so confused, just started TTC #3 been despserate to for ages and suddenly scared!

[whizzylala]

As title says - I have been desperate for number three for sometime now. Hubby fine with it although would be happy to stick with two.
Had Mirena removed in Jan and this week is first likely ovulation so away we went. Thing is I am now terrified about getting pregnant - can we afford it, is it the right thing to do etc. I just don't understand, I was so certain about it all and now I am wondering if it is all a big mistake. I am lying awake at night with it all racing through my mind.
I assume it is the fact that it is a likely possibility now that has brought these feelings forward, just wondering if anyone else has been through this?
I feel as though I am letting myself down having stared longingly at newborns and pregnant people for the past year or so and after persuading DH and that it is now or never.
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I don't think it should feel like this.
Thanks
Whizz

Hi Whizz - I wish I could offer some words of wisdom but all I can offer is Empathy!!
I'm in the exact same position.
Dp is just the same as yours but we agreed to go ahead and so we just started ttc #3 about a week or so ago......and as soon as we did, all that longing and positivity suddenly turned into panic, fear and questioning. I feel stupid to be honest.
I'm trying to weigh up whether I'm just a fantasist or am looking for something to fill a hole in my life; or have I just been blinding myself to the realities, hich suddently seem to have been brought into focus.
Considering I am over 40 I feel I should know better!
Yet despite all this, we haven't come to an abrupt stop ttc. I think because deep down the positive feelings are still there...and in the long run a third child really is wanted.
However, I'm not sharing the fact that I'm ttc with friends and family I know that there are VERY good reasons to stop where we are and don't want to justify it - and I know that that is because I can see both sides of the argument and they naturally conflict. Perhaps we'd be daft NOT to panic as having had children before - we know some of what's in store???
I don't have any answer for you - just wanted you to know that you are not the only nutter out there experiencing personalisty conflict!!

Excuse the typos and grammar - I'm useless at checking posts before I send them.

I really empathise - haven't started trying for the third yet and I am really in a quandry about it. Have 2 healthy kids already, financial considerations, bit older now blah blah blah - but something deep down in me really wants one more baby. Like you, dh is pretty ambivalent about having another, but probably will agree if I have my heart set on it. I think you're just addressing all these practical considerations now you're faced with a real prospect - am sure it will be fine though! I'm from a family of three myself and in our family it worked great. Good luck!

Thanks for that, especially laurasmiles - you sound exactly like me, it is so bizarre. I feel that if I turned around now and said that i had changed my mind I would look a right plonker! (I promise I really would though if that was how I felt!) During the days with the kids I feel good about it, at night awake I go through all the negatives. I don't feel able to bring them up with DH, he is not a talker sadly. If I turn around and say I have changed my mind he would be fine - life must be simple for men hey!! (assuming we don't succeed this month of course!)
You are both right though - we know what is in store and the practical aspects.
Well, I am one of four, I don't htink I will go that far but love having more than one sibling which is what I want for mine ultimately.
Thanks again,
Whizz. x

Yes I think if you consider the long term picture then the scary reality of chaos in the near future will be less of a worry.
I think my main worry is feeling I might not have enough time to give to each child. My dd woke up last night and when I was putting her into bed after an hour being kicked in the back I thought - God there might be a baby to contend with next year!?! Suddenly I was feeling rather sheepish about it all.
Still, we are ploughing forth for now...let me know how you get on and whether you come to any sensible decision. x

Its crazy isn't it! I feel exactly the same. I have been broody for no 3 forever! This month ive been feeling a bit odd, and as I was a day or two late, I did a test. what I got was an evaporation line, (although I didnt know what it was till I read about it here!)(and it turned up within the first ten minutes!) Anyway, I spent the entire evening in a daze thinking 'Oh my god, what have I done, I've changed my mind!', then went to bed to be woken by AF! I was really devestated! At least you have your partner behind you, mine really doesn't want any more kids, so I have to deal with the fact he would hit the roof! (mind you, doesn't stop me telling him if he doesn't want anymore he has to deal with the precautions!