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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

Could this have been possible please help...

21 replies

thebrownbag · 25/03/2010 11:10

Okay this really is the toughest thing iv ever had to deal with in my life. Please dont judge i just need answers.

I have been with my DH for 5 years and last year i fell pregnant with our now 1 year old DD.

I was so excited when i found out i was pregnant but lately cant help but feel sick at what happened in the month beforehand.

I was raped not long before me and my DH concieved and never told him. (i know this is disgusting i joust have never really came to terms with it myself and am too frightened too report it )

I had an early scan because of fear my pregnancy might be ectopic because i had had a previous ectopic pregnancy and the scan showed i was 7 weeks pregnant which tied into the date in which i would have concieved with my partner perfectly and all other scans tied in with this.

My question is could all of these scans have been way off say a month?

My daughter arrived 9 days late of our due date.

She looks like my DH,but i heard of a woman whos fetus lay dormant and then continued to grow...

If she wasnt his all 3 scans including an early dating scan would have 2 have been 4 weeks or more off and she would have been 5 almost 6 weeks late at birth.

what do i do?

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Original poster

thebrownbag · 25/03/2010 11:11

sorry year before

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booboobeedoo · 25/03/2010 11:17

Dating scans are accurate to plus or minus a few days, so they would not be one month out. A baby can't lie "dormant" for a month. I think on the dates you describe there is no chance of it not being your DH's child, so do not worry about that.

I am so sorry for the situation you describe. I am sure someone with more knowledge will come along and offer support / advice on dealing with rape.

Original poster

thebrownbag · 25/03/2010 11:20

thankyou booboo im finding it really hard to deal with. Im crying writing this as we speak.

My daughters so beautiful and perfect and i feel so guilty that theres any doubt in my mind.

I feel like an awful disgusting person

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Original poster

thebrownbag · 25/03/2010 11:25

Oh and when i went for my first scan there was worry when i had an internal examination because my womb felt too small for 7 weeks sosurely it would have been far too smal for an 11 week pregnancy right?

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LittleB · 25/03/2010 11:25

As booboo said dating scans are really accurate, it sounds like she's defitiely your dh's.
However I really do think you need to talk to someone about the rape, you are not awful or disgusting, just incredibly unlucky. I think it would really help you to deal with it by talking to a professional about it. Your DH doesn't need to know. Could you see your gp and ask for a referral to a counsellor? It would help you deal with what happened so you can enjoy your lovely family more. Good luck.

Original poster

thebrownbag · 25/03/2010 11:29

Should i feel quilty about this though? How can i go on after not telling him? I really dont feel it would do him any good nor me really.

Do you think theres no chance shes not his.

He adores her and i would hate to think there was even a one in a billion chance she may not be his

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LittleB · 25/03/2010 11:36

It sounds like she must be his, but I really think its worth seeing your gp he can refer you for help and will be able to confirm that shes definitely your dh's. Perhaps once you are reassured and have come to terms with what happened to you, you'll be able to talk to your dh about it.

Original poster

thebrownbag · 25/03/2010 11:38

how could i confirm it without telling him id have to tell him to get a sample of his dna

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Original poster

thebrownbag · 25/03/2010 11:41

I was due on my period when it happened and came on the day after. I still took the morning after pill just to be sure. My first scan showed i concieved around the time of my usual ovulation

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Buda · 25/03/2010 11:50

It really really sounds like your DD is your DH's baby. She was 9 days late from your due date. There is no way she was 5 or 6 weeks late. No way. She looks like your DH. She is your DH's dd. Please don't worry any more about that.

You do need to talk to someone about the rape though. IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. You have nothing to feel guilty about. But please talk to someone.

LittleB · 25/03/2010 11:54

If you took the morning after pill, and got your period, and the dates are wrong I really don't think you've got anything to worry about. I think your gp will be able to confirm that she must be your dh's just from what you've said on here. I don't think he'd do a dna test as it sounds impossible that your dd isn't your dh's. But hearing it from a gp is going to put your mind at rest more than hearing it here. And if you one day tell your dh about the rape, you will be able to tell him that a gp said that dd is definitely his. It'll put your mind at ease.

Original poster

thebrownbag · 25/03/2010 11:59

Thankyou buda. I know i dont feel guilty i just feel guilty that she could possibly not been my DHs baby.

