A thread for lone (and not in a relationship) parents

[Doyoumind]

I know there are many groups who are facing challenges at the moment but thought I would start a thread for single parents.

I am self employed and wasn't on a high income immediately before all this happened either so I have financial worries. I have worries, as everyone does, about parents and other family members. I have DC still in primary but noticing and reacting to what is going on around them and I am already socially distancing due to medical conditions.

It is always difficult taking on the entire mental load and not having someone close to share it with. I am happy not to be in a relationship but I think particularly at the moment, it is starting to feel very lonely.

Once the schools close, it will be difficult for everyone, I know, but keeping DC occupied and happy whilst all this goes on alone isn't going to be easy.

Anyone else feeling like this?

I am feeling so lonely right now, and worried if I’ll be able to cope if me and the DC get ill at the same time.

I’m a lone parent . With two dcs living at home . Exh lives three hours away . My business has literally gone down the pan overnight. I’m self employed and wondering how I’m going to manage . Dd 15 is about to do his GCSES and is worried sick . My DS 19 is going to be laid off from his dream job . My eldest DS is faced with losing his job too. . I can’t visit my parents or my friends and I’ve done nothing but cry since yesterday . Yep it all feels a bit bleak tbh

I'm single, my ex is involved, but if we were to go on lockdown it's me who would have DS at my house. Ex is a train driver so he would need to carry on working unless public transport was suspended.

DS is an only child as well so I'm dreading going into lockdown and him being fed up with no other children to play with.

Obviously my income is the only one coming into the house as well and there's the possibility of me being laid off work if business goes downhill.

Yes, I have a 1 year old DS so younger than yours but the idea of being isolated with him much as I love him is making me cry. Actually cry. As is the worry of work and money. And him getting ill. And my mental health becoming too bad to care for him properly. Feeling really low tonight.

I’m in exactly the same boat re lone parent, self employed, isolating for health reasons so I can empathise. I’m an introvert and love being stuck at home on my own though and have done for years but I can see how other’s might struggle especially with little ones. Mines 16 so I’m trying to think what id do if he was younger. I think I’d make a plan and a schedule and stick to it though the day, like a school timetable as kids need structure still and it’ll make the time go quicker if it’s broken up into manageable chunks rather than having endless days stretching ahead. Have break times and lunchtimes and have fun making food together. Make it a part of the daily routine. See this as an opportunity to build the bond further and spend precious time together that you wouldn’t normally have. Do all the jobs you've been putting off for years and do them together. Use skype and FaceTime to keep in touch regularly with yours and dc friends. Build pillow forts and bake cakes. Just go back to basics and make your health and wellbeing a priority instead of shouldering he entire world day in day out. Call it a staycation and make it fun. This could be a blessing in disguise. Try to make the best of a bad job.

Thanks for starting this thread. I am a lone parent to 4, no partner at all ex is fully absent and has been for 3 years. I am classed as “at risk” apparently being overweight (bmi over 40) so suppose to self isolate for 12 weeks which is clearly impossible.

Hey, can I join? Will check in properly tomorrow. Great thread idea op.

Me too please! Lone parent of a 1 year old. We have a timetable of easy set up activities for the week which has made me feel slightly more in control. Trying to keep to our normal schedule as much as possible. Also trying to carve out some calm ‘me’ time in the evenings to decompress and not just trawl the news.

Fancy sharing your timetable inforapenny? One of mine has just started coughing....

Hi all, I’m in the same boat too (although not self employed) have been told if schools shut I cannot work from home and have my child with me so have to either take the time off as leave or unpaid-can’t afford to go unpaid but if I take as leave will have to fork out for childcare in the holidays as will have used all leave up, plus if schools are to be closed for months won’t have enough leave anyway! Worrying times indeed. I also seem to be the only one not excited about working from home, I know everyone I work with thinks it’s great but as the only adult interaction I often get I am starting to feel lonely. Plus I am down to last few bits of food and can’t get an online shop so panicking about that and then what will happen to us if one of us does get the virus I do love the suggestion of making the most of it and enjoying being together and at least we won’t have to get up as early as normal lol

Yes, I think a proper schedule is a good way to go. I'm not sure how well I will be able to make it stick though but I do want to do some educational things. I think we will be able to have fun times and enjoy our time together.

There is no shortage of things I can do around the house. I'm trying to see that as a positive.

I'm not so much worried about being physically isolated but more not having someone on tap to offload to. Thank God for MN, social media and video calls.

I haven't had a cry about it all yet and a cry is probably what I need.

