WDYT How long old can you risk leaving it to TTC???

[picklemum]

I'm now 40 years old.

How long dare I risk it to TTC again, given I have got pregnant easily before. I just dont know ??

I have been very unlucky that my husband was very seriously ill ( and could have died ) when I was 33 and a few months after my DD1, now six was born.

The first two years of her life were miserable due to his my husbands illness.

I am very lucky that he recovered and I then got pregnant again very easily, but then I miscarried my second pregnancy at age 35.

I conceived again easily few weeks later, and it was twins.
Unfortunately I have had no family or support. We just moved area before we found out it was twins.
So I found it very very hard with the twins first 2 years, in a new area, with an older DD1 who was 3 when they born.

I got PND, probably as I never had a break.
I found when I went out with all three, there was no time to meet or chat to other mums. Unfortunately the local twins club was no good as they meet at school pick up time and I can rarely go.

I would like a forth child, but really want to wait until the twins are in full-time school.
I could NOT cope with a baby while they are at home most of the day and cannot afford child care. They are three years old now and still exhausting, ( especially combined with the school run 10 times a week which they hate but I have to do ).

Can I leave TTC until they start full time when I will be 42 and half years or is that just crazy ??

Just realised-- I know I could get pregnant with twins again, but most likely I wont, and if I did i would have to terminate- just couldn't cope. ( no money and tiny 3 bed house ) Sorry but I had no idea how hard twins were till I had them, especially with no family at all to help.

I hate to ask, and I'm not trying to be mean (AT ALL) but are you completely sure you want another child? It sounds like you have your hands more than full at the moment. When the twins start school it could be a real opportunity to meet other parents and build up that friends circle and support network it sounds as though you have missed. Might a new baby delay that again? Also, when you are over forty, your chances of conceiving are less and I'm guessing the last thing you need or want is for the desire for another child to completely take you over like it can do. And it sounds as though you have been through an extremely rough ride with your husband's illness and your PND, so might it be a time to relax and enjoy each other's company as a family?

As I said, it's completely your decision and you can tell me to mind my own business, but those were my first thoughts on reading your post.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Thank you Ariesgirl, I dont mind your constructive advice and its a good question !

I'd always thought I'd only want 2 children, but since I've had mine I realise they are soooooo fantastic !! ..that I do want a forth !!

I know my limits, that a baby whilst twins are under 5 would be too hard for me. After they're five it will be very different alhough still very hard at school holidays.

I think one selfish reason I do want a forth, is that I have managed to have three babies and never really enjoyed any of them really !!!

I have coped/mamnaged/ 'got through' only. I have NEVER had a happy first 2 years with any of them.
I know this forth time could go 'wrong' again - the baby might be unhealty, I could be, loads of stuff could go wrong, but most likely it wont. It will most proabably be fine. I still feel cheated really.

Also re: family dynamics having 3 children is proving to be very hard, one child is always left out, constantly. I think four may play together better. ? Maybe wishful thinking.
Also coming from a tiny family with no cousins, aunties, only children etc I love the idea of being head of a large family.

I was one of three and yes that's a point! I think naturally the twins will play together and the eldest child will rely more on his/her friends. But as it is you're head of a large family aren't you? And having four children in a 3 bedroom house can only increase your stress levels. Could you not now try and concentrate on enjoying your three lovely children and your husband who thankfully has recovered and making their childhood memories fabulous rather than thinking what if, what if?

But again's that's just my opinion.

That is what I'd like Ariesgirl, other people's opinions. I think you make some good points. It has been going round and round in my head. Thanks for your replies.

Funnily enough my twins dont play together much at all, maybe because they are boy-girl. The girl twin plays with my eldest when ever she is here and my boy twin gets left out mostly.

It is quite likely if I leave it late to conceive I will never have that forth child. It would not be the end of the world and we'd certainly have more space and money. Before I had kids I could never imagine myself wanting four !!1 but my three children already, well they are so amazing, and I do love being a mum.

I love the actual 'job' of being a mum : as long as I'm not overloaded.

4 is incredibly hard work!

Well in answer to your original question I conceived without trying at 42, then had a mmc and conceived again the second time of trying. After a second mmc I conceived easily again and my DD was born 2 months before I turned 44.

Of course everyone is different and it doesn't follow that the same will be true for you. You'd have to accept that leaving it until then means it may not happen.

You'll be aware that the risks of Downs Syndrome and other chromosomal disorders increase dramatically after 40, as does the risk of miscarriage.

You just have to balance the risks and pros and cons. HTH