So fed up!

[SOFIB]

I had my first fertility appt today. I was really looking forward to it. We've been a bit head in the sand and I'm 39 yrs old, been ttc for just over a yr and miscarried in July. Had this appt and went (on my own) in a good mood, being nice happy jolly as usual and met this HORRIBLE consultant. He was truly awful. Made me feel so old, past it and foolish. He told me the NHS won't pay for any fertility treatment past 40yrs old, that I'd left it late, kept sighing and huffing and puffing when I was taking time to think to answer questions and wouldn't answer any of my questions at all - said there was no point until I'd had test. My questions were pretty normal and straight forward. The appt took about 5 minutes, which I'm sure is way too short. Then I had to make the next appointments. The didn't have anything until June and I'm 40 in December - doesn't give much time for anything. Then he tried to make out I was being selfish for wanting an appt sooner. Sorry for the rambling message, just feel so pi**ed off. Nobody's ever made me feel like that. I suppose I was wondering what anyone else has found is available for people aged 39+ and if anyone else has experienced doctors like this. I know almost no more than I did when I went in there. Except that I've "left it late!"
S
xx

Hi SOFIB so sorry that you had a negative experience. It is not always like that. I had private treatment possibly because we were not eligible for NHS so I can't help you with the restrictions side of it but from what you have said it looks like you have not left it too late and you need some positive help and not a negative doctor!

If you are 40 in December presumably you need to have your treatment by then so waiting almost 6 months for your next appointment is not a good option. If I were you I would do a little research on the Internet and find out if there is another consultant or doctor who you can speak to and then see if you can do that for your next appointment. You can always call once you have your appointment and try and bring it forward. Being available to go at short notice, if they have a cancellation, might be very helpful.

I also think just for moral support it would really help if you could take your husband or partner along too. It sounds like you were really positive and this totally unprofessional sounding doctor deflated you! In that situation it could help to have someone else with you and on your side, who can say hang on a minute what about etc etc.

I am not sure if you complained whether that would then hamper things. I just don?t know. It might make them treat you better or quicker, or it might not. So it is up to you but I would suggest that you just see about getting this second appointment moved forward so you can have it as quickly as possible. If you call the clinic often and see about cancellations, if you are polite and nice you will win through! I used to be a receptionist in a medical clinic, not fertility, and I did try and help people. The system we had did not allow us to book appointments until here was a cancellation, so those who called and asked got moved up. If you see what I mean.

I do think persistence is good and if necessary tell the reception staff when you call that you have a birthday in December and you would like the next appointment as soon as possible.

Please do update us.

There is an assisted conception thread on here which is very helpful.

All the best.

Hi SOFIB PS I think it is worth saying that if you have only been trying for a year and have already got pregnant once you may find that you can get pregnant without help. I mean it is possible. So although I would totally encourage you to go for it 100% with the clinic and the tests and treatment, I would also say don?t give up hope of it happening naturally.

Sorry if this is too much information but we were given advice to have sex every two days during fertile period (two days apart so sperm can build up) and if you don?t know your fertile time you can have sex every two days as often as you can!

I found Zita West?s book quite interesting. She has tips about your cycle, how to know what is happening with your cycle and about eating well etc. I heard her speak at the fertility show last autumn and one thing she said which was very interesting was if possible to have sex when your partner wanted to, if you want to too, because his sperm will be more fertile when he is wanting sex! As I say, sorry if that is tmi! It is just that mornings are sometimes a time when men want sex and are most fertile so it couldn?t hurt to enjoy some morning in bed at the weekends! Anyway, good luck.

Sofib

I am very sorry to read of your truly awful ecperience with this cons but do not let this horrible person put you off. They are not all like this at all; you were dreadfully unlucky.

You can do something though re appts to help your own self and that is not to go on your own initially at least. Initial appts in particular can be very nerve wracking and having your man with you can give you valuable support and he can also ask questions. I often tell women also to write down anything they want to ask before they get anywhere near their office.

I would return to your GP, explain what happened and ask to be re-referred to another subfertility unit. You do not want to continue being under the care of these people because it won't get any better.

Hi Sofib - I'm sorry you had such a horrible appointment - I honestly don't know what gives some doctors/consultants the idea that they can behave like that. And it's so bloody intimidating/crushing if you're in a vulnerable situation to start with.

I agree with advice to go back to your GP, and ask either about another clinic, OR, perhaps more realistically, seeing another consultant at the same clinic.

I say that only because your access to other clinics is going to depend very much on where you live. Also, if you are able to be referred to another clinic, I guess there's a chance they might have to start from the point of referral again, i.e. GP's letter - which will mean more delay.

Re: fertility treatment over 39 years - what's available on the NHS varies from area to area, both in terms of the upper age limit for access to IVF, and also in terms of the number of cycles. [e.g.NICE guidelines recommend 3 cycles - some NHS trusts offer 3, others only offer 1]. I don't know of any trusts that offer NHS treatment beyond 40 - NICE guidelines say it should be available for women up to 39, but in some PCTS, I believe the age limit is even lower.

So I'd suggest you find out the access criteria for fertility treatment in your local NHS trust. This is publicly available info. Then you will know what you can ask for.

In all honesty, your options at this point are going to depend very much on whether you are able to pay for private treatment. I feel horrible typing that, and I wish it wasn't true, but that's the size of it. If you can only go down the NHS route, you might need to get very 'pro-active' about pushing for apppointments and trying to speed things up as far as you can. If they will only give you treatment before you are 40, but won't have completed tests to decide what treatment best suits you by then, where does that leave you? [question for consultant, obviously].

If you can pay for appointments/treatment, you get seen and tested a lot faster. At my 'local' IVF clinic, the NHS waiting list for an appt is 6 months. If you can pay, it's 4-6 weeks. They also only treat women who are under 40 (which means you have to be under 38 and a half years old when the doctor refers you). However, private patients will be seen up to age 45. You see what I mean.

So I'd say, check out the access criteria for NHS fertility treatment in your area - have a look at prices for private treatment at a clinic and see if that is an option at all - and ask if you can see another consultant.

And I know it isn't what you asked - but I think the fact you have recently conceived naturally, albeit sadly then miscarrying, is a very positive thing, fertility wise. And while I totally understand why you have sought fertility treatment, and that is the advice - it's really common for 39 year olds to take longer than a year to conceive naturally. I don't want to sound glib, but FWIW I think your chances of conceiving naturally are still pretty good.

Good luck.