Argument

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Am just posting for a bit of support really. I'm posting this now after a huge argument with the other half.

I'm ovulating and today had lots of stretchy mucus so after he was too tired last night was hoping we'd actually have sex tonight but instead he stayed on the computer and then said he was tired again.

This has happened for the past 6 months he seems to think if we have sex once round about the time I'm ovulating this should be ok for me to get pregnant. After an minor argument last month and now a major one now with loads of tears I'm just in pieces.

He can't see why I'm so desperate to get pg and thinks it will happen when it happens. He really can't see why I get so upset. To top it off he said although he wants another baby if nothing happened he'd be content with ds1 which makes me feel worse because it makes me feel that he thinks I'm not 'happy' with ds iyswim?

I don't know whether to just give up.

Sounds like your husband might be depressed? It can be difficult for men to deal with women over this especially if they feel tired and under pressure to perform. When did you two last get to go out on a no kids date? Theatre/ Cinema NOT dinner where you have to talk about yourselves?

Have you pointed out to him that DS1 needs a sibling for good development? Does DS1 have any relatives in his own generation yet?

Hi,

You both need to take the pressure off yourselves, stop arguing and start talking more and openly; you will end up tearing yourselves to bits if you both carry on in such a manner.

You need to stop assuming that you're ovulating on a specific day ("signs" too can be misleading); ovulation is not an exact science and a woman can ovulate earlier, later or not at all in any given cycle. If you are using kits of any sort stop using these.

He needs to stop assuming that having sex only around the so called "ovulation time" is enough to get your pg; it is not and some couples on getting investigations are told that they are not having sex often enough.

Timed intercourse is not a good idea at all, sex two or three times a week throughout the cycle is fine.

Perhaps step back and see the bigger picture.

Has he always been like it i.e. a lowish sex drive or do you have sex at other times in the month? Is he avoiding you around your time of ovulation? Also remember .. there is nothing more of a turn off that someone saying 'come on .... its sex time' and then you expect him to switch on .... a man with a high sex drive would be able to, no problem but if he's 'not that bothered' then maybe he finds it a bit of an effort.

Also you say he does not realise how desparate you are for another child ... is he?

I'm not having a go. We have been trying for another baby for 4 years and have had two miscarriages. Believe me I know how boring the sex can get when you just want another baby. We totally lost sight of our own sex lives. We stepped back, took a look at it and made if fun again. Get yourself some sexy underwear, maybe a few little playthings and read some sexy fiction. Get yourself turned on and maybe you'll stand a better chance of turning him on too!!

Good luck!

Thanks for the replies. Am feeling happier today. My ds is the only one in his generation on both sides of the family.

The main problem is that he has always had a low sex drive so I very much doubt that sex 2-3 a week is going to happen. I suppose this is why I focus on ovulating
MrsNorthman - I know what you mean and I know I just have to relax and not put too much pressure on him but I get so frustrated then it just turns into an argument which funnily enough doesn't help the situation.

He says he wants another baby and I do believe it so I suppose I am just going to have to take a deep breath and back off.

Other problem is I guess that we're always told how all men are always up for it and they'd obviously be delighted by a few bouts of sex in a week. It's just not always true. My boyfriend (as he was then) once fell asleep doing it. I was so ashamed as I thought it meant it was crap, but he was just really really tired!

Sounds like you're having a bit of a horrid time. How about, like the others have suggested, having a spell of dates and affection and seeing where this goes? Good luck

Hi there,

Do you know that he definitely wants another baby?

The main reason that I ask is that I expected us to have at least two, but having had our DD, 9 months ago, DH has said point blank that we are not having anymore. I am incredibly but I guess because he has made it so clear, I'm going to have to just get over it and make sure that I cherish every moment with my DD (like us Mums don't do that anyway ).

Unfortunately it does sound to me like he's making excuses so you need to get to the bottom of what the real issue is.

Good luck!