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Conception

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Original poster

Feeling broody

9 replies

40nhoping · 27/03/2010 10:04

Hi, I'm new to mumsnet and this is my first post, so forgive me if I've not posted in the correct place.
I'm 40 years old, never had children & feeling really broody! Married for one year and we both want children, yet our financial situation is not good. I earn significantly more than my husband and he has alot of debt! He would like to be able to wait a year for us to get debts under control.My salary covers all household costs and his is clearing the debt. I can see waiting is the sensible approach, but i'm 40 and my body clock does not wait for debts, but you can't bring children into a financially unstable home. I just feel I'm in a catch 22 and the broody feelings are so strong! I just don't know what to do...

OP posts:
wastwinsetandpearls · 27/03/2010 10:10

It is awful I am 34 and feel like my biological clock is thumping rather than ticking. I have to wait because of work commitments. In your situation I would go for it but take minimum maternity and dh would stay T home

Ariesgirl · 27/03/2010 10:18

I'm nearly 35 (next week )and we're in the same situation 40. We've got debts coming out of our ears. We figured babies needn't cost much for the first 18 months or so so we should just get cracking because it could take a while. If I were you, I'd do the same because, not being funny, your age could be a factor and again, it could take a while. On the other hand, you could conceive immediately. I second twinset - he could do the babysitting!

Original poster
40nhoping · 27/03/2010 10:43

Thanks twinset and ariesgirl for your messages, its reassuring to talk with people in a similar situation, although I hope you work yours out.. we have considered just getting on with it, but should we concieve straight away it could be an issue (although I'd feel relieved). If our financial situation is to improve, he needs to keep working, he's started a new job with better prospects so him staying at home isn't really the best idea...I'd like to get to a place where, I'm working part time and he's the one bringing in the bigger wage - if you get what I mean. Oh..its not easy. All the best with your situations..

OP posts:
ljg72 · 27/03/2010 16:10

I really feel for you...I have a 6 and a 5 year old, and thought I was done!...I'm now 38 and want to have another! (was not part of the plan!!!).
Our financial situation isn't it's best, but then again if I waited to resolve that, it could be years...which isn't really an option at 38.
All I can really say is...if you ask most couples, there is never a perfect time!...and somehow we all seem to manage :-)
Hope this was of some help...and good luck X

Original poster
40nhoping · 28/03/2010 11:58

Thank you ljg I just have to make sure that I don't confuse the never a right time and make a rash decision as this could our worsen our financial situation, oh to not have money worries. It's even harder at the moment as 3 of my friends have just had babies over the last couple of days! It's a baby boom in my world! Just not me
Are you going to follow your own advice and go for it! Good luck too..x

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MrsMattie · 28/03/2010 12:54

I have to brutally honest with you for your own good. At 40 yrs old I would not be putting off having children for financial reasons. not unless you are destitute.

Are you 100% sure this is your husband's genuine reason for wanting to wait? Does he want children? How old is he?

Ithere is never a right time to have children, as others have pointed out, but at 40 yrs old, you really don't have a huge amount of time to make the decision. I know this sounds harsh, but if you want children, I'd get down to it a.s.a.p.

ljg72 · 28/03/2010 13:24

Hi 40nhoping...believe me you do find a way to get through the financial things, as long as your relationship is secure, and you both decide to go for it.
My world is also surrounded by new babies, and some coming this week!!!!
As for me...well my coil came out a few weeks ago?! ...so it may have already been decided?...but we will have to see :-).
Keep in touch...X

Original poster
40nhoping · 28/03/2010 13:53

I do hear what you are all saying...and I'm prepared to just go for it...and plan for the drop in wages once maternity pay kicks in. But I have to convince my husband, he does want children and I do believe he is genuine in his reasons for wanting to wait, I just think he's being naive about how difficult it can be to conceive as a 40 year old woman. I have put the suggestion out there, he's the kind of person that has to think about it, not spontaneous, just need to let him think it was his idea...his mother is asking too (I've not even said anything to her) and he does listen to her. I'll keep you posted. Thanks for the advice x

OP posts:
ljg72 · 28/03/2010 16:49

Good stuff!! 40hoping :-)good luck and enjoy X

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