bmi and conceiving help please

[meerkatsandkookaburras]

ive just been told by the consultant that nothing is wrong with me and the reason im not ovulating is because im overweight. i have a bmi of 38 which i know is high and i know im fat but i was the same weight when i got pregnant with my son. my periods are really irregular (21-49 days) and i think there is more to it than my weight but consultant thinks otherwise. tests i have had done are day 2-5 blood test, day 21 blood test (though that cycle i actually got period same day so not sure how that would have affected results!?), an internal scan which apparently didnt show any cysts or anything, and swabs etc which apparently were normal! so i have loads of weight to loose before they will do anything. im gutted as im sure there is more to the issue than that. i have 5 stones to loose as they wont give me anything apparently til my bmi is below 30, i cant do it i just cant, is there anything else i can do in the meantime it will take me forever to loose that weight and even then there are no guarantees that will help me get pregnant a im sure its not just that and ill be older then and i et that will be their next excuse, and as i have a son already (age 4yrs 5 months with ex partner concieved after 21 months ish trying). my partner has had a semen analysis which showed no sperm visable so they are repeating that but that wouldnt explain my irregular periods, heavy periods, and problems concieving my son. is it really just my weight am i kidding myself to think its not just that???

any opinions good or bad please tell me im in tears today i feel so useless and know it will take me forever to loose 5 stones!

Hi,
I find losing weight to be really really hard. The weight is directly linked to my hormonal issues - since I have PCO and hypothyroidism. Last visit to the doc he did say that he wants me to get to 25 BMI [am currently 29] before he'd suggest any further treatment related to fertility. Regardless of it being my endocrinologist or my consultant - the message is always the same. Lose the weight and come back.
I hear that and feel terribly frustrated, depressed [causing me to eat more] and sometimess very very angry. I even told the consultant that I was fitter than he was given all the exercise I do...and he agreed. BUT sadly the truth is that the extra weight does make it harder for our bodies to get pregnant.

It's a bitter, bitter truth and I know that each day I battle this monster of my weight and hope for the day when I will have a healthy pregnancy.

On my good days I think of it as a road - and that by eating healthy and exercising regularly I am on the right path. With each passing day I am being as healthy as I can be.

I don't go by the scales or by loose fitting garments or any of that -because for me it means craving to lose weight faster than my body is doing...

It's great that you got preg at your current weight. It gives you hope and remember that our docs can only tell us what will help or not help - - they can't tell us when or how we will get pregnant. Best of luck.

This might not be what you want to hear but even if there is more to it than BMI, it is worth starting to try and lose a bit of the weight, it's not 5 stone or quits, each pound makes things a little bit better so set smaller goals. There are possibly multiple things going on but a high BMI does have associated risks and just because you would rather latch onto one of the other things doesn't mean the risks from being overweight are then insignificant. A large number of health problems are exacerbated by being overweight even if BMI isn't the root cause. It will also be healthier for you once you are pregnant and make it easier to pick up on and treat any other problems.

On the plus side (sort of), tackling your diet might also help you feel a wee bit more in control as it gives you something to focus on and once you have lost a few pounds you could start to feel less helpless about the whole situation. The doctor might also be more understanding if you are actively trying to help your situation instead of them trying everything you want and you not doing the only thing they have asked.

I hope I haven't upset you but I do think it is kinder long term to be honest than to give you other things to latch onto that just waste more of your time. Joining a slimming group might also get you some real life support from people in the same situation, which might also be good - best of luck!

Hi meerkatsandkookaburras i had to loose some weight before we could start IVF we have unexplained infertility and my BMI before was never an issue but i was slightly on the border of 30/31 so had to shed a stone. I found Weight Watchers and the Atkins to be short term diets so I tried one that had been recommended to me it is called the Harcombe Diet. I managed to shed the weight and have kept it off even though I haven't been 100% following it fo r the last couple of months.

The first five days are tough but once you completed them you feel soo much better. I would highly recommend her books - check out the website see what you think.

I know it's not easy but if it is what is stopping you falling pregnant then you should already have the motivation you need to loose 5 stone. I know it's easy to say that but I've been there lost the weight and am now in my 2WW from my 1st IVF cycle all within 3 months

good luck and I hope it works out for you

Your partner having no visible sperm would seem to me to be a bigger problem than your weight for the purposes of conception!

I don't know how fat a BIM of 38 is I can only understand in clothes sizes or stones but I know by walking round the town where I live that plenty of huge women have plenty of children (I live up north, nuff said? ). You probably should lose a few stone but if all your checks have come back as normal and your consultants telling you it's your fault rather than your DP's who has no visible sperm in his sample then that strikes me as rather odd.

Also although I'll admit I don't know that much about fertility tests how do they know you're not ovulating when you couldn't possibly pinpoint it with a cycle as wildly unpredictable as yours (forgive me if that's a stupid question obviously).

My advice would be to start looking into realistic ways to lose weight long term and to start looking into getting a new consultant asap

Hi meerkatsandkookaburras,
I have just read your thread and I can see that you're anxious and feeling low. I have a mild PCOS diagnosis and my periods are irregular much like yours... I have been TTC for 11 months with a BMI of 35 and then just before Christmas I decided that I was going to be proactive and sort myself out... I am sick to death of BFN pregnancy tests and negative OPK and worrying myself silly about the prospect of never being able to concieve, so I have joined a slimming group and already lost 20lb bringing my BMI down to 30. I have a long way to go... another 3 stone to be within my healthy BMI but I feel so much better. Although I am not sure that this weight loss will solve my problems and I may need medical intervention, I know that I am working hard to create a healthy environment for a baby and that I'm doing all I can NATURALLY, rather than being overweight, unhealthy and on top of that, filling my system with fertility drugs etc. At least if you lose some weight you're giving yourself a head start. Research shows that just 5-10% of your bodyweight can help sort our cycle and regulate our periods! I can completely empathise with you that this prospect is so frightening and at times feel that I am under so much pressure to be healthy to give my husband and myself a chance of a family, but on the other hand, day to day, I see my body changing, I am fitting into smaller clothes and I am full of energy which are little bonuses along the way. I'm sorry my thread is so long and that I sound like I'm on comminssion for a diet club! I hope you found it helpful. Good good luck.x

Brilaunt - thank you for posting to this thread. I hear you completely on your journey - - am currently on the same road
I am on my 2ww and have used this as an excuse to eat like there's no tomorrow. So reading your message gives me courage to rein in the emotional eating and get back on to the road to a healthier me.

'I can't do it, I just can't'

Think about that attitude. Of course you can do it. Do you want your children to have to deal with all the problems that being obese will bring you?

You can get down to a healthy bmi in a year I would say. Certainly it won't take you forever. If you are desperate to get pregnant, why not tackle the problem?

Hi womanlytales, thanks, I know we all have weak days and it totally doesn't matter... As long as we get right back on track asap!Good, good luck... Keep in touch.

B.A x

thanks everyone guess i just need to really try, hope my partners sperm comes back normal or near enough normal this time, what happens if its no visable sperm again?!?! is that likely??? i knew you could have a low sperm count but didnt know you could have none?!?! hes only 31 if that makes any difference!?