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Feel like I am losing my mind

7 replies

Ortega · 15/03/2020 05:41

Firstly I want to say I am not that worried about getting covid or dying from it. Obviously I want to do whatever I can to stop it spreading to other people. I am concerned but not scared of the virus as such.

I am however really struggling with all the other stuff. I have posted before. My kids went to Italy with their dad. My exh. I asked him not to take them. To change plans. He didnt and when they left there was bo reason, to not take them to the part of Italy he went to.

I did get some legal advice to stop him going. But the advice was there was no real basis to stop him going. So off they went.

They have been in self isolation since, returning, or a week.

If I see them I have to have 2 weeks off work (understandable) to protect others. I cant afford this.

My parents got exh to take them to their house. So now I cant see my parents.

Last tuesday I was told work said I could see them based on current advice. Then 10 mins later the advice from. The government changed and i couldnt. On wednesday I worked from different office to attend a small meeting.

In my absence, someone (I know who) told people I was off the day and was seeing the kids in secret and was putting everyone at risk. Some people had a go at HR and told them I was scared of being sacked. I didnt say that to anyone and never asked anyone to have a go at HR.

I was taken in to speak to HR and cleared the air. They knew where I was on wednesday and, I think, know I havent said I was going to get the sack.

By 10am thursday I was getting upset, but was ok. People treating me like I small pox, wasnt nice. Missing the kids. Someone asked me if I was ok. My eyes filled up a bit and i just took myself off outside. That was seen as maybe not being in a fit state for work.

Exh has told the kids I can see them today. My son messaged me last might excited.

I cant. Because I cant afford the 2 weeks off. My partner told his sister about the rumour I had seen the kids she believes it and kicked off because her mum isnt in the best health. I dont think she believes me.

To top it off my pattern has a brain scan this week. He absolutely needs it. Potentially life or death and cabt go if he has contact with the kids

So to recap.

I didnt leave the country or have a holiday.
I havent seen my kids in nearly 3 weeks and have a week to go
Yet I am being treated like a leper by some at work.
I cant get upset about the rumours of the kids for fear of being seen as not coping. Even if it catches me off guard and I remove myself from the situation immediately.
I will have to upset my son in a few hours when I tell him I cant see him.
People outside work think I probably saw the kids and have put then at risk.
My in laws think I have put them at risk
Exh is making out I just cant be arsed seeing the kids
I am having to choose between my kids and getting paid
I cant see my parents
Dp has the potential to be extremely ill, which is causing stress itself.

I didnt do anything wrong. I didnt go away. I am staying away from the kids, though its hiring an yet shit keeps happening and people are treating me like some sort plague bringer or a shit mother.

I just felt like I want to run away and dont what do.

It's really starting to impact me. I cant sleep.

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janeskettle · 15/03/2020 06:04

I'm so sorry. That sounds incredibly difficult.
It was very selfish of your ex to take them to Italy.

Do the kids have one more week of self-isolation to go?

Can you think of some ways to help you get through the week? Can a friend come over one evening? Can you bingewatch a really long TV show? Spring clean the kids' rooms?

The important thing is that you know you haven't put anyone at risk. You're being the responsible parent, and getting shit for it, but you have the moral high ground here. You're a good mum, and a good workmate and daughter, to be following guidelines properly.

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Ortega · 15/03/2020 06:13

Thank you. I know I am doing the right thing. But it feels like everyone just wants to see the negatives in me.

The worst but is I have got myself into such a stressed situation, i am also scared of getting tension headaches (had these last year and had to be medicated) and getting sick, that I will have to have tone off anyway. The people at work will be saying 'I knew she saw the kids'

Work gossip never normally bothers me. But this situation has really got to me.

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Ortega · 15/03/2020 06:14

Sorry yes. Another week. Well 8 days.

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duffeldaisy · 15/03/2020 06:27

What an upsetting situation! I really feel for you OP. Well done for getting through the last 3 weeks. If you were strong enough to deal with all that, you can manage these final 8 days.

