So who is stopping visiting older family?

[WouldShouldCould]

I've read loads on here that in the event of school closing that people will be relying on grandparents.
After reading the statistics my parents (over 65 and with health issues, none that affect them daily but puts them more in the at risk group) are much more likely to have complications and I am thinking about stopping the kids from visiting.
This is going to be a nightmare for childcare but things really seem different this time

DC are young adults.

We are all going to visit their grandparents tomorrow.

I'm sure we are all healthy at the moment, it may get harder as time goes on.

We will do no contact and hand washing etc as a precaution.

Stop fearmongering. I bet you lot who have given up your family are the same ones who have bought up all the bog roll for a respiratory infection

And yet it’s being reported today that ministers are likely to suggest next week after the Cobra meeting that families visit one another now before social distancing measures are introduced.

I don’t want to stop seeing my mum and taking her out, but it’s likely she’ll be safer in her care home without us visitors calling in all the time. I want to see my dad, but I don’t want to put him at risk.

where exactly are you getting those statiscs from?

It’s current known cases/deaths expressed as a % of the population.

Some people can only deal with this with their heads in the sand, which is fine, if it works for them, but I’d like to hope their ignorance will not increase the risks for the rest of us.

It’s very dependent on individual circumstances. DF is healthy, compos mentis and independent but in his late 70s with a lung condition. Coronavirus could easily rob him of ten years of good quality life, so I’m wary about visiting him, or him coming up to London - although at the moment we are still planning to visit at Easter. We keep in constant contact by long daily phone chats.

If he were frail, in his nineties and in need of a lot of personal support then I’d probably visit anyway. Obviously if he were in a care home then it’s a whole other set of risks.

My mum was s 40 n her 80s and is well aware that I f she gets this her chances are poor.
We see her every holiday I get,we are making the most of out time.I will continue as long as I remain symptom free,if she gets it I will be there like a shot.
NHS worker so really just waiting until I get it,it feels inevitable really.Ne while I am under 60!ed it before June

My frail 79 YO DM and I will be out and about on Monday as we do every week. She is 3 years past cancer and I am 2. She has a variety of other autoimmune illnesses as do I. She is also going to local shopping centre with DSis today. I am going to see aunt in care home today as I think they might close their doors. So not limiting our visiting. DMIL 75 currently at Crufts so will see her when shes back. In it for the long haul. This isn't going away quickly.

20338 people have been tested.
Only 164 cases have been confirmed.

I don’t believe for a second that we’re “all going to get it.”

I do think though that the over hyped talk about it both in the tabloid press and online is going to lead to people becoming less vigilant as people are already starting to develop CV fatigue.

Rather than unilaterally making decisions about visiting older relatives, why not ask them what they want? If I was in a care home, I’d rather have visitors than be protected from a death that’s already on the doorstep.

As someone who’s old, I think my generation and the one above are quite sanguine about these things. We’re much more inclined to think you go when your number’s up.

I visit my very elderly and frail parents (mid-90’s) every week and fully intend to carry on unless I’m unwell. I’m in a high risk category but am determined it’s live as normal with common sense precautions until I am instructed otherwise.

My in-laws are more likely to pass it on to us than the other way around! They’ve been traveling and I doubt they will come home and isolate themselves.

@AlsoHuman
besides which it’s all a bit ageist isn’t it? Deciding that you will stop visiting the elderly?

I have an underlying health condition which puts me at risk. In fact I nearly died in the summer (cardiac arrest).

My statement on another thread that “well, we’ve all got to die of something,” was not well received.

Where has common sense gone in the last few weeks? If you’re not well, you tend not to visit friends and family (of any age) if one of your DC falls ill vomiting or similar you usually let anyone know who you’ve recently come into contact with (a play date, for example). We would literally never see anyone else if we don’t visit based on the chances of passing something on or catching a virus. Wash hands (this seems to be new to some people too) and carry on, as you were...

I know @AlternativePerspective. My observation that when I die, I die went down badly too!

In my situation where DM won't let me visit, as both over 80 and DF has diabetes, DF would gladly have us visit. He's 86 and I'm torn between respecting DMs wishes and really wishing I'd been able to see them in the short window before I go abroad for a long weekend and the infection numbers pick up.

I won't go now - today would have been the day and they are an hour away - as DM doesn't want me to, but it's just to illustrate that it's not as simple as respecting their wishes as they don't feel the same.

So what happens if infection rates don’t escalate in the way people seem to think they will. There are no guarantees after all and truth the spread in the UK has been tiny compared to some countries, and as it’s the unknown so is the outcome.

Then what happens if people stop visiting their elderly relatives, some of whom are in their 80’s and 90’s, and those relatives die of natural causes, which is entirely possible at that age?

Not wanting to visit a 90 year old for three/six months just in case could literally mean the difference between seeing them and never seeing them again.

I started a thread at the very beginning of this, before there had been any confirmed cases in the UK, saying that fear had led to increased racism with people talking about quarantining packages from china/refusing to go to chinese takeaways etc and I was ripped apart for daring to suggest such a thing. Now we’re seeing CCTV footage of people beating up chinese people in the streets shouting at them to go home, and the government/police urging people not to turn this into a race thing.

And now I’m going to add ageism into the mix. People saying they refuse to visit their elderly relatives for the foreseeable, added to which the premier league are apparently talking of banning all over 70’s from matches. Where does it end?

Spot on Alternative

I am still going to visit, I just think if god forbid something happened to them and I hadn’t seen them for months I would never get over it and their quality of life would be so poor if isolated anyway. I am being extra careful though and we won’t go near if we are ill at all. I am also going to be on top of the kids making sure they wash their hands as soon as they get there and supervise washing after the toilet, wipe round the toilet after them etc. I am also going to take their own drinks bottles so my parents don’t end up using the same cups etc.

I’m trying to strike a sensible balance. My dm is 80 with underlying health problems and lives alone (but round the corner from me) Loneliness is a big consideration too though. My db lives in HK and travels all over the world but is in the uk for a short while at the moment-I was supposed to be taking dm up to see him today but I’m not now. They’re upset they can’t see each other but I think it’s sensible at the moment. I will still continue to see her though unless I have any symptoms.