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Conception

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Original poster

Having a 3rd after a 6 year gap???

21 replies

Louindevon · 25/03/2010 21:33

I'm after opinions for, or against!

I have 2 gorgeous boys, Harry 8 and James 6, but I am overwhelmingly broody for another baby. (I'm 36 and DH is 47, if that matters...?)

I have been dithering for a while now about whether we should do it, reasons for, and against. Its the classic, heart says yes, head says, no (you'd be mad...)

Anyone done a similar thing, or know someone who has? I really don't mind people sharing stories of people it hasn't worked for as well as stories of positive feelings, it all works for a reasoned argument. I'm totally crap at making all big decisions so help from anyone is a boost!

Thanks everyone,

Lou x

OP posts:

zisforzebra · 25/03/2010 21:37

I could have written your post myself with the only differences being that I'm 34 and DH is 32!

Obviously I have no advice to give but I'll be watching with interest.

brockleybelle · 25/03/2010 21:37

My cousin and her dh had their dd, then when dd was 9 they had ds1 followed by ds2 a year later. My cousin decided she wanted a larger family and she wouldn't be without them (obviously). Go for it!

IndiMamaJones · 25/03/2010 21:40

Am cuddling my 3rd now! She is 7 weeks and have ds who is 12 and dd 7. 3 is great

msrisotto · 25/03/2010 21:40

6 year gap - that's me and my sister! Only thing I can contribute is that I annoyed the shit out of her as a child but were fab friends as adults.

SparklyJules · 25/03/2010 21:44

My cousin had a 9yr old and 7yr old when she had her third (although completely unplanned).

I can't think of any examples of where it hasn't worked - once baby is here everyone loves it and can't imagine life without it.

I had a conversation recently where I told my friend that I was thinking of having a third (my dcs are 6 and 2). My logic was that if one partner was against the idea, they would be making the bigger sacrifice by agreeing to having another baby. But once baby arrived, that person would probably love it completely and be happy with their "sacrifice" compared to the other person possibly spending years being unhappy about not having another child and it possibly souring the relationship going forwards.

Does that make sense? I'm sorry if I have waffled... I have had a glass of wine!

fatsatsuma · 25/03/2010 21:46

I have a very similiar gap between dc2 and dc3, and I had dc3 at 36. We are currently going through a really sticky toddler patch with dc3, so am probably not the best person to advise you

However, in the long term, the pros will completely outweigh the cons. The older two absolutely adore their younger sister, and she is equally besotted with them. Their lives are infinitely richer for her being here. It's great to see them looking out for her and learning that life can't always revolve around their needs.

The cons at the moment are things like holidays - entertaining the older ones while also managing dc3 - and the fact that we had moved on from baby/toddler stuff, and are now stuck right back in it. I am working part time and really finding it a struggle as the days are full of dc3, and the evenings taken up with the older two. I also worry a bit about her being effectively an only child as the older ones grow up.

I think if we hadn't had dc3, I would have always regretted it. It might be hard now, but there is no 'perfect family', and as I've said, our family is definitely better for having had dc3.

Loujalou · 25/03/2010 21:46

When my brother was born I was 9 and my other brother was 7. Get on better with the younger one. Both my brothers used to go on holiday together. My aunt also had a similar gap with hers and they all get on.

castille · 25/03/2010 22:01

I had DS when the DDs were 6.5 and 8.5 (and I was 34). It's terrific, the DDs adore their little brother and he adores them, they are great together (DS is now 3.6).

I echo the sentiment about holidays being more complicated, but then DH often takes the girls off to do exciting things while DS sleeps and I snooze in the shade supervise, which is good for the father-daughter thing.

DS is also very adaptable from having to accompany his sisters to endless activities and hang around until they've finished.

