Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Covid

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

Lockdown/self isolation and court ordered contact

16 replies

MysteryFrog · 15/03/2020 22:00

If we do end up in lockdown, or if we choose to self isolate, what are separated parents doing about contact?

I am resident parent and we have a court order in place (every other weekend, one weekday evening, half holidays) and my ex is not a reasonable man at all.

Just wanting to know what other people in similar situations are planning to do as I have no idea how to even approach this! He’s a nightmare to communicate with so I need to have a plan in place before I even try to discuss it with him.

OP posts:
slipperywhensparticus · 15/03/2020 22:03

I told him the kids were sick and locked down with minor symptoms he comes back a few hours later him and the girlfriend are DYING from it

Upshot is he isnt seeing them until he has "recovered" he claims this will be in 7 days I told him if he has it then it will be 14 days....he is now claiming its "mild"

vegvegveg · 15/03/2020 22:30

I'm in the same situation. I'm sorry I have no advice for you as I'm really not sure how to approach it, I would like to know what others are doing.

Original poster
MysteryFrog · 15/03/2020 23:19

Thanks for the replies! My concern is that he’ll try to insist on continuing contact (he likes to take me to court over every little disagreement) and will most likely carry on as usual taking DS to big cities etc

OP posts:
user1019273703 · 15/03/2020 23:23

I am in the same position. I think he is more likely to say he isn't fetching them back than me. He is also very unreasonable so not sure where itll go.

Original poster
MysteryFrog · 16/03/2020 08:00

Bumping the thread because I desperately need advice, my other worry is that he’ll use it as an excuse to not bring DS home (he’s done similar before but unfortunately court didn’t take it very seriously)

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 17/03/2020 09:45

I'm in the same position and so many conflicting opinions. Many think it's "essential contact", others don't. My ex is a twat too and I've just received court papers to enforce an order he breached Hmm. I am going to try and speak to him today. He lives remotely on a farm but last week thought nothing of taking DS to a trampoline park and McDs even though I asked him not to. He also lives with OW and her teenage son so I have no idea of the state of their health. Very conflicted currently. Fortunately we don't have overnight contact and only limited daytime contact. My instinct is telling me to stop it.

UYScuti · 17/03/2020 09:57

My suggestion is to be brief and businesslike with unco-operative partners, stick to government guidelines don't get into long discussions and put your own health and health of your children first.
When people are deliberately uncooperative in times of crisis I think you just have to be ruthless and not engage with them.

Original poster
MysteryFrog · 17/03/2020 17:51

Tried to discuss it with him and he won’t even reply Hmm

OP posts:
AllAboutHallowsEve · 17/03/2020 17:59

My child is currently in isolation with my ex because he's claiming she has a cough. She was at his for the weekend. She was meant to be with me for the rest of the week (co parenting). He is now refusing to update me on how she is. I think he's done this deliberately so I will miss out on Mother's Day with her. I feel utterly heartbroken. He won't reply to my emails or phone calls. I'm powerless to do anything.

Wishforsnow · 17/03/2020 18:03

Hallows eve that is terrible. What an evil prick. Are you the resident parent? How old is she, could you ask for a welfare check to be done?

Onmyown1 · 17/03/2020 18:09

Me and my ex spoke about this when I picked them up this weekend. I am resident parent and he has eow. I have one of the serious underlying conditions so will isolate for 12 weeks from Saturday. I’m pulling the children from school on Friday. We are in agreement that if he’s worked from home the full week and he has no symptoms he will have them but if he’s been out or to work then they stay with me and Skype/FaceTime. He’s taking it as he won’t see them for the 12 weeks which suits him and I prefer it that way.

Original poster
MysteryFrog · 17/03/2020 18:19

@AllAboutHallowsEve that’s what I’m worried my ex will do, he’ll have DS this weekend and is supposed to bring him back Sunday evening but we’ve had problems with him refusing to return him before despite the court order

OP posts:
UYScuti · 17/03/2020 18:22

he won’t even reply
this is very hard for you but try not to show any signs of panic because he will enjoy that and turn up the volume to get a bigger hit of pleasure (at your pain:( )
Keep a detailed log of it all so that you have all you need to build a case against him in the future, if he can use this crisis to hurt you then you can use it to protect yourself from him,
(What a f*ing c*t :( )

RainbowMum11 · 17/03/2020 18:25

I just told XH that if school closes etc then DD will be staying with me because he has underlying health issues.
However, he is reasonable and puts DD first.

Original poster
MysteryFrog · 18/03/2020 08:14

Well now the toddler (not his child) has come down with a cough so we’re having to stay in. DS was due to go to his dads tomorrow for the weekend but his dad is still ignoring messages!

(Don’t think the cough is Coronavirus, it seems more like a normal toddler cough but don’t want to take any chances!)

OP posts:
IndieTara · 18/03/2020 08:38

Yes it's all very well saying self isolate but for those of us with unreasonable exes its never easy

New posts on this thread. Refresh page