PLEASE HELP! I've hit a brick wall. Not sure there is a thread for me anywhere and I want to talk to people like me.

[Triss]

During the last 8 months I've had a second trimester loss (20 weeks) and within six months of that, 2 miscarriages at 11/12 weeks. I've had lots of tests and the doctors have found there to be no rhyme or reason. It has been the very worst year of my life, an absolute roller coaster.
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After the first loss I NEEDED to be pregnant again and really wanted another baby. Within 2 months I was expecting again.(I forgot to mention something very important, I have 2 other children and i had healthy pregnancies with both of them.)Now it's been 8 months and we can't decide what to do. I'm not sure anymore. Not sure because I'm SO scared it will happen again and I will be left fat and unhappy and unable to get out of bed in the morning and care for my other beautiful children. Not sure because part of me thinks i should be happy with my lot. Not sure because I have my life back again and I'm finally feeling well again. Just not sure.
Should we try again? Hubby really wants a third. I don't know. Ask me at the school gate and I'm cooing over the new babies and of course I want another. Ask me half an hour later in the gym- I'm proud of my new physique and i don't think I do want to do it all again. What to do?

The other worrying thing is since my third loss I've completely lost interest in sex. Hubby is VERY understanding. At first it was a fear of falling pregnant, now I don't know what it is.
I know I must sound like a complete loon here but I can assure you I'm a normal-whatever that is.
Is ANYONE in the same boat? Has anyone else experienced similar and felt that they are in limbo?
Should we say sod it and let nature take it's course or stop now and make plans for our future with the two we have?

Never been in your situation but have friends who have miscarried much wanted second and third children.
Some have 'come to terms' with it and seem happy some have carried on trying. Not sure of your age but could you leave it a little longer and then think about it? Would counselling help? Hope someone on here can help anyway and didn't want your post to go unanswered. Hope 2010 is a better year for you.

Hi Triss,

I'm not in the same boat but it's apparent by just reading your story that you (and your husband) have been through some terrible shocks both physically, emotionally and probably spiritually as well. Maybe it would be worth dedicating a few months solely to looking after yourself and doing what makes you happy and what keeps you healthy- with conception as an afterthought. Take some time to put yourself back on an even emotional keel. You've not just been through one shock after all!!

People don't realise that stress can affect all areas of life from fertility and libido to sleep patterns, ability to communicate our needs properly and a whole host of things. Perhaps it would be a good thing to figure out HOW you can get the answers you need instead of jumping to trying to figure out WHAT the answers are. Make use of any support you have around you to re-establish yourself as number one and do things which bring you peace.

After all, some women do find that once the trauma of lost pregnancies has faded slightly and they are beginning to feel truly happy again- that it is then their bodies naturally discover the right time to conceive again.

Anyway good luck whatever you do hug xx

Not been in the same boat, but it sounds like, as others have said, you need to take at least a month or two to get things back on track, have a sex life without all the stress/worry of conceiving, etc etc, then see where you're at.

Thank you for replying Lady G and Loopy Lou. I am having counseling at the moment. The thing is I do feel better, Much, much better. Much stronger too. Which is why we think it's time to think again. Hubby is ten years older than me, I'm 33 and I think it's unfair to make him wait and wait. I'm doing a half Marathon on Sunday which is why all of this has surfaced. We decided 6 months ago that I would get fit and healthy again and get another race under my belt then decide. I was advised not to run during pregnancy by docs due to previous problems. So you see D day is nearly here and I thought it would be easy. Yup 6 months ago that seemed like a sensible thing. I'll race then we'll try one more time.
Anyway thanks for the thoughts and hugs and kind words.I'm ok, I just want to wake up with all the answers. If I could guarantee a healthy baby I would do it in a flash.

Hello hopefully. I think that's a great idea. We should try and get a sex life back first. Hey, that's a start.
We've talked about that and maybe avoiding the ovulation calendars too. A lot of pressure there.

See, I even talk like we are going to TTC?
I'm SO confused.