Giving up TTC - how easy is that?

[Spacefrog]

Hello, I've been TTC for six months, I know it's not much but now I want to move on. I have one DD that took 25 months to conceive due to low sperm count, and now DH and I are two years older so we'd need a miracle to get pg, or so I feel.

I'm getting rid of DD's stuff that I was keeping for a sibbling and have decided that I never ever again want SWI, only lots and lots of SFF. And I will never buy a hpt again unless I am one month late.

Anyone has been there before? I feel liberated but sad, could use some support... Oh, and please let me that only children are happy children.

Hi SillyTillyBilly - I think it is very hard to stop TTC. I go up and down all the time. In the build up to period I convince myself I might be pregnant regardless of how much sex I have had. Then, when period comes I feel desperately sad and depressed for about 5 days, convince myself I am not going to try next month. I even thought about using contraception this month so I would avoid the ups and downs but DH doesn't want to in the hope it will happen.
I feel the same as you I too have a wonderful DD, well not always wonderful and it is those times when I think, do I want 2. But the reality is I do, I am very close to my brother and I want that for her and feel desperately sad that she won't have that.
I guess we will all stop trying when we are too old, or our DD's are too old to want a baby around etc.....For me 36 is too old, I have 18months til then. Then DD will be at school I will be back at work properly and the baby space in our family will be smaller - I hope anyway, that is how I get through the darker times.
Whatever the eventual outcome for us all we will get through it. I keep thinking about how much more we can afford for our DD if she was the only one. In terms of when she is older, helping out with uni fees, step up on ladder, blah blah blah. Plus hope to get another bite of the baby cherry if she has kids! God I will be that dreadful mother moaning at her to give me grandkids!

You could be me writing that post! I have only had one month where I really felt happy with one child and thought I am not going to actively try but then the disappointment that came with my period was huge anyway so I have gone back to not kidding myself! I refused to chart for 9 months (on the logic it was more likely to happen if I wasn't analsysing eveything and relaxed more) but actually feel happier now I have gone back to charting. I know I want more and I know I have to be patient. As you say there are days when my daughter is playing up when I wonder how I would cope with more too.

You are right though - whatever happens to all of us we will get through it. I have a wonderful daughter and I know som many people haven never managed it once. I am lucky, very lucky but still get down too.

I don't think 36 is too old. I tried asking my DH what he thought was too big a gap and he wouldn't say a limit. Sometimes I imagine myself with a ten year old and a newborn and the ten year old is all motherly. I think it could work but it wouldn't be easy. There are pros and cons at all ages.

You take care

Going back to the original post - I do think only children can be happy children. There is more money around for them, more time for them and friends can be better than siblings sometimes anyway in my opinion! I'm just not ready to make that decision to stop trying. I think the important thing is to tell them when they are older how much you wanted more so they don't think they were the reason you stopped at one!

Well the four weeks are almost up for me, I did an early test (not chocolate brownie then) yesterday because I didn't want to spend the next three days wondering if I was preg.

It was BNF, obviously, and I am now happily going through the last few days waiting for AF with a box of tampons in my travelbag and plans to enjoy a lot of good wine over the weekend.

It was not too bad after all. I've decided that I am allowed to test early if I want to make sure that I am not pregnant. Plenty of good reasons for that: drink wine, buy new lingerie, drink more wine, buys tampons, drink even more wine.

I'm feeling much stronger now to start the new cycle of not TTC. I hope we'll all get to the point where we'll accept our lot, count our blessings and get on with it.

Lol at DC being the reason to stop at one! My DD is truly the reason why I wanted more children. [looks lovingly at DD sleeping and feels so proud]

Hello Everyone
Sorry I have taken so long to write anything I am having a bad week. A friend, who I guessed was pregnant ages ago confirmed via text on tuesday and guess what I am not happy to have given up hope. I slept for 2 hours that night in tears the rest of the time and have been all over the place since. I am incredibly happy for her but so very sad for myself I do really truly want another one. I don't know what to do, I am on drugs to help me manage a medical problem in order to get pregnant, but the drugs make me feel sick. I just don't know what to do, my mum started to talk about an article she read in the paper about how there has been a big increase in people experiencing secondary infertility, all infront of my brother - we are close but not that close. I told her I didn't want to talk about it. Then she hugged me later and told me how thin I was and I said yes I am and that is all I am able to control at the moment. I am SUPER sensitive.
Sorry this is all about me I appreciate that I just had to let it out somewhere as can't in RL and couldn't find a more appropriate place in MN.
SillyTillyBilly - I do know what you mean about having a 10 year old and a newborn but that would mean another 6years of trying and for me I just can't feel this down for that long.
Spacefrog - whilst you missed out on a chocolate brownie I am impressed by your positiveness. My AF is due on my DH's bday so I am going to have to get a grip and enjoy the beers rather than drown my sorrows!
Sorry have been very self indulgent.
In answer to the OP - how easy is it to give uup TTC - in my case really bloody hard!

