WIBU to finish with my boyfriend over his attitude to coronavirus?

[thepeopleversuswork]

I'm a single mum with a 9 year old DD. DD has asthma. I'm now self-isolating for obvious reasons and wfh - only go out when I have to.

Boyfriend who I have been seeing for over a year (we don't live together). He's lovely, very kind and considerate and gets on well with my DD. But he doesn't have kids and doesn't really "get it". I had a bit of a disagreement with him over the weekend about the fact that he isn't taking this seriously enough at that point wasn't prepared to self-isolate etc, was going out recently. He accepted what I said was true but said he was finding it difficult. At that point his position was more reasonable he was still having to go into work every day etc, he's not in a high risk category - so I didn't really feel it was time to push him on it.

We had a discussion about how to move forward in the event that there was a lockdown. I said that we'd have to make tough decisions as at that point he wouldn't be able to just come and go and could we have a chat about how to manage it - ie should he self-isolate for a while and then maybe move in. He agreed in principle and we said we'd talk about it later this week.

Roll on Monday. Obviously everything changed with almost everyone now in total lockdown. We messaged last night and said we'd talk later in the week about how to take things forward but didn't get around to it.

He's just messaged me to say he's off to meet some mates...

On the one hand he's free to do what he likes and I can't bully him into self-isolating. On the other hand he's made it clear through this action that he's either not considering the situation for me at all, or is not prepared to compromise. If he's going to continue to go out then we effectively can't have a relationship until the lockdown ends and I think he's shown me fairly loud and clear what his priorities are.

Do you think there's any point trying to talk to him about it or shall I just say its over?

So you’re fine with him going in to work but not with him seeing his friends? Isolation isn’t mandatory right now. YABU.

I wouldn't end it. I would just agree not to see each other for the time being but keep in contact with face time etc. I can see both sides.

Binting he will be WFH from tomorrow. It's not mandatory at all. But I've spelled out to him that in practice if he chooses to go out it means we at best have to put our relationship on hold for a month or so, at worst split up. He appears to have either forgotten or chosen to ignore this. Over the medium term this isn't going to be workable. I think at the very least he should have thought to discuss it with me.

Nobody should be meeting mates. Everyone should be stopping non essential social contact. I don’t understand why people don’t get this.

Why do you think he's supposed to self isolate when he doesn't have symptoms? Are you confusing it with social distancing?
Why can't you just not have him around for a bit?

was going out recently

What was wrong with going out prior to yesterday? I went for a curry on Saturday night, I thought about whether I should go but decided to go while I could. I'm ordering a takeaway from them this weekend instead now the advice has changed.

PinkSparklyPussyCat
There was nothing wrong with going out prior to yesterday. But that was yesterday. Its been very clear as of yesterday evening that people are not supposed to be socialising. Knowing that I was worried about this and wanting to talk about how we would manage, he proceeded to go out tonight without talking to me about it.

Obviously he's totally free to do what he likes and I wouldn't and won't try to stop him. But I'm also free to conclude a) it suggests he's quite irresponsible and isn't taking the needs of wider society into consideration and b) it suggests he's not considering me and my needs and isn't prepared to make the sacrifices which may be needed for us to have a relationship over the long term.

I wouldn’t break up with him over it but I would tell him you won’t be able to see him for a while. Sometimes it takes people a while to get their heads round things.

He can do what he likes but he doesn't come to yours.

Lynda07 yep he definitely can't come to mine for the short term.

But I also need to think about whether its sustainable if he's not prepared to take this kind of thing on board when planning stuff.

Its totally understandable based on where things were at the weekend for him still to have been out and about at that point. But we had this conversation on Saturday about how if we were going to continue seeing one another over this period we'd have to have a plan; he would have to have at least a week of wfh and social distancing before we did so. He seemed to agree with this. He then had to go into work unexpectedly today which he can't be blamed for.

But if it were me, knowing what was at stake for me, I would at that point have said "I've had to go into work today, I'm going to cancel tonight at my mates and we'll start the isolation from tomorrow". But he didn't, he just swanned off and said "I'm going to xs".

I just felt he couldn't reference the fact that we'd had the discussion or make any allusion to my concerns was a bit of a red flag. Ultimately if he isn't prepared to make the sacrifice now he's not going to be able to make it if and when things get really tough.

I think unfortunately he just isn't willing to make the sacrifice right now. Reading the posts on MN, so many people just aren't taking this seriously (yet) and he sounds very much like one of those.

The most important thing is that you protect yourself and your DD. It looks like you may have to do that without him.

I'd say he'll solve you the problem by dumping you.