Like janeskettle said, perhaps trying to do some really nice things to give yourself and your partner some self-care will help you get through.
And yes, you’re doing the right thing, being considerate and selfless despite your exH being so irresponsible and your colleagues misunderstanding. It’s very unfair.

Can you set up Skype chats with your children?

I wish you all the best. Look after yourself lots, and I hope this week flies by.

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Nononoandno · 15/03/2020 06:42

You are having a really really shit time.
You WILL get through this, your kids are safe. Doing the right thing isn’t easy and doesn’t always make you popular. But being true to your self in doing what YOU think is the right thing is what will get you through this. Could you explain to your ex the situation and reason why you can’t see your kids, then call your son and tell him you are helping to keep people safe or looking after someone who is poorly and tell him the number of days till you see him, call him everyday read him a story down the phone if need be. Your emotions are heightened, everyone’s are but you have so much extra going on. It doesn’t sound like others are being supportive of what you are going through. What kind of work are you in where you have to keep such a lid on your emotions?

People are having to make so many tough decisions currently and it’s going to be like that for weeks to come. Ultimately everyone’s health is the most important thing.
I was in a situation last week, on wed morn I started with a sore throat and just feeling off, that same day my son was due to go abroad for his fathers wedding this weekend. I kept a lid on it all day then just before he was due to go in the evening I explained so my son how I was feeling physically, my son and me were very slightly worried and the “what if” scenario, my son was worried even though he’s not in a risk category he could potentially pass it on to others including 75 wedding guest all traveling abroad (totally unnecessary IMO given CB) I told him to call his father as I was starting to wonder if maybe others in the wedding party would be pushing not to go.
His father basically said to him are you a man or a mouse and “your 16 now time to make your own decision” and that he would be disappointed if he didn’t go, then my son got a call from his dads fiancé ... similar conversation there too, then his nan called him and basically slagged me off saying I was trying to stop him going to his fathers wedding. While this was going on I called 111 they said to me as I hadn’t been in contact with known infected person or been to one of the countries then I was fine to carry on as normal and maybe go to my doctors the following day. .., off the back of this advice I told my son he should go but only if he wanted too as he’s 16 and was really looking forward to it but also on the other hand worried with what is going on with CV.
He went he is there now and I’m really worried he’s not going to get back due to country borders closing down and flights cancelling, he is due back on Tuesday, I’m trying not to think about it.
Due to me being able to work from home and single, I am going to quarantine me and him together at home for two weeks although he wasn’t in currently risky county when he left so they are behind the uk in timing of the spread of CV but since he’s been there it’s gone on lockdown due to increase in cases.
I’m fuming he was put in this position by his father who is a policeman! But the years have told me he isn’t a true “parent” at heart and very selfish.... to the extent he has put 80 people in this position including his elderly mother, IMO they should have cancelled the wedding till next year (they already did the legal bit in this country).
I don’t mean to highjack your post OP but we are all facing tough decisions.
I hope you are soon back with your children and your partners scan results give you some good news.

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Nononoandno · 15/03/2020 06:51

Sorry for such a long post OP Blush

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Ortega · 15/03/2020 08:06

Thank you all. Still waiting for my son to get up. And exh so I can have an argument and let my son down.

I feel like crap. So tired.

Sorry you are going through similar @Nononoandno

I work in a very male dominated industry. Not really sure how they expect me to stop a reaction I am not controlling. I can work I home. But the view is that if I put myself in a position where I cant come into work it has to be sick.

I can Skype but my son gets more upset and wants to come home. He is so excited to come back.

Its been a long time since I felt this way but I just didnt want to wake up this morning.

I cant talk to dp. He has enough on and if I tell him how I feel he will feel shit because one of the reasons they cant come back is him.

My best friend is also his sister. She has pretty much ignored me for since Thursday. On thursday she was supportive. Since then she.

I am sure she think I saw them and out her and her family at risk.

I just feel like I really dont have anyone. It seems most people I know just seem to think the worst of me. What does that say about me? That people find it so easy to decide I must be a shit bag?

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