Feel better after that - thanks

KaraThrace I am so sorry how hard it is for you at the moment. You are right about the OP - it can't be easy to give up. Should have been: "how can we make it less hard?".

For me it's all about tricking my mind into not caring. I treat myself to a lot of cakes and I do treat my DD a lot too. I got rid of all my pregnancy stuff and most DD baby's stuff now. I almost never talk about conception in RL and my family know to stay away from the subject. With DH we try to be realistic about our chances and laugh about it. I don't tell him when I ovulate and try and have sex regulary so he doesn't suspect when I may SWI.

I hope that you'll find the way to cope that suits you best. As you see mine is probably denial!

Like you, I can't think of another place than MN to talk about it. That's the place to be self-indulgent and look for support. It's where I come too when all this "not-caring" approach is getting a bit difficult.

spacefrog - thank you for your kind words. I totally understand where you are coming from and I too am attempting to do that.
All the people who we used to speak to about having another we are telling it is over and we have stopped. And we sort of have, I ran to the loo after sex last week to get rid of everything in the hope that would stop me obsessing.
I can't bring myself to get rid of DD's stuff just yet and I probably never will get rid of her clothes as I am a terrible horder.
I also treat (spoil) her too, I will have to reign that in before she becomes one of those terrible rude children who expect everything they desire.
I am currently in the process of accepting that it probably won't happen and we have stopped talking about our children and only our daughter. I am in mourning of the family I thought I would have, and once we have got through what would have been the due date of our mc in a couple of months then I think things will start to get better.
I am glad to hear that you and your DH are able to laugh, that is where my DH and myself must get to.
It is nice to have you to talk this through with and I really appreciate the support, thank you.
I will strive to care less

Your posts have brought tears to my eyes.

DH & I have been TTC #1 for going on 3 years. Had an early MC in February, so that has delayed any potential fertility treatment that we had lined up by another year (at the docs recomendation).

Every month is like another kick in the teeth, I'm 31 and DH is 37, so we're not exactly young.

Several times has DH uttered the words "giving up", but immediatley retracts it.

Is it possible to give up??? I couldnt imagine it!

IfAtFirstUDontSucceed - I am SO sorry for your loss, that is awful. I had a mc in Dec and as I approach the due date I get more and more depressed. You are young, I am 34, so you have so much time left, if you want it. I don't know what to say or suggest. I have a medical issue that seemed to be brought on by the birth of my daughter. Where I used to take comfort in people telling me everything would be alright, I no longer do, now I just want to slap them. And I suppose that just shows where I am at, I used to believe that I would have another, now I don't. I guess I am on the path to giving up. You will know, if/when the time is right.
My DH and I keep lining up lovely holidays that we would not have been able to do if baby was here but we are also mid (protracted) sale of property so that keeps preventing us.
I don't know what to say but I send you and your husband my love - it is shit and only those going through it, or have been through it can possible understand.
You just do what you need to. xx

Ok I am having another bad day as another friend has announced her pregnancy, just had unprotected sex once (sigh). And I can't feel bad because she had a terrible time having her first and so of all my friends she does understand what I am going through, but still I shed quite a few tears in private.
Can't concentrate on work either which is not good.
Also AF due this weekend and am willing it to come early so I don't get my hopes up.
Hope everyone else is ok.

Hiya
Been TTC for 2 1/2 yrs after (since DS was 6 mnths). Can't face stopping trying, but hate the disappointment every month. I have had 2 EP, so I am obssesive about POAS as I have such a high chance of EP again, I need to know ASAP so I can get scanned. You ladies are so brave to get rid of baby stuff- I want to cry at the thought! I have read so many "hope" stories about people with more m/c than me ( am on 6!!) and still manage to have a baby. Love the idea of eating cake to stop from POAS! WIll be trying that from this month for sure. Should be able to hold out till at least a week late, still in time for scans in time!

We have been TTC for a year, but we now have to give up properly for work reasons. Unfortunately, I think that by the time we could start TTC again it will probably be too late, but for now it is good to focus on all the things that we can do.

I know it seems "normal" to have two children, but I think there are lots of advantages to being an only child (financial ones, parents have more time for you etc.). I am an only child and, while I would have liked a sibling occasionally when I was younger, I am glad that I didn't. The only thing I can't understand is how close some people are to their brothers and sisters, that's the only difference I think there is between only children and those who aren't.