Trying with depression

[Pinkytea]

Had anybody else had any experience of this? Especially, the not being the mood thing?! I understand why I'm not in the mood, but I just wondered what your experiences are and how you manage to 'get in the mood'! Tried alcohol and baths and massages.

I think still some of it is because, to put it bluntly, it feels too weird to be doing 'that' (rude stuff) to become pregnant. It seems really wrong. Has anyone else felt like that?
I know it's overthinking, but either way it's still really an issue.

Also I'm worried that I'll feel trapped once I'm pregnant and I won't feel like I can do stuf. I don't have my career sorted yet...
Any advice anyone?

I have suffered from depression since I was very young (and have been treated since I was 22 when my Mum died)and you bring up some points that have actually crossed my mind now I am pregnant (about feeling trapped and career etc).
I didn't actually have the same problem with conceiving, but to be honest we weren't "trying" trying. Sometimes DH was more into the activity than I was though.

If the thought of doing the deed "to become pregnant" feels wrong how do you feel about just doing it for fun/love? If that makes it any easier then stop actively ttc and just enjoy getting physical. One of the plus sides of sex is that it releases endorphins that elevate your mood, a major bonus for anyone with depression. Exercise is another thing that does this so maybe you could do a gentle work-out during the day to lift your mood and this might make you more "in the mood" later.

I think part of the problem is that you are putting yourself under too much pressure as well as over thinking. Is it possible that you're just not ready to be a mum yet? Maybe you should think (but not over-think) about this before ttc. Sorry if that's a bit blunt but it crossed my mind reading your post.

I don't want to give you more to worry about than you already have, if you're anything like me then you are one of life's worriers, but since becoming pg I have had to slowly come off my meds and it isn't easy coping with the hormones as well as the depression but I am trying my best as I don't want to pass on the negativity to my baby. Again, exercise is great for this.

I don't know if any of this helps but I wish you all the best with everything. Try not to over-think as stress won't help in any way. x

hi,
i have been trying to conceive second child whilst being depressed, stressed and not in the mood, but desperate for another child. i conceived last month, but just miscarried, due to low progesterone - and so after a bit of research found that low prog actually cause depression, lack of sex drive etc plus miscarriage or difficulty in conceiving ,

and as everything is symbiotic ie works both ways, what i have decided is to beat the stress and depression by excercise which will in turn balance hormones to increase sex drive and aid conception and pregnancy.

it makes sense, join me in an excercise regime!

how old are you pinkytea?

I didn't realise anyone had replied to this. How do I get notifications?! I'm watching the topic?

I've had depression since an early age too and have had all the treatment/cbt and most recently have been told I am better off not being in the mental health system as it is making me worse as my depression is the learned type since I was about 8 or 9.

I haven't been interested for about 4 years. If I were to just do it when I feel like it, we would prob do it maybe once a year at most. So I have to force myself to do it and not enjoy it just because we want children.

I exercise regularly and to be honest, I really don't even want to be intimate at all. I can't increase what I'm doing any more as I have to do it very slowly for the fibromyalgia. I do 15 mins physio a day and a step class every week (apart from the last two weeks as I've been ill).

I have struggled with knowing if I'm ready to be a mother, but time is running out in a way as I'm 32. I know everyone is different and people can get pregnant at any age these days, but I have no career (I have done all I can for that and can't really get any further) and so have put everything else in place to be fair.

I have a lot of fears around being trapped and pregnant and not coping because of my health but these are all unknown things and I might be absolutely fine with these problems, I may even flourish. So I don't understand what the problem is.

I just don't know where I'm to go for help as it's not taken seriously. We're prob seeing our doc/nurse this month as it's nearly a year we've been trying so I'll try and mention it then, but u usually get 'well u will feel like that with depression', Yes i know this, what do i do about it?! Grr!

There must be some kind of advice available.

hi pinkytea, ypu have to check threads i'm on or threads i started.

anyway, it all sounds tough i know but not so bad too. I am 39. desperate for second. don't know if i'm depressed or just not in love with my husband, same as you really just have sex to get pregnant thats it.

I did have post natal depression after my first child, but had counselling and totally refused meds. it really helped.

now have you thought about alternative therapies? I went to a brilliant women in london for reflexology. She helped me conceive my first child and it definately worked.

Also recently had acupuncture which was also good.
Have you ever tried anything like that.

I think i have oestregen dominance which makes me depressed so I am going to give up dairy.

I don't know if any of this helps but it certainly won't do me any harm like meds.

Sometimes you have to work from the outside in

I don't think you get alerts, you just have to keep checking back on your posts.

I got some great advice from my mw yesterday about there actually being specific mental health support for m2b's but if you've been advised not to be in "the system" that could do you more harm than good too.

But if your illness is "learned" then surely CBT is a good thing because you can unlearn it by altering your thoughts and behaviours? I have studied psychology a bit and thought that was the whole point of CBT

Like you say, you may flourish as a m2b and as a mum but, to be honest (and please forgive my bluntness), you make having a baby sound like something to be checked off a list rather than something you want to do out of love and a desire for a family. It's nothing to feel ashamed of if it's not, plenty of women don't have the maternal urge. Maybe you do need to take more time, discuss it with your partner and really figure out if being a mum is for you. 32 is no age at all these days when it comes to having babies. Women are having children later and later for all kinds of reasons, including not being ready when it is expected of them. One of my sil's is 37 and has had 2 perfectly healthy, happy babies over the past 2 years. My own pregnancy is going well and is "very low risk" and I am 34 this year. Don't let time, society, family or peers put any pressure on you. You need to be 110% sure you're doing this because you (and your DP) want it.

As for the imtimacy issue, this may be a bit unorthadox but has worked for me when I have been through a period of never being in the mood (but feeling guilty cos I love DH and want to be intimate with him even if I don't want to...iykwim!) Holland and Barrett sell a suppliment called Horny Goat Weed, they do a His and a Hers variety, and it seemed to help . BUT check with your doctor/nurse first as some suppliments don't mix well with anti-depressants.

I would also suggest changing step class for something more gentle if you have fibromyalgia. Try pilates or yoga instead as these not only work the body but are proven to relax the mind and increase feelings of well being.