Court ordered child contact. How to broach the conversation with the other parent.

[idonttrustboris]

High conflict NRP at play so I don't want to rock the boat. He's already convinced I try and talk child out of seeing him and that's not the case at all, child feels that occasionally but I've genuinely never been anything but positive.

There are a few cases in our area and dad has a job where he is mobile and in and out of different schools each day. I'm already a little anxious at child going for the weekend this time as child is only 7 and there's community transmission in the area.

I appreciate there will come a time where it might have to stop for a few weeks and I don't want broaching that to be an added stress. Can anybody give any advice on what is reasonable or not reasonable? What I could say or how I could manage it. It's just another stress I don't need.
Thanks

At this stage you have to let your child go to see his father. Until the government or local council says we all need to self isolate them I do t think you have any right to stop your child seeing their father. If I was him I would go ballistic and go straight back to the courts that you were alienating me as a parent to my child. I’m sorry.

I think you have to follow official guidelines. If there is no guidance from Public Health England to stop everyday activities, then you just have to carry on as planned. Teach your child good hand hygiene and ask the other parent to check their handwashing if you are worried. Statistically, children are the least affected group so I don't think there will be any reason to stop your DC seeing the other parent unless they themselves have had to be quarantined.

Tbh this is your anxiety. You can’t stop contact on the basis that might possibly have even been in contact with someone who has had it.

There is no conversation to have other than to encourage your dc to wash their hands

I’ve told my ex that we will assess the situation before each weekend. If ds or I are poorly, I will not take ds to see his dad, who has health issues. Ds needs his dad around.

Equally If ex is poorly I expect him to tell me ( he’s not coming in my house if he is) and we’ll leave contact until he’s better.

But I know Ex won’t take me to court, he’s too lazy for that.

Sorry, but no.
What about when there's flu, chickenpox, stomach bugs etc around, you going to stop contact then?

My ex tried to broach this and was told to sod off. I will decide, after consultation with appropriate infection disease medical staff if there is a risk to my kid, or the paranoid other parent- so sorry- you are being unreasonable. Look at the demographic most at risk of a negative outcome. Please don't encourage or expect to alienate your child when
It's court orders due to your own anxiety and paranoia. See your GP to adress your health anxiety issues

Are either you or your child immunocompromised? If not, I think raising this as an issue before there is public health advice to minimise the number of people you have contact with to the extent of nor seeing family members who live elsewhere or parents with high exposure jobs being told to avoid their children yabu. You'd be giving him all the evidence he needs that you discourage contact.

@starlight I am aware it's coming from a place of anxiety (I don't suffer with it).
I'm absolutely not trying to alienate in any way or scupper a relationship.
I think it's only natural as a mum to want your children close by you at times like this (I'm not saying it's not the same for dads too, just acknowledging it's hard emotionally and will only get harder).

I have a baby at home who has been under a consultant as she's been really underweight as well so that's an added concern of things being brought back home, but mostly just the usual mum anxiety.

But I do appreciate there will come a time when we do have to talk about it and I only want to know how is the best way to approach that because I don't want to make anything worse.
I know now isn't the right time to keep child at home. But obviously it won't stay like that

@SD1978 I don't have health anxiety or paranoia. 80% of the population may be at risk of this and we may have to self isolate at some point.
I'm more than aware that's not now. But the point is likely to come and I want to be prepared to have that conversation in a reasonable way. When the time comes.

If its court ordered, unless told by phe to isolate then he has contact as per the order.

If the time comes for self-isolation, that's when you have a chat. Until then there is simply no need.
Same with when the child is ill and it falls on dads time, why keep them home?

My Ex has our children (11 and 13) every second weekend.

He has booked to take them skiing in North Italy for a long weekend (Thur evening to Sunday) next week.

He is trying to decide what to do - I'm really hoping he cancels, although if it is becoming as widespread here as well, maybe it doesn't make much difference.

@ffswhatnext child has never been kept at home when poorly before and court order has been in place since birth.
I'm not asking for advice on when to broach it, but what is reasonable to say.
Even if it's advised everybody stays at home, mentioning that would get an awful reaction because he's so high conflict. So I'm just asking for any advice on approaching that conversation when the time is right. So I'm prepared

Could he have the child for the duration?

You will also need to decide what to do if he says he has been somewhere with her that has put her at risk - be that deliberately or inadvertently - meaning that she needs to stay with him...

From the way you’ve written your post it doesn’t sound like you’ve thought of the consequences that, say he takes her to his local Tesco/library/cinema/etc one morning and then In the afternoon say everyone needs to self isolate he might say he isn’t going to bring her back for a couple of weeks - you need to consider the scenario and plan for it too...

This is a virus that the whole population is at risk from. At the moment life goes on as normal. Contact continues as normal. Should your ex or dc show symptoms when dc is with ex, they will both be isolated and your dc won’t be allowed back to yours, especially as you have a young baby.
You can’t stop contact just in case this happens though.
I would only have the conversation when (if) the time comes.

Oh, and the conversation would be
Dc has suspected CV, medics have instructed self isolation so you can’t see him for 14 days. Here’s the docs phone number for proof, we will look at you having dc for an extended time after the isolation is over.