Please could you all help me think this through?

[JangleBangle]

I could really do with some help to decide what to do for me and my family. I don't know who else to ask as I feel that our situation is complicated.
There are three of us at home. My DH and I are in our 50s. He is working in a job that he can't do at home. I am a carer to my 25 year old DS. He has cerebral palsy, is in a wheelchair. He iwas also recovering well from debilitating OCD but is being triggered again by the worries about the virus. He is under the mental health team for depression and anxiety. He already struggles with isolation and loneliness. And on top of that he doesn't eat or drink enough and blood tests have shown that his kidneys are struggling a bit.
As his carer, parent,friend I'm very aware of how important I am to his wellbeing. Without me he wouldn't eat or drink and he needs help with personal care. We don't have people to help with that.

On top of all this I've had multiple spinal surgeries, have fibromyalgia and ME so struggle with chronic pain and low energy.
A few years ago I was diagnosed with a hole in the heart and had to have it closed.
On the Facebook page for people with this heart defect people are struggling to get advice about the coronavirus. One was told by their specialist that they are more prone to complications from the virus and should take extra care.

So my question is - do I stay home with my son and keep ourselves as safe as possible? My instincts are to do so. But I'm also aware that my DS is already struggling with low social contact.
I'm feeling very overwhelmed. Life was already difficult and stressful. This all seems unbearable.

Thank you for reading. I could really do with some online support through all this.

I am in a similar situation to you - disabled child, chronic health conditions myself- and I think as horrible as it is it’s safest to isolate as much as possible. That’s what I’ve chosen to do.

It is one of those situations where whatever decision you make it's going to have a negative impact in some form.

Self isolate and it will have long implications to his mental health.

Don't isolate and you could potentially contract C19 and potentially it could effect you severely.

I don't think anyone can answer this for you. It's easy for me to say self isolate but I understand that it is more complicated than that.

If you feel you need to go out can you both plan when and where you go to reduce risk.

I do feel for you.

I think it’s probably best for you and your DS to protect yourselves right now. It’s so tough but it won’t be forever. Maybe you could root out some support groups for people with cerebral palsy for your son, and set up some group Skype convos? Dig deep for as much online support as possible? For yourself as well - Facebook groups etc?

It’s such a surreal, unsettling time. So hard. But take care of yourselves now and things will improve. It’s present day sacrifice for long term gain.

Easier said than done but probably for the best.

Thank you for your thoughtful and supportive replies. You've helped me accept that my instincts are probably right and it would be sensible to stay home as much as possible.

Bagsandbrie, I hope you and your child get through this difficult time as smoothly as possible. I think it will leave long lasting scars on many of us. It would be good to keep supporting each other. I think I will start posting more here and not just lurk.

My DS plays World of Warcraft and has some online friends through that.
I scrapbook and find the FB groups a great place to share my hobby and chat.
I think I'll start reaching out to friends and explain our situation. I am beginning to realise that many are struggling and that connecting with each other will be vitally important for our mental health.

Ironically the people who won't understand our decision to self distance will be family. They look at me and see a healthy person. They also don't understand OCD and the anxieties my DS has around something happening to me or my DH.

Can you skype or FaceTime people for specific tasks? I’m looking at doing this for completely different reasons but it might be useful for you too- rather than FT’ing someone “for a chat” which can sometimes be a bit vague and going nowhere, I’m aiming to FT while we both do a specific activity. Even just over a meal might work- like having friends over for dinner, but remotely.

I'd also suggest staying in as much as possible but using the internet for social interaction some how.

Thinking of you OP

Jangle even in lock down areas, in different counties at different times, people are allowed out for walks, excersie etc.

As long as you don't touch surfaces, go to cafes maybe I would try and get him out. Would that help at all?..

I Skype most mornings with a friend to keep in touch, just for 30 minutes. I can understand your DS being stressed if his daily contact is just you and DH. Can you widen the contacts a little- maybe Skype daily with a family member or local friend? Someone who can help the 3 of you if things get tough, and reassure you if things are still ok. Good luck.