I'm worried about leaving it too long and I said I didn't want children :-(

[Pinkflipflop]

I got married quite young, age 23 and now having been married for 8 years, (and having said I never want children) I do! Here I am aged 31 and I have done an about turn on the whole child and baby thing. Anyway the problem is my job is not perm, I am a teacher and due to the job market, I am getting a series of 1 year contracts. I didn't train to be a teacher until I was 29. It looks as though I will be made permanent in my current school next Sept but that is more than a year away and despite senior management saying all the right things, nothing is set in stone.

The reality is it could be almost 2 years (aged 33) before we can even try for a baby, could not afford 1 salary and need paid maternity leave which I would not get on temp job - plus I love my school and I want to stay.

Had a woman at work today talk to me about how much trouble she had getting pregnant and that aged over 35 for first baby is too old. I feel so worried.

I would have done it so much sooner, but I really had absolutely no maternal urges in my twenties and would have made a terrrible mum - I am getting quite emotinal thinking about how I may have lost out.

It's especially hard at the mo as SIL has just announced she is 7 weeks pregnant at the age of 26 - I am so happy for her - she lives next door to my parents so my mum will look after the baby for her while my bro and her work.

I live 200 miles away from parents - OH job - and have no one to look after baby, so have to be in a position to pay for child care.

Sorry I am rambling - I don't actually know what anyone is meant to reply to this -

you know, i had dh when 31 and then struggle to conceive ds2 (who is a big bump atm ) from 35.

but although it's scary advice to give, i think you might be ok at 33...as long as you're all systems go as soon as job goes perm.

it's a really tough one.

fwiw i think it's totally normal to hit your 30s and change your mind about not wanting kids.

Are you absolutely sure you wouldn't qualify for paid maternity leave? I'm not so sure. www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/BenefitsTaxCreditsAndOtherSupport/Expectingorbringingupchil dren/DG_10018741

I think it's normal to change your mind too! You don't realise what a powerful urge wanting kids until the hormones kick in at about 30 imo.

I would get statutory maternity pay, but U don't think it is very much. If I have a perm job I would get full pay at least for a percentage of my time. Also If I left a temp job to have a baby, they would recruit someone else and I could not go back:-(

I had my first baby at 37 - pure accident and my second 14 months later, another (happy) accident. (voth with DH I hasten to add!)

Age really isn't the be all and end all.

How many temporary contracts have you had? How long have you worked continuously for your employer?

It would be quite unusual for them to offer such different maternity cover based on permanence. I work on temporary contracts (endemic in my line of work) and I've had 2 maternity leaves with the same benefits as continuing staff. I'd be surprised if your union was happy for them to offer such poor conditions to staff on FTCs

I'm 11 weeks pregnant now with no.1 and we changed our minds last year when I was 33. It took us 6 months but only probably 2 really as after temping found out that we weren't getting the timing quite right. Good luck!

I'm not a legal or HR expert but I think it's worth looking into where you stand legally on maternity leave, especially if it's the same school that keeps renewing your contract.

On the other hand if you want to wait until you have the permanent job I can quite understand, and I don't think 33 is too late at all!

cross posts w skidoodly there.

I empathise with you as am in a similar (possibly worse) situation re work vs getting started on a family (I'm self employed so no hope at all of proper maternity pay). Similar hormonal kick-in at turning 30! My DP is self-employed too and money and keeping our careers going will be a real issue when we start a family. It's all very much far from ideal but like you I don't fancy sitting around too long. In our house is DP who wants to hold off a couple of years while his career is at a crucial point (but who's to say there's not going to be another crucial point after that, and another, and another.....!)

I'm trying to be philosophical about it in terms of taking the stance that we can't see the future and have to take the plunge sometime. Everything else apart from my body getting older is changeable/could work out differently than I can now imagine, so logically, although it's not ideal at all I should go with the definite (what my body wants to do!) and muddle through with everything else as we go along. I also feel like, often in life what you feel right now seem to be the only possible set of circumstances, when your priorities shift a little bit down the line that can all change.

On the positive side, you've qualified as a teacher and have a few years under your belt, so you're in a better position now than if your maternal feelings had emerged a few years ago...dunno if that helps though!