First 2ww after mc - just hitting me now

[stillfrazzled]

This will probably sound stupid because I mc'd (on New Year's Day - great start to the year ) at only 4+3. So incredibly early, I'd only known I was pg for 5 days.

Think I ov'd 2 weeks after the mc, and now (if you take the first day of bleeding as CD1) am CD23. Know I will probably come on in about 5 days, if cycle returns to normal, and am dreading it. After a few dyas of being upset I was OK, but now it's just hitting me that I'm waiting for AF and I shouldn't be.

Also, even if I do get pg, how am I ever going to trust a test or relax again?

Sorry to anyone who's had multiple mcs or has yet to have a baby, I know how lucky I am to have DS. But this is new and I don't know how I should be feeling.

bump

Very sorry about your mc stillfrazzled.

In very similar circumstances to you I mc'd at 4+2 on 22nd December and also only known for about 5 days which isn't long but enough time to start getting excited. I also mc'd at 5 weeks in August so was kind of expecting it to go wrong.

AF got me on tuesday this week and I was for a couple of days. I now feel better knowing my cycle is back to normal. Also scared of next pg but would prefer to stay positive really as I don't think worrying helps.

Thanks Beecat. It's horrible, isn't it? Have to now expect things to go wrong, instead of getting excited.

I am sorry to hear about your mc also.

I mc at 9 weeks on 19th Dec and after some spotting over the past week think I am finally getting my first period. I know exactly how you are feeling and I am so sorry.

I think what you are feeling it totally natural, I still feel terribly sad and know that if/when I get pregnant again it is going to be terrifying. I am not sure what we can do to reduce this except to be kind to ourselves.

Aw, Chipper, I'm sorry - to get to 9 weeks and then mc must be so much harder.

I had 2 threatened mc with DS, and although he was fine I didn't relax until he was past the viability date, didn't tell lots of people until I was 20 weeks or so. Can only imagine how much worse I'll be if there's a next time...

And I'm shite at TTC - not the sex as such (DH doesn't complain, anyway!) but I get really stressed, then upset when AF comes... Am going to have to really try to cool down but quite apart from the upset, it's so wearisome to have to start again, isn't it?

It is a pain to start again.
But dont forget that you are grieving for what you fully hoped to be a happy time with no problems and it didnt happen for you.

For this reason, you can expect to feel very sad and upset, you lost your baby after all.

Its wise to let yourself cry and get upset, its normal to be sad when your period arrives after trying and hoping month after month.

I just try to think 12 months ahead, and tell myself that i will either have a new baby or will be expecting one, that scanning the horizon helps me a bit when i am having very dark days.

I am so sorry about your first pregnancy, it must have been so stressful so I can understand your concern.
I'm terrible at ttc also as I get stressed about missing the right time and the 2ww nearly kills me.
It is rubbish to have to start again but am glad my period is back and I can put mc behind me as I have been wallowing a bit. Am desperate to get pregnant before the summer when I would have been due.

Hiya, well we can be a sorry group together, I had a failed pg at 4+4 on 28th December so New Year was pretty shit for me too. I had no idea what a mc would be like and was horrified, especially at the physical aspect of it. Chipper, so sorry for you at 9 weeks agree it must be so much harder.

We went straight back on the ttc bus but it looks like AF on her way despite me being convinced (as always) that we'd made it this month. We already have three beautiful and wonderful boys and it's hard knowing that we could have another but for some reason it's just not happening right now. I feel like I'm being punished for something. I know that's ridiculous and selfish and all of those things and it will happen in time if it's meant to be, but telling myself that still doesn't make it feel better.

Chipper will probably see you on the November bus tomorrow or Monday.

How's everyone doing? I'm feeling so PMT'd it's not true, DESPERATE to test although forcing myself not to, and trying to remind myself it almost certainly won't happen this month while maintaining a secret and stubborn stash of hope.

It is rubbish.

I am feeling so much better now my period is back, though it is very light so am hoping it is a period and not more bleeding from mc. I was in a state last week and in retrospect it must have been PMT!

Fingers crossed that you do fall this month stillfrazzled.

Hi all,

am pretty much in the same boat. m/c at 8 weeks in september after 9 months ttc, then m/c again at 5 weeks on 17th december. stillfrazzled - I hate to say, but the return of my period after the first one was traumatic, as I, like you, had that secret and stubborn stash of hope. My support came from another thread on this site, as I couldn't lift myself up at all. I have 2 lovely children, 7 and 9, but I re-married a year ago. I am lucky that I have them - but am also very sad for the grief my husband and I have experienced- he has no children himself. I am also lucky to have now been referred to an early miscarriage clinic as sometimes, you would have to wait for 3 m/c's to be referred! That's coming up in a couple of weeks. The very best of luck to you - and give yourself permission to feel what you do - there is no right or wrong way.
Take care

Thanks, NJD - isn't it funny, it's so reassuring to know you're normal to feel bad.

So sorry you've had two in a row. I expect well-meaning people have been saying 'at least you've got your two already'? I got that, and it didn't help at all - if anything more upset now than when I thought I was losing DS, because now I know what it means and what I lost.

MUST try to resign myself to AF coming. MUST.

Due on today. Haven't tested yet, torn between really wanting to and not wanting to be disappointed.

WWYD?

Honestly I would test because I have no willpower, and just between you and me I have been testing this week as my period was unbelievably light. I knew I wasn't really but was wishing SO hard that it would be a BFP - it wasn't! Good luck whatever you do.

Damn you

Just gave in and tested w ebay cheapie. Was neg, but am STILL doing that pathetic justification thing: 'it's mid afternoon and I've been drinking lots of tea, don't know when cycle started again, blah blah blah'.

Waste of time. And certainly not using my CB digi yet, want to have reason to think I am before peeing away another seven quid!

Sorry

I mc'd in Nov at 6 weeks and feel as if a bit of the sadness came back with AF in Dec. A friend of mine mc'd at 21 weeks and she wanted to get pregnant again straightaway, she felt it was the only think that would help her get over the loss. I can see that. The problem is that with arrival of AF, the hope goes for that month and the anaesthetic wears off. I'm also finding it difficult. Sorry - doubt I have cheered you up any!

Patsy I am sorry for your loss and understand what you are going through, I am finding it really hard too.

Chipper - thanks. Have my fingers crossed for you and others on this thread. Making babies is such a blinkin' rocky road.

Stillfrazzled - any news from you?

Hi Stillfrazzled - am sending you lots of good luck vibes for your test tomorrow morning.

Patsy99 - thank you for your kind words.

Can't quite bring myself to believe it but SO hoping for BFP... will MN as soon as I can tomorrow.

And whatever the result, fingers crossed for all of us for good luck soon

Did CB Digi and it says Not pregnant.

Am really upset, wouldn't have got my hopes up if not for wretched faint line on ordinary CB test y'day.

Just tried again with a First Response - and it's positive!

Not getting my hopes up too much - long road ahead and all - but happy

HURRAH