Long and complicated story so please bear with.........
My grandma came from a line of Ashkenazi Jews (dad's side) but my dad didn't practice. He was a protestant for his younger life then converted to Catholicism when he met my mum who'd been brought up Catholic.
Then they converted to Pentecostalism just after I was born. I was therefore brought up in a very strict church going, school book burning, no make up wearing, not allowed to do anything family.
My dad was obsessed with the second coming and eschatology. He would sit for hours studying books on Revelation, giving sermons and singing about 'When we all get to heaven' ( well, those who agreed with him anyway).
We were very sheltered from anything outside of the Pentecostal bubble. Church was obligatory every week.
Fast forward a few years into our early 20s (we were 5 kids) and well into our earthly and ungodly practices of rebellious indulgence, some of us went off the rails, some stayed in the church and another, my younger sister, converted to Judaism. She studied a long time to do this. It wasn't easy for her. She married a Jewish man in London and they now live in Israel with 6 kids. They've been there for about 12 years. I don't have much contact with them apart from the odd messages now and again.
My dad died some years ago but my mum and one of my brothers is still in the evangelical church. They are very much of the opinion Israel can do no wrong and it's all part of the plan. So much so that I cannot say ANYTHING about suffering in Gaza without a comeback about Hamas and how they are just everywhere in Gaza. Not once have they expressed any sympathy for the people there. That doesn't surprise me though as they are very anti Muslim (and very ignorant as they've probably never even had a proper conversation with one).
There are constant smug comments and their elitist views are not well hidden.
So, I expressed my concerns over the situation last week. I had totally supported Israel after the attacks but I am finding I just can't reconcile the preaching I've been forced to listen to all my childhood to 'love thy neighbour' and 'God is love' with this total lack of empathy for the killing of children and innocents. How can they be so blind to the reality of the situation?
Both of them (mum and brother) are just so defensive about the whole situation and tonight out of nowhere my mum sends me a whatsapp with a youtube video on how Hamas are terrorists and about the attack in October. Does she not think I ever read the news?
I feel like any relationship we have (and it's never been great) is getting worse. I feel like I can't raise any opinion about ANYTHING she doesn't like. It's like I am being scorned and belittled for raising concerns about innocents who believe in something other than they do.
Over the past few days, I have been trying to enlighten myself on Christian Zionism and I've realised this is what I've been fed all my life.
Basically they want all the Jews back in Israel so the rapture can materialise.
This isn't having a love of Jews, or Israel. It's actually rather selfish as they believe many Jews will die in Armageddon and they (the 'real' or 'born again' Christians will go to heaven.
I have just sent her back a very powerful youtube documentary on the suffering of Palestinian Christians in the midst of this crisis in response.
.........and this is one reason, a big one, why I no longer go to church.
I don't know if we believe in the same God anymore. I cannot fathom why God would create life to destroy it so quickly.