Is this dramatic? - cancelling stuff due to recent events

[letsjog]

DP is in full on survival mode due to the corona virus.

We are self employed and our business has taken a huge drop in orders which is probably a large contributing factor to his concerns.
We have cracked down on the budget and cut out all non essentials and some savings direct debits in favour of dropping our wages down and using money for essentials like food and bills etc only in case things don't pick up soon - and it doesn't look like they will for a few months.

If we stick to the budget drawn out we can comfortably survive 5-6months with the money we have now without having to worry if we can afford to out food on the table.

We have 2 under 10 DCs and DP has decided they are not coming in contact with DGPs (only one set over 60) from now and that we will not attend his DMs birthday this week and that we will not be buying anything bar cards for the birthday and Mother's Day.
I feel like it's OTT, the world isn't ending next month and £5 bunch of flowers or a small thoughtful gift even consumable if he thinks flowers will just die would be fine.

He seems to think that we might need the £5-£10 or whatever and is refusing to budge on this.

AIBU to think this is over the top and we shouldn't put our lives completely on hold like that? Obviously I'd raise an eyebrow if we were going to be spending silly amounts of money on extravagant gifts but it's not as if buying a small token gift (£5-10) would mean starvation next week.
I'm also not sure if he's being a bit quick to cancel everything we have coming up (clubs/gym/seeing family) Or is he being sensible?

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

The UK is the only country in Europe that hasn't put massive restrictions in place. I think he's being sensible.

Send flowers as a combined mothers day and birthday gift

Honestly - I run a business and am crapping myself but I wouldn’t be deviating from buying my mother flowers

He’s being over the top, I think, though you can’t blame people for panicking when it’s all over the news. Children aren’t a high risk group so no reason why they can’t continue with their clubs etc seeing as they’re still in school anyway!

For the GPs that are over 70 I would cut down on taking the kids to see them, as they could pass something on. Bit mean for not just one of you to go and see grandma for her birthday though and take a small token gift.

I am a granny, my Dd is on complete lockdown. I don't want a present or card for mother's day. I want them to be safe.

He’s being ridiculous. The UK government has taken a measured approach, I think we’re being sensible. The world shouldn’t stop because of a virus with a 3% death rate, flame me all you like. The at risk groups should self isolate but everyone else is fine, if you catch it you’ll feel a bit crap for a few days 🤷🏻‍♀️.

£5 isn’t going to make a difference

I would have thought that the kids are still okay to see your GM. Maybe keep them at a 1.5m distance and no hugs or kisses? A cheap packet of biscuits or chocolate could hopefully be bought for even less than 5 pounds? Moral is important to keep up in difficult times too :) If your DP won't budge, could the kids make a present? Melt some chocolate into a mold, knit something or bake something? Hopefully that would be cheaper overall, make the DC's feel part of the celebration and let your GM know that you're thinking of her? Good luck

He's being silly about the flowers, just buy them.

He’s doing exactly what we have been advised to do in Ireland (and most other countries in the world!) Regarding distancing from older people.

He is probably correct to do what he is doing budget wise. Ireland had announced Financial supports for newly unemployed/ self employed people whereas if Uk continues as it is ignoring the issue then you will likely have no supports in place.

I think it won't make you brioke to get your mum a small present. Could there be a small family celebration at one of your homes rather than out at a restaurant etc?

After that/aside from that he can do whatever, but it seems wrong not to do a little thing for her birthday.

Worry about the virus is affecting a lot of people's mental health.

sorry, but tbh i think he's actting like a twat ! no flowers or present ? you are talking about a £5 ffs. i know we all have to watch our money more than ususl but this is so stupid.
i wouldn't want to be with someone who laid the law down like this even if it was a one off incident.

oh and don't get me on the cancelling everything, who put him in charge ?

You're self employed with a business that's already taking a hit and only 5-6 months of savings. I would say your DH is being very sensible under the circumstances.

I think he is being sensible.

DH and I run our own business. All our jobs have been cancelled this week and for the foreseeable future but we still have staff salaries to pay. My mum/MIL will understand why there's no flowers this Mothers Day.

I'm with your DH on this one.

I think you have as much right as him to decide on whether to spend a fiver on a small gift for a relative. He is not your boss, he is your husband, and you have a say in how your family proceeds here.

I think keeping DC and DGP apart is a good idea, though. My parents have holed up and won't be seeing any of us for ages. I work in a MH hospital and take 4 buses a day, my DC are 5, 10 and 13, we live in a large city etc- we would be putting my parents, in their 60s and with asthma and COPD, at unnecessary risk if we visited them.

Think he's being sensible. Our company has just put everyone on reduced hours to try and save jobs. I think it's going to be the same for a lot of industries.

I think it's going to be very hard for a lot of people in the next six months ☹️

When is his birthday?!

I think your DH is sensible. If it turns out things aren't quite as bad as he's anticipating you can perhaps roll back on some of the luxuries. But if you don't stick to the budget and things get really bad, you can't unspend money.

And there's no way I would be visiting elderly relatives, especially with children.

Mixed bag I see.

I do personally think he's being OTT with the no gift.
The get together would have been at MILs house not a restaurant but I'm more understanding of him wanting to keep DCs away.

And also I said to him upfront I am definitely not expecting anything this Mother's Day as I understand the situation so it saves us some £££s there if that's what he wants to be tight on.
But in my head £5-10 will not put us in dire straits or jeopardise our future. It's not as if we are looking to do that all the time. It's a birthday and Mother's Day FGS. We are set for Easter and there's nothing immediate coming up afterwards.

We also have a small emergency fund designated for something else all together which would tie us over for another 2 months if we REALLY needed it after the initial 6months was up.

I've just got my children to hand make Mothers Day card for their DGMs - cheaper than buying it and it kept them busy for 90 mins! We are SI so it was either this or Moonpig. We just used some plain white paper, felt tips and paint from the cupboard so they're not fancy but they are personal. The money saved on the card will pay for a little bunch of daffodils when we can visit.
It would be sad to not acknowledge Mother's Day at all but your parents wouldn't want you to spend money you might need for something essential.

Do you NEED permission to y your MIL a bunch of flowers for £5-10 ? Is he the boss of you or are you able to make your own decisions? Why do his 'rules' trump your views ?

Sensible.