Been ttc for 5 years with no success....help!

[fedupttcnosuccess]

When dh and I got together, 7 years ago, there was no rush to start a family. By the same token, we weren't using contraception either! We got married two years on, no worries regarding baby matters, but were both secretly hoping that now everything was official, it wouldn't be very long before we had a family of our own. We are both high flyers, work hard, long hours. Therefore, the baby thing was not foremost in our minds. Now, we are at the stage where we need pointers in the right direction please! How do we go about getting private tests conducted on the fertility front? I am trying to not join any nhs queues as we are both getting on a bit now. I am nearly 40 and he is nearly 43. Saw the gp 2 years ago and were diagnosed with "unexplained" fertility, which is not very helpful:feels like you've been written off before you've even started. Also, if the problem is not pinpointed how can one possibly seek to rectify it? All advise taken on board. Which tests should I ask for? How soon before we are seen? Who do we need to go to? GP route too time consuming, please do not point in that direction. Willing to travel to europe if necessary, as work takes us there frequently, hesitated so far as need personal success rates from different sources before deciding to take the plunge: Brit mentality:don't trust foreign practices in lands afar:not a good trait! Please help if you can:point us in the right direction. Hope it's not too late for us!

Hi!, I am not going to be much help here I don't think, but did not like to see your post go unaswered and might point you in the direction of folks here who might be able to help.

when you were diagnosed with unexplained infertility did you get tests done then? I assume that you at least got tests done to check your dh sperm levels and the tests done to see if you were ovulating? If not then you need these tests done ASAP.

There are many private fertility clinics, and the girls in the "assisted conception" group here may well be able to help you with pointers on good places to go.

Also the over 40's ttc group (fabulous over forty;s) here have also been through loads of investigations and might be able to help, although I think most of them have gone through the NHS.

Are you tracking your cycle yourself too? Do you know what to look for and know when you are ovulating. A good guide is "fertility friend" google to find it, goes through all the basics if you haven't already.

I hope someone will be here soon to help with your answer regarding private clinics, if not do try asking the assisted conception ladies.

Let us know how you get on.

You can self refer to a private fertility clinic here in the UK - www.hfea.gov.uk gives you a list of all registered clinics, along with results, contact details etc etc.

You are most likely outside NHS funding now (40th birthday is the cut off) so I'd advise private anyway for tests etc, for speed as much as anything else. You won't necessarily need to go abroad unless you need an egg donor, and that is because of the shortage here. A private unit won't refuse to treat you simply based on age.

The Unit ought to contact your GP to get your history etc, but you won't need a referral from them in the first instance. Can't give you pointers to 'good' units as don't know where you live, and some specialise in certain problems, but HFEA is a good starting point. Good luck.

If you've been diagnosed with unexplained fertility (I know how frustrating that is - have had the same here), then presumably you've had some tests already?

In which case I don't know whether you have considered IVF. I know it's a leap to jump from no treatment to that, but at 40 (sorry to be blunt), time is of the essence. There are clinics in the UK that do 'natural' IVF that aims to stimulate as few eggs as possible if you'd rather try that, or many people have found success at clinics abroad, which tend to be cheaper than the UK and sometimes more open to more aggressive treatments. If you are interested in those kind of things, I'd recommend looking at www.fertilityfriends.co.uk - I'm reasonably sure there's a board or thread for women looking at treatment abroad.

Hi, you or your Gp can refer yourself to a private clinic/hospital - why not look up which ones are realistic for you to travel to and have good results? There are some good clinics in UK - think Europe better if need donor eggs etc as long waits in UK.

Then book an appointment with them, both of you will need to attend and they will give you all the tests neeed. You may be able to book yourself ona free open evening at such a place to see what you think of teh company - Care for example is a big provider with good success rates.

Thanks very much for your advice ladies. I'll certainly look into all your suggestions. At our checks, dh's sperm count was fine and I have a very regular cycle, and test for ovulation, progesterone, etc all came back fine too: hence the unhelpful diagnosis"unexplained fertility" which is very disappointing, in that it gives false sense of hope to an optimistic couple likke ourselves! We assumed incorrectly that it was just going to take a little longer than usual: how wrong could we be! I want ideally to be prescribed clomid, hoping that it'll give my fertility a boost, but mil suggested tentatively that that was also rather optimistic of us given our ages! Also googles clomid and found it can produce hostile mucus to sperm, so now more confused than ever. Really need to see a specialist and FAST! How long do the private clinics generally take? Is it a matter of days or weeks? You guys are very supportive here and I really appreciate this. Thanks so much for your kind thoughts and advice.

Was there no discussion about prescribing Clomid for you at the time you had test results back? That seems usually to be the next step if a specific problem hasn't been identified - it was for me. Just wondering if there was any reason that was dismissed as an option at the time.

Agree with the others that it would probably be best to take more drastic action now and to look at IVF / donor eggs asap. Good luck.

Hi - you could find your clinics and phone the receptionist - they can tell you straight away what the time delay is.

There are many more tests available than what you have already had - which may well actually diagnose what the issue is - at the private clinic I went to look at they said "unexplained" was not an accptable diagnosis without having all the tests available!!

I had never heard of de-fragmentation of sperm, or killer cells of women for eg, all of which can be overcome!! Not saying that to worry you, but to show you there are more tests and treatments out there than perhaps you found out when under an NHS clinic.

(not saying anything wrong with NHS, but as you were wanting to go private just sharing what I learnt)

If you haven't read it already I really recommed this book

eightieschick: how did you get on with the clomid?where you on it for long?did you have a baby at the end of it?
keziahopes:thanks for your advice. yes, i think going private now is a better option for us given our ages and impatience! also, we DO have the money which we would dearly love to spend on future offspring:please God, let us not be childless.(nothing wrong with it, but we have discussed it and this would be a non option for us, so if as a last resort we needed to, then we would, after exhausting ALL other avenues,including surrogacy, resort to adoption, should the need arise. But obviously, first choice would be to do it the "normal" way, or as close to it as we can!
wonderstuff: i have ordered the book and can't wait to get my mitts on it.
Please pray that it happens for us ladies!
Thanks so very much for your support.

Hi - I was lucky and managed to conceive in the month when I was about to start the Clomid. So yes but not due to the Clomid - however I know someone else who did find Clomid worked for them, and there are many other stories about it here. Mine is still in my bedside drawer...

Apologies if this is a no brainer of a question but a) are you having enough sex and b) are you spreading it throughout the month? Just asking because I conceived right at the end of the month when I thought I had already ovulated and there was no chance. Take Charge of Your Fertility will bring you up to speed on a lot of this though.