TTC and losing hope

[hugbug]

Hi mums. Looking for advice and general words of a "don't give up" nature. Conceived our dd stupidly (fantastically!) easily. Now 19 months on of ttc again and after 1 mc we're struggling to conceive again. Had my 21 day progesterone test results a few weeks ago. All normal. Was holding on to that being the problem as being a relatively easy fix. Starting to lose a bit of hope and finding it a bit hard watching my friends popping out number 2 and even 3 now. Tired of being told by those mums that if I relax it will happen (ggggrrrrr). I am actually relaxed (no, really) but tell me how you ttc and yet not focus on what you're trying to achieve?! Not sure where to go next. Whether to go back to doc and see if they'll do any more tests. Any advice welcome!

sorry no advice as im ttc no 2, ds took 21 months to concieve and now im with a new partner and been trying 2yrs 1 month now with no success, having day 2-5 and day 21 bloods done and an internal scan over this next few weeks to see whats wrong, have you had a scan that might hold answers?? id say try get referred for tests? sorry no use but bumped up in hope someone else has and good luck xx

We are in a similar position, TTC no2, had MC last April and no luck since. Our GP has done the basic tests and referred us to the local fertility clinic for further testing - will be a year since MC when I'm seen.

Hopefully by the time the appointment comes around we won't need it (if I'm pregnant), but like you I'm finding it difficult to belive it's ever going to happen.

Definitely go back to the GP and get a referral! Wishing you all the best, it is very very frustrating I know.

No advice either - just helpful stats - we tried, got pg quite easily, miscarried, then prob another one but really early, tried for another year, got stressed, tried not to get stressed, went to doctors, got referred to clinic, got pregnant just beforehand but too scared to cancel appointment so went anyway and got to see my baby as a 7 week old jumping bean!
Good luck! Hope you get there soon. Go back to docs and see what they say if you're not happy with waiting for nature to take its course.

Hi after 18months ttc#1 I can understand some frustrations. Has your dh/dp had a semen analysis, might be worth testing - as a simple, quick test.

I am just waiting for my "lost" 21 day blood tests to appear, but am coping with ttc by going down the NHS medical testing route. Would asking for referral/further testing help you cope with ttc#2?

Thanks everyone. It's obviously not nice to know that others are having the same frustrations but it does bring a small amount of comfort to have contact with mums-to-be (however and whenever) that understand.

Meerkat, haven't been offered a scan, but maybe that's something specific to go back to the doc for. For whatever reason my doc only wanted to do the 21 day test saying that as I had a regular 28 day cycle I was almost certainly ovulating. Have read other sites that suggest that isn't necessarily so though.

No semen analysis as yet Keziah. My dp is with a diff doc so he's said he'll make an appointment. His doc is notoriously unsympathetic and dismissive so a change to my doc may be in order before that will be forthcoming!

I think I'll make an appointment and badger for a few more tests. We originally said that we were relaxed about whether number 2 came along, but it's funny how investing a year and a half of effort and emotional energy can change that. I'm more inclined now to accept whatever the NHS can offer us! But obviously some doctors need a bit of cajoling to offer more.

Cyan, I wish you all the best and hope that you'll be seeing a BFP really soon! I've heard a few stories of pregnancies sneaking up just before fertility appointments. Really hope that proves true!

And congrats JaynieB - that jumping bean must have meant the world! I hope everything progresses well.

Thanks and good luck to us all! x

Hi - Hugbug, i completely get where you are coming from and i can offer a glimmer of hope. I also conceived dd very easily 6 years ago but started ttc#2 over 2 years ago. Was gutted each month and like you, started to find things hard when friends etc announced pregnancies. I had just been given an appt for a fertility clinic in March when I found out I was PG. Am only 7 weeks at the moment, so still keeping fingers crossed that everything will be ok but at least you know it can happen. It probably won't make it any easier for you to know my story but maybe give you a little hope?

Wishing you all the best and hope it happens for you.

Congratulations flintski, it does help! I'm making an appointment today to see how far the doc will go at the moment. I think mine likes you to have a full 2 years of ttc before referral to fertility clinic but we'll see. Not preg again this month but keeping a positive chin up!

I hope the rest of the pregnancy goes really well. Thanks for your message.

Hi hugbug I have two stories that might offer some hope. The first is my uncle. Whilst I was growing up he and his then partner tried for years to have a baby. They went through many rounds of IVF and even when it was successful, his then partner miscarried every time. He had low sperm count, she had problems carrying a child to term (I don't know the medical specifics). They split up under the pressure. Then, eight years ago he met and married his wife. They struggled to conceive, and were under immense stress and pressure - almost to the point of splitting. They saved for IVF and just before starting the first round, his wife got pregnant and he is now the immensely proud daddy of the most gorgeous little 2 year old boy.

The other story is my sister. She and her husband suffered a miscarriage and an ectopic in quick succession. They then failed to conceive at all for over a year... she is now pregnant with their first son.

I hope this offers you a ray of hope! Good luck!

Hi hugbug

You need to return to your own GP.
Your partner needs to change GP practice as a matter of course and preferably to yours.
Its no point whatsoever trying to work with a bumbling, dismissive and unhelpful GP.

You have hardly had any tests done as a couple (infact there have been no semen analyses which should have been done by now so that is poor practice) and both of you therefore need to be tested further. Its no point either solely looking at your good self without your man being tested in tandem. There may well be a male factor problem here or both of you are equally contributing to the subfertility.

You need a diagnosis first and foremost.
You should be referred to a subfertility unit as a matter of course rather than the GP faffing around with more tests and causing more delays. Let the experts do this instead.

In your case I would insist to your Gp that you are referred to hospital.

You will need to be persistant in order to get answers. It is all too easy to be fobbed off.

Hi hugbug,

re your comment:-
"I think mine likes you to have a full 2 years of ttc before referral to fertility clinic but we'll see".

I would challenge that assertion. You should be seen asap as a couple by a specialist.

Also it can take some considerable time to receive an appt anyway so referring you now should not be a problem.

Seconding what Attila says. Your DH should come with you to the appt (it helps if he's registered at the same practice but I'd drag him along whether he is or not) and you should say in unison 'we're trying to get pregnant and it's not happening and we want you to refer us to a specialist fertility clinic'. Sod the 2 yrs (cry if necessary). Even once you're in the system it can take ages (took me a full 6 months just to have all the tests, and a further 6 months of messing about with clomid, before getting serious with IVF) so you really want to get things started so they can get on and fix 'em! Good luck!

Thanks for more stories that ended well! Your poor uncle though Tanmu. For it to end a relationship is really tough. Just shows how all consuming this baby making business can be.

Attila, thanks for the advice (with a fantastically feisty tone to it ... sounds like you've had experience of pushing GPs a bit! Well done you). DP is def changing doc next week so we'll make an appointment together, present a united front .. and a list of demands! And it's a valid point about how long it can take before an appointment comes up. Thanku, it's helped me see a way forward into what was looking very fog like. Some docs just don't seem keen to offer any help, let alone words of advice or consolation.

Thanks bumpless. I can def do the crying thing with conviction! I knew that being an over emotional thing most of my life would one day be useful! I hope something positive comes out of your experiences with the system.