I think I want another baby...or do I?

[SnailWhaleTail]

There is no point to this thread but I really feel so torn.

I have 2 dss, aged nearly 5 and 3, I am 6 months into a 2 year professional course at university and my husband is in the Navy.

I would love another baby and think that the gap will be too big if I leave it too much longer. There are many reasons why we shouldn't have another baby, no room in the house, I'd have to deffer the final year of my course, more childcare costs, would I want to go back to work etc.

I can't think of any positives apart from the fact I'd really LOVE another baby as would my boys, as would my husband.

If we suddenley came into loads of money I wouldn't hesitate but I should be pragmatic shouldn't I and think of the needs of the dss I have....

I bet there are lots of people in a similar position aren't there?

The maternal call is very strong isn't it? I'd say go for it there is never a good time is there?

SWT, I was in a similar position to you about 18 months ago. I had a DS and DD who at the time were 4 and 2. DH and I both have good jobs but with a big mortgage etc. another child would be a stretch, no room at home etc.

BUT.. the practical things can always be overcome, I don't think that the emotional need for another child can be. We accepted that 2 DCs would have to share a room. I fully accepted that I would need to work full time.

I am now sat staring at my beautiful 5 month old DS who is truly the light of my life. I simply cannot imagine or even remember life without him. He has brought so much joy to the whole family, and yes there are times when the bigger two are frustrated that I can't cuddle them exactly when the want me to because I'm feeding but they absolutely adore their baby brother and the bond between all three of them is just incredible to see. They have by no means suffered for having another sibling.

At the same time I have also had to accept that I will feel broody forever. I simply hav a need to be pregnant and have a baby, but where do I stop? Thats why DH has now had a vysectomy. It woud put too much pressure on our marriage for me to keep wanting babies. We do need a bit of life back for ourselves, and although I'll always carry a sadness that I'll never do this again, and it has been really hard to come to terms with, I am looking forward to being able to enjoy my 3 children and give them everything they deserve.

I think what I'm trying to say is that you will never regret having another child, you will never look at it and wish they weren't here but it is possible to regret the things you haven't done, particularly something as emotionally charged as having a baby.

(sorry that was very long! Found it quite cathartic actually!)

Lj29 what youv said made so much sence thank you am a mum of 2 boys aswell and my dh wanted to start ttc end last yr but iv been dragging my feet just wanting a little more time, all said has been said has helped me realise some things tho so thanks very much for this thread op good luck with ttc

You are so right there is never a perfect time; number 1 was a happy accident and the whole thing was fantastic. I did suffer from PND with number 2 though which is also making me hesitate.

I have the mirena in and in many ways I'm tempted to have it taken out and just see what happens. Dh is off soon for 7 months so there would probably be a long wait anyway!

Our 2 already share a room as they like the company but I worry it will be a terrible wrench for me not being full time with a new baby as I was with the boys (was a sahm until sept 09). I think feelings of guilt had lot to do with the pnd last time too.

I would be thrilled if our contraception failed (unlikely) and took the decision out of our hands.