Family pressure

[luckbealady]

Evening all, great to be on here!

DH & I have been TTC for 9 months now, and are OK-ish about it all, normally fairly upbeat. But what's getting me down at the moment is the pressure, particularly from his family. We got married last summer and apparently members of his family were running a book on it! We're both in our very late 30s and as predicted, it's not been as straightforward as we hoped, and I find the constant coy questions and raised eyebrows rude and intrusive. One of his sisters went down the IVF route after years of trying, so you'd think they'd be more sensitive!

Sorry...rant rant rant....I am just so fed up with them all. We're just getting on with it, doing what we hope are the right things, seeing the GP to get tests going etc. I am fairly calm, except for when I am asked for the hundredth time 'if you've got any news', when I feel an overwhelming urge to commit GBH. It;s not just now and then, it's ALL THE TIME, and often at large gatherings, in front of everyone. Anyone else got this problem, and any top tips for dealing with nosy friends and relations?

Thanks for letting me vent!

I really feel for you, though it must be said that my friends are worse then my family. I was only saying today on another thread how rude, intrusive and downright insensitive I find these questions. I would never dream of asking anyone such a thing, and when somebody says that yes, they want children, I would love to say in a puzzled tone "Oh really, why?"

If I were you, I would saying calmly and firmly that you would like children but it's not happening at the moment and you would very much appreciate not being asked about it all the time as you find it quite difficult. Case closed. If anyone then persists in asking you would be quite within your rights to tell them to mind their own business.

Again, I very much sympathise with you on this one. Good luck.

Hello, I didn't want your post to go unanswered... I TOTALLY get your frustration!

It makes me so angry that people think they're entitled to ask these things and then when you do fall pregnant they won't give you the space you need to get through the first three months (See similar post from a week or so ago)

Loads of MNers will come along shorly with all sorts of witty and snappy responses for you to fire at your nosy and insensitive relatives (sadly I'm never quick enough to think them up til after the event!) so make sure you use them to full effect!

Hi luckbealady!

I really sympathise. We've been trying for over 2 years and actually haven't seen any of my husband's family since Christmas Eve, partly because I'm sick of the questions and the not-so-subtle glances at my stomach!

I don't have any pearls of wisdom except to echo Ariesgirl's suggestion of straight-talking.

This is easier said than done but if you can get together the courage, it certainly makes you feel better and can ease the situation.

I have found it a bit easier to be honest with some of my own family and just tell them what's going on, in particular that their questions are causing me stress - and distress - and they've been great since that. This seems to work best when YOU are the one to choose when to bring up the subject - rather than waiting for them to ask about it.

Guess I'd better take my own advice and speak to my in-laws next!

Good luck x