Yes I am lonely! Lonely with this situation having to deal with it myself and having no grown up to lean on to help with how I feel

To be honest before now I'd been getting panicky and worried about the whole virus thing and I still feel like that but now that everything's closing it's really bringing home to me how much less freedom we have. I tend to do lots and go lots of places with my little girl and I just can't do that now. And I feel like I've only just really realised that. And even that in itself is making me sad now

I’m in my own too- work as a teacher so worried sick I’ll get ill, cannot keep them off school USA still have to go in and teach. Huge pressure at work and nobody to offload to at home. All family now isolating so no support. Having all the responsibility for food shopping, health, money is heightened at present.

USA? as...

Joining, great thread. Yes, am sure routines/timetables will be key in isolation/if schools close.

I work in a school and we’ve been asked for suggestions for if/when closure happens. I am going to suggest we send out stuff to support MH of children and of parents esp lone ones.

Also, age appropriately of course, I think all parents, but esp lone ones, should do daily “learn a new skill” lessons: cooking, cleaning, tidying, how to lock up etc etc - came up with that when was thinking “What if I get really ill?” Mine are early teens, obvs different with younger ones, but they can learn to eg set table, tidy toys or whatever is appropriate and would help.

First thing I'm going to teach mine is how to call her dad from my mobile. I just thought about it today

She knows how to call 999 but I thought today she should know how to call her dad just in case

Single mum of 3 here. My only support is my mum who is self isolating like we are. I'm trying to keep a normal school day for them as much as possible but my 5yo isn't taking kindly to having to do school stuff at home or me playing teacher.

Dc don't see their dad at all so they just have me. I can see the next few weeks will be challenging to say the least!

All the stress I'm feeling at the moment I know is making me not as good with her and I don't want to be like that

I'm a lp full time student and because of this I don't have much money! I'm not managing to particularly stock up but I do have food in thankfully but there will be some very odd meals by day 14 if we have to isolate!

I had a cry yesterday. I was remembering having flu about 18 years ago. It was the illest I've ever been and if someone had offered to kill me I'd have said yes please!

During this illness my then 4 year old stayed with my mum. I was pretty much out of it for 8 days.
Anyway, getting back to the crying! I realised that if I get that ill again I won't be able to look after my primary age son. This scares me more than anything. I don't know what I'm going to do tbh. I'm also scared about not having enough food. I'll go without so he can eat but that's not exactly ideal.

I talked to my daughter tonight. Shes early 20s and I realised that I don't know when I'll see her again. Just typing that could make me cry again.
I honestly don't know how we're all going to get through this. Ds is going to miss his sister and grandparents so much.
I'm so so sad.

Hi all, nice to know I'm not alone. I have a 5yo DS. My strategy for normal weekends is use energy in the morning, chill in afternoon. Otherwise he becomes a horror.

So I'm trying to figure out how to get the equivalent of 2 hours soft play in my house!

I'm working from home and he has slight cough so I kept him off school. Last night was awful - punching me and telling me he hated me and was going to cut me into pieces. God knows where this has come from - I wont be able to stand it for weeks! I withdrew ipad as punishment, which means I need to think of activities but at least I might get my son back at the end of it.

We are strong people cos we've had to be. We can do this x

I think children are more worried then they are letting on, it’s constantly on the tv-even cbbc’s newsround seems to talk of nothing else, if it’s scary for us it must be even worse for them. It’s such a sad situation for all, keep wanting to wake up and it have all just been a dream. There is so much pressure on loan parents to have to be responsible for everything and like other have said what will we do if we get it? We can’t even get online delivery here until 31st and I don’t drive, I shouted at my dd yesterday for leaving half a banana feeling the pressure right now and really don’t want to get depressed or shouty.

How’s everyone getting on? Mine are not going to school tomorrow. I’m worried that if all shops only allow you to buy 2 of each items at a time how is that going to work? We are a family of 5, will I have to shop daily? no one to leave the kids with so they will have to come. Kinda defeats the purpose of talking them off school. Not old enough to be left alone either. If you are in a couple atleast you can both shop separately and both buy 2 of each which I’m sure people will do

We are in household isolation as both my daughters have had mild fevers. So far everyone is mostly rubbing along okay but I don't know how long it will last. I'm keeping in regular touch with friends and family on WhatsApp but the hardest thing I think is the responsibility being all on your shoulders to make decisions.

Responsibility for everything is something I found hard when I was first single with two children.
It's just hit me now that once again their dads are not required to do anything in this horrible situation but I'm the one that's needing to home school them. It's going ok so far as the older two are able to work independently. LO is going to be a fantastic reader as a result of all the extra one to one reading time. Silver linings.