I love having him, he is a joy

iknowitsmadbutiwantit · 25/03/2010 23:45

Sorry to butt in here, but sparkly, thanks, you've just given me a perfect argument to use on my partner. I'm 34 and he's 39 and our kids are 14 and 11. I am desperate for another, and have been for years, but my dp is against it. I think it would be great and bring is all together more, and as my kids are so much older, it'll be great for the little one. What could be better than having a 30 year old brother to run to when your rowing with the parents as a stroppy teenager! Not to mention the built in babysitters! ;-)

Original poster

Louindevon · 26/03/2010 09:09

Wow! Thanks so much for all your lovely responses. I was hoping someone would raise an argument to make me see sense and talk me out of it, but no, looks like you're all as mad as me!

OP posts:

heading4home · 26/03/2010 10:28

Hi Lou, another mad one here

My dd is about to turn six next month and we're trying (very hard!) for a second now. I am 35 and DH is 46 so we're almost the same ages as you too. I'd secretly like to have two more as I always wanted to have three children!

MrsNorthman · 28/03/2010 16:10

Go for it ... if it's what you want your family will all slot around the new arrival.

As for age gap .... well my DS is 6 and I haven't managed to fall pregnant with DC2 yet despite desperately trying for the last 4 years .... I wouldn't worry just do what you feel is right for your and your family.

Also have a friend who has 2 DS, the youngest being 8 and she has just had another baby - a girl this time and they all get along fine and the two boys think she is fab.

Good luck

Original poster

Louindevon · 28/03/2010 17:04

I was all for it, but have been waking in a cold sweat worrying about the cons. I think the biggest thing for me is the feeling that what I am planning is quite selfish and what I want more than the rest of the family and by having another baby now (the boys would be 9 and 7 when it was born) I am depriving them of experiences and activities that we have started to do this year and would continue doing. Things that you wouldn't/couldn't tag a baby onto (long cycle rides, days at the beach, sailing, long walks etc) Either we would have to scale down the activities (I feel very unfair to existing children), or do them without me and baby, wait until baby was old enough, but then oldest would be 14 and unlikely to want to do stuff with us....

I feel I should make the ultimate sacrifice and not have what I want to give my existing boys all I possibly can....

Help???

Lou x

OP posts:

lucybrad · 28/03/2010 17:56

my two are nearly 6 and i would love to be pg - unfortunatley my body has other plans

mumandlovingit · 28/03/2010 18:07

im 30 weeks pregnant with number 3. our two ds's will be 8 and 9 this year. they want to help and are really excited about the baby. id go for it if i were you, you'll only regret it if you dont.

good luck x

Original poster

Louindevon · 28/03/2010 19:13

Mumandlovingit, did you have the same doubts as me before you got pregnant? How did you justify them? I need these doubts to go away!

L x

OP posts:

fatsatsuma · 28/03/2010 20:49

Lou, my DCs are now 2, 9 and 11, and sometimes I worry, like you say, that the older two are missing out through having to fit in with the DC3's needs too much.

However, they do not see it like that. An illustration: tonight DD1 (aged 9) was listening on the landing as DD2 (aged 2) sang her bedtime songs with me. When I emerged from DD2's room, DD3 said to me "That was so sweet I've got real tears in my eyes. I love DD2 sooo much..."

They often talk fondly about the day that we told them we were having another baby, and I honestly think that DD2 has brought an aspect to their lives that they would never have had without her.

neolara · 28/03/2010 21:01

I have a ds two years older than me and one 6 years younger. It is ,and was, lovely having a little brother with that age gap. He talks about having two mums, mum and me. I don't remember having such a little brother stopping us doing things as a family. Even if it did, I wasn't aware of it and certainly don't feel any resentement towards anyone.

neolara · 28/03/2010 21:01

Err,..... db not ds.

Original poster

Louindevon · 28/03/2010 21:22

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I guess we ultimately have to do what we feel is right for our family and make a decision we feel we all can live with, happily. Watch this space!

Lou x

OP posts:

mumnerves · 28/03/2010 21:23

My little sis is 6 1/2 years younger than me and I have brother who's 2 years older. We loved it when she was born. We weren't that close when she was very little till she started school and from then till now we are best friends and I love her to bits. I say go for it!

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