family household, although I have now kept my kids off school from yesterday and I only go out for essentials - food shopping. We can almost lock down, other than the essentials.

One third of cases come from your own household and I do not want to infect my FIL. However if I leave him alone, he cannot drive to Tesco and will rely on a small co-op, and to do this he will need to go out the door obviously. Even if he gets neighbours to leave food for him, he is still at high risk of falling (he has done this before and MIL has called ambulance). He has no smart phone and no internet and says that he cannot manage them, I am willing to buy them for him. He has only the landline. He will literally eat crackers or chocolate or cheese and bread if he can get it as he has not used the oven before and is afraid of using it. He cannot use hobs. I have 2 kids, 12/14. They could have picked something up at school. He's visited MIL in hospital so he could have picked up something there.

What the hell should I do?
FIL also doesn't really get the corona situation as he doesn't really read the news and doesn't have internet.
He's a lovely man and would probably do what I instructed him.

Take him in if you can.

Would he rather fall and die by himself or risk catching Corona virus and die. Either scenario is awful but I know I'd rather live a happy 6 months than a lonely miserable 6.

Take him in if he is open to the Idea. He will sadly be grieving his wife soon and isolation for our elders is crushing enough without ill health and losing his partner added to it.

What a sad situation. Would he be happier living with you? It's lovely that you can offer this and I would say that's the best option if you can. Best of luck.

I couldn't in good conscience leave him alone. And if the army is drafted in then you won't be able to travel any distance so you won't be able to see him if he's not very local. Take him in.

Take him in. It'll be awful for him on his own.

Sorry to hear this.

What a difficult situation .

Obviously in most circumstances I'd advise not brining him to your home, but I think your circumstances are exceptional.

In your case I'd bring him to you, but I'd insist on very strict hygiene in the home.

I don't know your circumstances but if I was faced with this I'd turn over my bedroom with en-suite for his use. Fix up a TV/chair in the room and try and isolate him as far as possible from daily family life.

Obviously popping in (after washing hands) to chat and having a stroll outside etc I'm not suggesting locking him in a room alone for months but yet as far as possible to keep him away from the kids and communal rooms whilst still being on hand to offer support and comfort.

You poor things. No sensible advice other than that it does seem better for him to be cared for by you because he'll be so generally disorientated and if he were to fall and have a hospital admission for other purposes it would be bad news too. How lovely and kind you sound! Very best of luck to you.

I'd take him in until all this has finished. I wouldn't want him living alone, widowed and sad.

Take him in x

This situation is awful. Try to isolate him as far as possibly for the first 7 days, to make sure you don't infect him.

The situation for lone elderly people is dire.

I'd take him in too. The only reason not to would be the fear of him catching it from you guys, but as long as you're all well the risk is no greater than if he was on his own having to go out into the community to buy food. And if he's living on his own, he will he be exposed to other risks like falling. On balance it would be safer with you. When you add in the fact that he will be lonely and grieving, it makes even more sense to take him in.

Take him in. Being alone for 12 weeks would probably finish him off.

How sad :( i wouldnt leave him on his own take him in

My FIL died two weeks ago, leaving MIL alone. We have discussed with her and she prefers to stay home alone. She feels safer in her own environment, in her own space, than coming here where there are kids and more coming and going. She is more independent than your FIL by the sound of it, but also 100 miles away with concurrent health problems. There is no easy answer, you can only do the best with the information available at the time.

@ThunderboltandLightning
What did you decide to do ?

rjebgf how are things ?