baby, yes - sex, not so much?

[incognitoplease]

Does anyone else TTC find it difficult to find the time, energy, and just plain interest to have sex? I feel silly even writing this, but though I really would like to try for no. 2, I've never felt less into sex in my life...and DH feels the same, by all appearances. We talk about/joke about "setting a time" to do it, but it's just not happening. It's been so long now, I think we've both a bit spooked. And full disclosure, we didn't have a super-active sex life before no.1. I wasn't bothered by this- it hasn't been a source of conflict between us at all - but it's obviously a problem.

I'm hoping people won't just flame me on this, and tell me just "to get on with it." I know. Just posting to hear other people's experiences, thoughts.

Hi

I didn't want your post to remain unanswered.

I can't comment on the baby stuff, as I'm just staring out on that journey. But in terms of sex drive, and in my experience, then the frequency you have sex doesn't matter if it matches and suits you both within a loving relationshop. Problems arise if someone wants it more or less than the other. If DH is happy, you are happy and you both love each other then I think you are all good!

(And I talk from having a v v bad marriage where one of they symptoms was that we didn't have sex for months at a time. We are now divorced)

I'll leave someone else with experience of baby-making sex to jump in now..!

Hi incognito,

I know a little how your feeling, my OH has a son (2yrs old) and when he stays for the weekend, our baby making efforts all but go out the window as he takes up so much of our time, energy & attention! So from that point of view I imgine it would be pretty difficult trying to get yourself geared up for it when you have a child 24/7!
I'm not sure what your solution could be, but like brassica says if it's not an issue between you then at least that's half the battle. Maybe try and get a sitter some time when you could just have a night to yourselves and maybe that would help??
It is frustrating though, I think I missed my fertile period this month as we had OH's son staying but I was just plain knackered each night after we put him to bed!!

Totally sympathise.

Husband and I are in our early 30's and we are knackered all the time - we both need a lot of sleep and rest during the working week. We are happy with our once/twice a week schedule, but have had to crank it up for baby making purposes.

I try and get him up for it (excuse the pun!) when I am ovulating, but at other times of the month we just act as normal and I don't pester him. That way, you don't feel like you are forcing anything and you get to have pressure free evenings.

Plus, I went out and bought lots of cute lingerie and he only gets to see them one at a time, to keep him interested ;)

leilalacrosse.livejournal.com/

Leila come and fund us here we are all fed up of this TTC malarkey. So if you ever fancy some light relief come and join us. No stats just trying to help each other through this whole TTC.

I periodically get the nice underwear out and that can help

Sorry not Leila I meant incognito!

I am so with you. I use the time constructively to compile shopping lists/think out novel plot/solve 3rd world debt.

Well not being ovbious but I can almost guarantee you'll need to have sex to make a baby.

If your not awake enough for sex what makes you think you'll be awake enough for a second?

Thanks Loujalou!
Nice undewear? That's worth a thought (seriously, if not for him, then at least for me!) It's not so much that I'm tired as completely distracted, focussed on other things.

incognito I really sympathise - I find it almost impossible to switch off from everyday mindracing stuff. At work and at home I concentrate on lots of things at once and so when it comes to sex I find it hard to concentrate only on that. I mean, I can do it whilst thinking of other things, but it makes the sex a bit uninspiring for us both (he can totally tell that my mind is on the defrosting fish or whatever). Not sure I have any advice, come to think of it, but I just wanted to share and sympathise.

Actually, I do have advice, but maybe more relevant to people who don't already have a dc, which is that I go off alone and just try to get myself quietly a far way along to being properly turned on first. It sort of helps
me avoid the initial stage with him where I have to try to switch off and relax and not get stressed because I'm not switched off and not relaxed and then in a vicious spiral!

But I do get that you totally don't have half an hour to do that.

Oh i just cannot be ased with it, AND it makes a mess on my lovely laundered sheets, sigh

That's what hotels are for honey

We talked about it over the weekend - and joked about it...seems DH is struggling to see me outside the mother mode since no. 1 arrived. So, something of a "madonna-whore" complex going on, to use horrible cliche. But actually, it's the horrible cliche that made us laugh about the whole thing. (Me as a madonna- or me pre-baby as whore - is definitely worth a laugh). Anyway, I wonder if you or then men in your lives have thoughts on this?