Ill give you the dates so you can tell me what you think. (altered incase anyone on here knows me but will still keep them same lentght apart)

It happened- 22 may 08
i had my period- 23 may 08

early scan 7 weeks 9 (womb seemed too small)
scan at 13 weeks
scan at 20 weeks
all showed i concieved between 18th- 22nd june

Born 9 days after EDD

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Original poster

thebrownbag · 25/03/2010 12:01

ignore the 9 after 7 weeks its a typo

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Original poster

thebrownbag · 25/03/2010 12:16

I feel guilty for even having the sligtest doubt. I know it sounds paranoid and i know logicly theres no way shes not his.

I know when i ovulated i pretty much know the day i got pregnant.

Its just that little thing in the back of my mind saying but what if this happened and thats whats getting too me.

I just needed some reassurance but dont want to go down the route of DNA because i dont want to shift this onto my DH as i feel like it would make me feel the victim and i just want to carry on with my life and my beautiful family

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OrganicHairbrush · 25/03/2010 12:24

I am so, so sorry that you're going through this. It sounds to me almost entirely clear that DD will be DH's, but that you are really struggling with the rape. Can you find some counselling? Probably best to wait until then before you begin to think about DNA tests.

CUNextTuesday · 25/03/2010 12:26

Oh love it's awful that you are fretting about this. It sounds like you may have a touch of post-traumatic stress disorder which you need to get sorted out.

Like littleB said, we can tell you categorically that it can't be anyone else's baby but your DH's - it just won't stack up any other way, but you will have to hear it from a healthcare professional. And I would combine that with some counselling. It seems you are struggling to come to terms with the rape and are linking it in your mind to the much happier event of your DD. You must unfasten this link for your own good and that of your relationships with DH & DD.

Seriously, make an appointment with your GP, or perhaps if your HV is nice have a quiet chat and get yourself some help. The longer you leave this the bigger the shadow it will cast. Do it this afternoon - at least then you will feel like you are taking back control of the situation.

And cut yourself some slack! Your sensible head tells you she's your DH's and it's right!

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 25/03/2010 12:30

Rape Crisis. Please contact them - you can phone anonymously if you prefer not to see anyone in person.

Original poster

thebrownbag · 25/03/2010 12:31

thankyou for all your support.

I need to let it go and accept that i know shes his. Its just a hard thing to think about when i look at her perfect face.

I will deal with the rape i just dont think if i went for help the words would even come out.

I know i cant ignore the problem but id like too

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CUNextTuesday · 25/03/2010 12:39

Sweetheart I'm sure any counsellor who deal with rape is more than used to that - as it happens you have an 'entry point' for discussions relating to your fears about DD. That will give the counsellor something to work with and if you tell him/her that you don't know if you have any words they will help. They are trained specifically for it.

You will be doing yourself and your family a huge favour if you tackle this head on. It's only my opinion but your DH deserves to know this about you so he can fully support you and put any 'personality quirks' (I hope you know I don't mean this in a bad way...) or future issues into context. You don't need to tell him until you have it straight in your own mind, but he's your life partner, and I'm sure he'd be gutted if he thought you weren't sharing something so painful and heart-breaking as this with him.

iknowitsmadbutiwantit · 25/03/2010 18:03

Hi.
It sounds to me as if you are not dealing with this whole situation and are desperate to talk about it, but are afraid to start. It seems to me that here is a good place, as we are all anonymous, but I think the next stop should be the doctor, or rape crisis. The doctor has to respect your privacy and cannot pass this info on. If you don't think the words will come, print out your first message here, and hand it to the doctor. I think that if you don't let this whole thing into the open, it will become a huge monster hanging over your head, and affecting your whole life. Which I am sure would give the person who did this great satisfaction! No one will judge you for being the victim in this. You deserve to be happy.

lilysma · 25/03/2010 22:19

Hi, I just wanted to add to what others have said to say that I'm so sorry this has happened to you and that you are feeling the way you do. From what I understand it is extremely common for women who experience rape both to feel responsible for it, as you clearly do, and to find it difficult to start dealing with it at any level. You are not at fault in any way here and your response is also entirely understandable. I can't pretend I understand what you are going through as I have not been through this, but I'd just like to add to what others have said that from what I have seen, rape crisis will support you through all of this, including dealing with the paternity concerns you have, when you are ready to talk to them. I really hope you get the help you deserve, when you feel able to seek it.

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