Delaying ttc, but I'm not sure I should be:-(

[Pinkflipflop]

I feel like my life has been a bit mixed up, and definitely not done things the way it may be 'expected' for me to have done.

For example, this year I will have been married for 9 years (got married at 22 and will be 31 in the summer) and still no baby. We haven't tried before now, because I was sure I didn't want one - but now I have done an about turn. If it is possible, I would really like to have a baby - (I feel a bit guilty about having changed my mind after being so not bothered about babies in the past)

Today, I had a woman who barely knows me gave me a lecture about not having given my parents a grand child (this was at a table full of people) I felt so awful and got v cross and upset about it - silly woman - so insensitive I know, but part of me felt that she had a point.

Anyway, husband and I have agreed that we would like ONE child, but the thing is the time is not right financially. I retrained in a different career when I was 27 and due to the competitive nature of the career, I have been unable to secure a permanent job. The job I have is temp, but I have been told it will be made permanent May 2011.

I really don't want to wait so long, but I know it makes sense. I will be 32 before we even start ttc and I am guessing it could take 18 months to conceive so possibly 35 before the baby came.

Sorry for my long and rambling post - had a bad day today and there are few people I can off-load to about this.

My sil (who is a baby!! at 27 has just announced she is pregnant) I am happy for her and my bro, but strangely envious - money no object for them.

Oh no, I feel like a horrible person now

There are different ways of looking at it.

1. In May 2011 you will have a permanent job, can start ttc straight away, and will have maternity leave and a job to go back to. You will still only be 32. Not exactly ancient. And although it may take you 18 mths to conceive, it may take just a month. You never know until you start trying.

2. Having a baby causes a little blip in your career whenever you do it, so might as well go for it. There is no job security these days any way.

Which of these options is right for you and your DH depends on how urgent your 'broody' feelings are.

p.s. you are NOT a horrible person!

Agree you need to be sensible career-wise, maybe wait unil next year, but just don't leave it too long. The world is full of people who let their careers get in the way, and then it was suddenly too late.

Is there ever a "perfect" time?? We conceived dd1 at exactly the "wrong" time, I was about to be made redundant and so I started my new job already pg, but we managed somehow, and 9 years on I'm so glad we didn't wait.

We um-ed and ah-ed and dillied and dallied and finally ended up having a baby this year - I'm 42. I think it would have been better for me to have taken the plunge 5-10 years ago, if only because I had more zip and fewer back problems .

Don't assume it will take so long. We miscarried in March 2009 and were testing +ve again by the June at the second attempt ...

May 2011 is no time away ... is there anything you can do that feels preparatory? Plan any changes you'll need to make around the house, start finding out about prenatal classes, thinking about names? After I miscarried and I knew we'd be trying again, I found anything that moved me even slightly towards that goal comforting, strangely even visits to the gynaecologist.

Pinkflipflop, you are not a horrible person, it's entirely up to you & your husband if/when you want children and that woman had no right to make you feel guilty about it

My DH & I have been together 12 years and I never felt ready to have a baby - still felt too young - at 27 , couldnt afford it etc.
Now I'm 31 and DH & I have been trying for 3 years, we no longer own our own home and have a much lower income following DH's redundancy a year ago. So if you look at it that way, we are in a much worse state now than we were when I was making excuses! I feel guilty too, as my DH who is 5 years older than me has wanted children for a while.

As previous posters have said, and several of my friends have said, there is never a right time, but you are being very sensible by talking this through with your DH & ensuring that you are both comfortable.
32 is not old, you may be lucky and conceive straight away, but be prepared if you don't.

Good luck x

Thanks for the encouraging and supportive messages. I feel sometimes it's easy to panic and I may get myself a little wound up about things.

Guess the sensible side of my brain knows that it would be much better to have a perm job before a baby, other side of me worries about what I'll do if we can't conceive, whether I would actually be a good mum etc etc etc