Performance anxiety

[Jebel]

We are TTC and I have been charting for some time.

Charts seem ok for me, I get lots of CM, regular cycles, also using OPK.

The problem is that DH is suffering from performance anxiety so the last two cycles we haven't been successful at trying. He also needs at least 4 days to 're-charge' between trying so it's always as though we have only one shot (pun intended).

This cycle I was certain that OPK would show + this Friday as am regular so ensured diary was clear and we could have a relaxing time without any stress.

Anyway, OPK + today. Typically, both at work today and have a dinner party tonight. He's said that he won't drink but I could see his body language and the worry already starting to build up.

Does anyone else have this problem with OH getting too stressed to perform and what do you do? However hard I try, I do get disappointed which only makes it worse for him. Candles, soft music and lingerie only seem to make the pressure worse :-(

Jebel

How long have you been ttc for?. (If it is coming up to a year then a visit to the GP would be in order).

Timing of intercourse like this does the relationship no good at all and the effects are far too clear, all this will cause the man such anxieties and they can end up feeling used.

I would actually refrain from using all such methods as of now to pinpoint ovulation as ovulation is not an exact science and it is all too easy to get the date wrong. Even women with regular periods have the occasional anovulatory cycle. He sees you using all these methods, no wonder the poor man feels under pressure. Also you do as well.

Take the pressure to conceive off both of you ditch all the ovulation predictor methods, start talking openly more to each other and do other things together as a couple. Enjoy each other's company. Take the focus off the "right time" to have sex and ttc. Sex will become a chore that neither of you will really enjoy if you carry on like this; you need to put the fun back into it.

Hi Attila, I think you are right, I am becoming quite obsessive about it. I stopped using contraception about a year ago but we are simply not doing enough bonking, probably only 6 times. I started tracking everything to be more efficient as it were.

We are able to talk about things and are good friends, tactile and silly with each other. But he's just never been very into s*x.

We don't live in the UK so it is quite difficult to get support, our health insurance doesn't cover fertility.