having major wobbly tonight, need sympathy, lots of sympathy please

[sunburntats]

I am chuffed to bits but cant stop myself from feeling in my guts utter utter desperation and dispair.

good pal on Clomid for 10 months just txt, she has got a faint positive. Its THE best news i have had this year so far but i am jealous, desperately, shockingly begrudgingly jealous. She is so lucky and it is SO her time.
I cant wait to see her and hug her but, when will it be my time?

Oh sunburntats - it's so very hard, isn't it.

I remember that awful feeling of sobbing, and at the same time saying to dh "I'm happy for them, but I'm devastated for me".

She will understand your feelings if you want to tell her.

Be kind to yourself. Give yourself time to be upset.

I'm sorry, I don't know your story - you are obviously ttc - are you having fertility treatment?

Lots of sympathy given. Am sure it will be soon. The little green monster feelings will go (ish) Sounds like she has been trying a while - how long before put on Clomid?
How long have you been ttc?

no, not having fertility treatment, had my 5th mc in December just gone.

I have been trying to keep her motivated telling her not to worry month after month of nothing, i was telling her we will be on mat leave together!

Feel like she has got there now, and i am on my own. left behind somehow.

this will be her 2nd year of ttc, 10 months on clomid. She was given 2 more cycles, so the next cycle will have been her last before taking the IVF route.

We have been trying for about 4 years now.

Have you seen dr re treatments/explanation of mc?

Oh that really is very hard Sunburntats. I remember when my dsis announced her pregnancy just as we found out that we needed fertility treatment. I completely understand that feeling of being left behind and "will it ever happen for me".

I think the hardest thing is not being able to control the timescale. We are used to being able to control so many things about our lives, but getting pregnant/keeping a pregnancy eludes many of us.

reffered to Gynae consultant but they are no use.Not interested, can offer no expalnation because it is such an unknown condition.(apparently)

had bloods etc all come back as normal, no reason..."bad luck" bad luck my arse!

Thing is, af is now 5 days late for me, i am exhausted, boobs sore, feel like death but today did a 5th test and it was a BFN.

Think i must be tricking my body into this because i am so desperate.

I will be absolutley fine when i see her and have hugged her, back to trying ourselves.
I am just letting off steam to you all, sorry

Have a good moan and stomp around, quite understandable to feel really frustrated/sad/envious. Guess it's not the first time if you have been ttc 4yrs

the biggest challenge for me when ttc was trying to find a way to cope with feelings when every single friend got pregnant, again and again, and still try to keep them as friends. I felt it was OK to feel bad for a bit but had to resist it or I'd have had no friends.

litlefish, how did you go on with your fertility treatment, any luck?

We were ttc for 2.5 years. Lots of fertility problems on DH's side. We were told that ICSI was our only possibility. The month before we were due to start, I got pregnant naturally. Dd is now 5 and a complete joy.

Sadly, our wish for a second child has never come true and I am now nearly 42.

However, this year, we've bought and renovated the house of our dreams and I finally feel at peace with our small, but perfect family.

(Unless I hold a very tiny baby!)

Ahh thats a lovely story littlefish

I had 2 mcs then ds who is 6, had 3 mcs in last 18 months, and i am 40 in the summer.

I just feel in my heart, that i AM going to have another baby, but also feel strongly in my guts that like you, my ds is a complete miracle. How on earth did we get him and keep hold of him, how?
Maybe i should never have had any children.
I cant draw a line under this, i cant stop just yet.

I never thought I would be able to stop ttc. Finding our dream house has enabled me to focus on something else. For us, it was the right thing, but I completely understand your desire and need to continue with your journey.

You will know when it is the right time, or reason to stop. I hope that the reason is that you have another baby .

Have you had any counselling? TTC is very hard work as you know, and having some time and space to talk to someone might help you continue in peace, or find a place of loving acceptance.

No, and have never considered councelling either despit 5 mcs.

Its very draining ttc, physically and emotionally, especially emotionally tbh.

sigh