Help!! Very confused about how I feel

[jeanniejelly]

Hi,

I posted about a month ago as my period was late due to having my coil removed. Eventually got my period on 11th Jan and to be honest was quite relieved as bf has just lost his job, our financial situation is looking grim so we'd decided to wait until after we move house in May before TTC.

As I've had a coil for 7 years I'm not really used to having to worry about getting pregnant and it only occured to me that I was in the ovulation zone after having several occasions of unprotected sex! I am really such an idiot!

I guess I could be pregnant this month and I've also had a few other symptoms over the last few days (mild cramps, weird taste in my mouth, slight nausea) although these could all be in my head. I know I've got to wait until at least the 8th Feb to do a test but now half of me is despaerately hoping to be pregnant despite the financial situation whereas the other half of me is desperately hoping not to be! I'm basically changing my mind every few minutes! I'm so confused and I can't really talk to anyone about it as last month I told my sister and my bf that I might be pregnant and then wasn't and I don't want to be doing that every month like a mad woman.

Has anyone else felt like this? Are you ever 100% sure that you want a child. I'm so confused. Also, I've been out a few times and drunk more than I should so this is also preying on my mind although as my Mum has previously pointed out, in the 70's when she had me preegnant women continued to drink (moderately) socially with seemingly no ill effects although you wouldn't think that from the stuff on the net now.

Can anyone out my mind at rest as I'm going quietly crazy here

Hi there,

Poor you, I do sort of know how you feel.

I thought I was PG the first time we BDd after after our first child. Due to the traumatic birth, it took about 5 months to finally pluck up the courage.

We only used a "natural" method of contraception and I was terrified that I was PG. There were various symptoms including a slight bleed a week before AF was due.

My DH definitely doesn't want any more children and after the trauma of having our DD (now 7 months), I certainly wasn't ready to have another one. So I was terrified and felt so ill at the thought that I could be PG, but on the other hand, terrified about having a termination as we already had a healthy DD and know how much people are desperate to have DC.

You will never be able to afford to have a child, no-one can, but we all survive and cope. So don't let the finances be an issue. Believe me, my Dsis has no work and her DH earns about £11k a year and they've got a 9 month old. They cope (just...).

If you are PG, don't let worry cloud your joy. Be grateful for the gift you have. Times may be tough, but you won't regret it.

xxx

Can't you get early tests these days? I've never used one myself, so don't know how reliable they are - perhaps others will know?

I got pregnant totally by accident, when I was coming to the end of a temporary contract, was really in debt and on paper it was just a really bad time to get pregnant.

But now we have our lovely 1yo DS, I wouldn't change things for the world. Yes, things haven't been as easy as they might have been if we had more cash, but do you know what, it really doesn't matter in comparison to having our beautiful DS.

I also drunk - and smoked - through the first few weeks as I had no idea I was pregnant. I know someone who didn't know she was pregnant till she went into labour (that's another story completely, but it really did happen!) She smoked and drank throughout the pregnancy and her - now 8yo - DS is fine. That's not to say I'm advocating smoking and drinking when pregnant! It certainly does raise the risk of ill health and is a totally irresponsible thing to do knowingly IMO. But if you stop now you know you could be pregnant, the risk is fairly small IMO. I remember this being a big concern of mine at the time (I had got really drunk couple of times) but looking back it really doesn't seem so important now.

While I can see that it would certainly make sense to wait until one of you is employed before actually trying TC (unless you are worried about running out of time?) if you are pregnant anyway, you will cope I'm sure!! There is a lot of help available these days anyway.

On an emotional level, if everyone waited until they felt totally ready then the human race would be very small indeed!

HTH

You're both right and I'm glad that I posted now as I feel a bit better about the whole thing. I suppose I was thinking that one day I'd just know it was 'the right time'. On the brightish side I would get a generous maternity package from work so that's in the plus column. I'm sure we'll cope if I am pg so I'll just have to wait and see.

Thanks

If you'll get maternity, then don't worry you'll be fine! DP packed up his business to move cities when I got pregnant. As I was on a temp contract, by the time DS was born we were both effectively unemployed! We coped. And actually in retrospect having DP at home at first was invaluable. I can confidently say our first few months were much easier with two of us at home than for my mates whose DPs had to go back to work after just 2 weeks paternity leave. There is certainly more to life than money! (And we are both working now)

As I said I wouldn't change it for the world. There's nothing like a baby to remind you of what's really important!

Wishing you all the best