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Covid

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Original poster

Asking my 70-year-old mother to cancel her leisure trip amid the corona virus outbreak

30 replies

keepingiteasy · 03/03/2020 15:11

My 70-year-old mom lives in Hong Kong and she's due to fly to Australia for a sight-seeing tour with her friends. They've paid for everything and all her friends are set to go ahead as planned, but with the corona virus spreading outside of China I'm quite anxious about her flying (it's a 10-hour flight each way!) and would very much rather she doesn't go.

She's very torn because she's not going to get her money back if she cancel, and all her friends are going and they're telling her everything's going to be fine. Perhaps she's less likely to catch the virus in Australia than in Hong Kong, but it's really the long-haul flights that i'm worried about. From my point of view, this is really not "essential" travel, the fatality rate is particularly high for elderly people (i think it's >10% for people over 70), plus I'm 30-week pregnant with no family over here in the UK, so I'm just really worried that i wouldn't be able to fly to her or do anything from here if she got sick while travelling!

I've told her my worry and that I'd very much rather she doesn't go, but AIBU? Before the outbreak we were also planning for her to come to the UK in April (to support me and my husband as we're first-time parents), but if I'm asking her to cancel her trip to Australia, would it be unreasonable for me then to still ask that she comes to the UK for us??

OP posts:

Mayhapitis · 03/03/2020 15:25

I'm not cancelling and of my planned travel. I certainly wouldn't travel to china or go on a cruise ship, but I'm planning 2 European holidays in the next few months.

Life goes on. The numbers of people actually diagnosed are tiny in relation to the actual population.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 03/03/2020 15:28

Surely she'll be less likely to catch it in Australia?

if I'm asking her to cancel her trip to Australia, would it be unreasonable for me then to still ask that she comes to the UK for us??

Yes! So she should give up a lovely trip she has already paid for you to come and provide childcare for you?

Brefugee · 03/03/2020 15:28

Stop worrying her and guilt-tripping her into not going - or at least reimburse her if you insist on it. Let her have fun.

I live in a different country to my mum and we always say that it's the choice we made and we have to cope with that in times of trouble. Same for you.

Dozer · 03/03/2020 15:28

It’s her life and her choice, you can only express your concerns and hope for the best.

Brefugee · 03/03/2020 15:28

oh and yy VU to ask her to come to you. Basically you want her to give up a fun trip to come and help you out because you're pregnant? Lovely.

Frownette · 03/03/2020 15:30

Let her go and enjoy herself. Sounds like you're trying to frighten her.

Gazelda · 03/03/2020 15:32

if I'm asking her to cancel her trip to Australia, would it be unreasonable for me then to still ask that she comes to the UK for us??

So it's not the long haul flight that concerns you.

DesLynamsMoustache · 03/03/2020 15:32

I think YABU yes. She's an adult and can make her own decisions about her health. Also yes, you can't really ask her not to fly to Australia but to fly to you a month later, when the situation could be worse here! I would trust her to make the right decision for herself.

JellyfishandShells · 03/03/2020 15:34

Is her flight still running ? - lots of airlines, including Cathay, Hong Kong’s own airline, are cancelling the majority or flights in and out of HK atm

cochineal7 · 03/03/2020 15:34

Will Australia let her in without quarantine from Hong Kong?

Isthistrueor · 03/03/2020 15:35

YABU.

MadamePewter · 03/03/2020 15:35

YABU. This is entirely her choice. And your argument about the long haul flight is specious as you’re happy for her to travel to you.

Be generous, stop telling her doom and let the woman enjoy herself with her friends.

cocomelon23 · 03/03/2020 15:40

Shes an adult. It's her decision. Can't believe you'd ask her to cancel her fun trip but still expect her to come and help you

VapingHot · 03/03/2020 15:43

You spoilt brat! Let your mum go and have her holiday and stop trying to emotionally blackmail her.
Have you NO shame?

Original poster

keepingiteasy · 03/03/2020 15:44

I did offer to reimburse her, but to her it's still money wasted and that's what bothers her. What I cannot fathom is that even she doesn't think the sight-seeing itself is that important to her, but she just really doesn't want the money "go to waste" and to "let her friends down".

I'm asking her to cancel her trip out of worry, not because that way she can come to the UK (her coming to the UK or not is a completely separate matter, and i do worry about that as well).

Also, how cynical and heartless do people have to be to suggest that a mother travelling to her daughter for the birth of her grandchild is solely to provide child care?!

OP posts:

Newnamewhodis1 · 03/03/2020 15:46

Australia isn't a high risk area. What's your problem exactly?

MNHQ

GloriaMumsnet · 03/03/2020 15:46

Hello! We've moved this over to our new Coronavirus topic area.

DesLynamsMoustache · 03/03/2020 15:47

She's told you she doesn't want to cancel so stop pressuring her. It's fine to say you are worried about it her, but it's not fine if you are keeping on at her to cancel something she doesn't want to. She has managed to make it to 70 looking after herself so I'm sure she can continue to do so now.

Original poster

keepingiteasy · 03/03/2020 16:02

i know i'm not making things easy for her, but i should add that it's not like she feels strongly about going either! in fact she's very torn and that's why i want to let her know how i feel. Yes she's a grown woman and she'll make her own decision. I just couldn't fathom the reasons she cites ("money going to waste" and "letting her friends down").

FYI there're still flights between Hong Kong and Australia, and as of now people travelling from Hong Kong (not mainland China) are not required to be quarantined upon arrival. In her words, she'd very much rather there were travel restrictions so the decision is already made for her!

OP posts:

MadamePewter · 03/03/2020 16:07

To be honest, if I had grown up DCs who were no longer my responsibility I would much prefer to risk getting a virus and go on fun trips than to be sitting at home and fretting.

Meruem · 03/03/2020 16:38

I am on the side of generally encouraging people not to go on non essential trips. However, that being said, if my mum in her 70's wanted to go on a trip I'd wish her well and tell her to enjoy herself! I do understand your concern, but we don't know whats going to happen and lets say your mum doesn't go but still gets the virus, she would probably regret not having gone on this trip. Let her have fun.

NameNumber5 · 03/03/2020 16:45

You should let your mum get on with it and have a fun trip with her friends. Then look. Forward to hearing all about it when she comes to stay with you

AlternativePerspective · 03/03/2020 16:49

Yabu. The trip is already booked and paid for. And as for you saying that you’re worried about her taking a long-hall flight, that’s clearly bollocks since you want her to travel to you. Saying that of course you’re worried about that as well was clearly just a reaction to being called on your hypocrisy.

The only reason I would choose not to travel abroad would be because I wouldn’t want to end up stuck somewhere abroad for two weeks if they ended up locking down somewhere as a precaution. But of course if I already had a paid-for trip I wouldn’t cancel it.

I fall into a high risk category should I catch the virus, and of course if it ends up in my area I might need to be a bit more cautious about where i go. But there is no way on earth that I am putting my life on hold over something which hasn’t actually happened yet.

yes, it appears to be spreading relatively quickly, but the diagnosis is almost negligible compared to the UK population and even the global population.

Brefugee · 03/03/2020 20:21

Also, how cynical and heartless do people have to be to suggest that a mother travelling to her daughter for the birth of her grandchild is solely to provide child care?!

well cynical because you were all hand-wringy about the 10 hour flight in your op. And then threw in the last line that you want her to visit you on a longer flight? I wonder why everyone is cynical...

ginandnappies · 03/03/2020 23:18

Wow. Your mum can make her own mind up where she goes, the fact you don't want her to fly to Australia but flying to you is fine? Listen to yourself.

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