TTC no 2 and need some encouragement

[maxpower]

Hiya,

We've been TTC no 2 for over 18months now, but nothing. It took ages TTC our DD, so I wasn't under any illusions about it happening first time, but I'm really beginning to think it might never happen. I know I'm blessed with my DD and it's a priviledge to be parent to her, but I'd love her to have a DB or DS.

Did anyone else have trouble TTC no 2?

Hello Maxpower,

I'm in a similar position to you - have been TTC no 2 for 18 months now, and also nothing has happened.

This IS a shock to us as DD was a happy accident so we assumed we'd have no problems this time.

Have you been to the GP, or had any tests?

We went 6 months ago and results show DH has problems (low sperm motility) so he has been referred to an andrologist (I think I got that right) and has an appointment in a few weeks. I'm not sure how much they'll be able to do for him. They have already mentioned IVF, which we can't afford so is out of the question anyway

Hi Schwab, sorry to hear about your problems. If it's any comfort, my SIL and her husband had lots of problems conceiving which resulted in successful IVF. One of the problems they had was to do with either low sperm count or low motility (can't remember which) and after following the drs advice, it improved greatly.

No I haven't been to the GP as I decided long ago that if I couldn't get pregnant naturally, I wouldn't go down the assisted conception route. If things don't work out, DH and I have already agreed that adoption would be our way forwards.

However, I suppose I have a bit of a nagging concern that the ecs I had has caused some sort of problem. I was really anti having a csection, so it's probably just me venting my anger by blaming that but, you never know.

Hello,

I have a ds who is three and a half who was conceived first try. When he was about 18 months we decided to try and have another and...we are still trying. My mind changes all the time. Sometimes when DS is being difficult I wonder how I could ever cope with another but then other times I think that another would be lovely. I guess either option will be fine. I got very frustrated about it around eight months ago and went to the GP who took bloods and gave me a clean bill of health. Have just bought a Clearblue Fertility Monitor, although waiting for period to start before I can start using it.

Guess we will stop trying when DS starts secondary school! Fortunately am only 29 so have time on my side

Hi Sterny, I know exactly what you mean about changing your mind! Glad to hear you're well and persevering. It's so hard to stay feeling optimistic. Bizarrely, it took us ages ttc DD but I never got down about it. I suppose because I know we've done it once, I feel there's no excuse second time round.

I agree. I think also with number 2 you have a much more realistic picture of what you're letting yourself in for in terms of pregnancy and then looking after a baby. In many ways I am glad that I didn't concieve straight away as having a baby would be so much easier now that ds is more independent, potty trained, able to climb in and out of his car seat etc etc.

Are you doing ovulation testing Maxpower?

No I'm not. I never wanted to be someone whose life became entirely focused on falling pg. I don't want BD to turn into some stressful must do it now routine as I think in the long run, it would just put more pressure on us and we'd be constantly counting the days to see if I was pg or not. I have quite a demanding job and my DH has just embarked on a career change which involves shift work, so I don't want to add any further stress.

Hi- can I join you? thought it was time to dip my toes back in the TTC threads but don't fit into many of them so well done maxpower for starting one!

We have been TTC #2 for 6 months - DS1 2 in 10 days and took 2 years TTC to conceive him so I am prepared for the long haul but not sure my body will co-operate as I am 37 already (so don't really have much time esp as already diagnosed with low ovarian reserve in 2007 - but that was 2 months before BFP)

I did become very obsessed before so am hoping to maintain some sort of perspective this time remind me of that in 6 months time I did all the ov tests and temping, monitors, GP tests last time and actually it did help in that I was grateful to know more about my body. I have done a bit this time but feel like I know my cycle pretty well now so not much point, just need to find one good egg and get to it on time!

Hi ladies, here's my story:

Ds was conceived 3rd month of ttc, when I had just turned 36. In Jan 2007, me and dh decided to ttc dc2. I went to the GP after 18 months and was referred, but basically told that my age was the problem and that our only real chance was IVF, but it would have to be privately funded as we already had ds together. It's been a very frustrating 3 years! I got a positive pregnancy test in Nov 2008, but that was a chemical pregnancy, which was over 5 days later. I have spent a fortune on pregnancy tests, ovulation kits etc and became obsessed with having a sibling for ds. I would start doing hpts on about cd21 - ridiculous, I know.

My most recent hpt, on cd22 in December was a BFP! I am now 7 weeks pregnant at the grand old age of 40. I have got such a long way to go with this, it's very early days for me and my age is very much against me. Ds will be 5 when (if) this one arrives, which is a much larger gap than I would have chosen, but then how people manage to plan pregnancies to the last detail is completely beyond me.

I just wanted to share my positive (at the moment, anyway!) story. And I have already decided that if this pregnancy fails for whatever reason, I will not try again. I would definitely recommend the Toni Weschler book 'Taking charge of your fertility'.
Good luck, and try not to slap the next person who says to you 'just relax and it'll happen!'

Hi Seaside , you're more than welcome to join us! I'm pleased you defied the odds for your DS1 and good luck with no 2.

Mrs Mopple many many congratulations! It's lovely to hear a positive story I'm sure everyone will join me in keeping my fingers and toes crossed. Let us know how you get on x

Ok, I'm making an effort to feel positive, ready to start trying later this week. Wish me luck!

Hello,

Can I join you? I got pregnant with DD (now 2) after 16 months of TTC. I've got PCOS and irregular periods which doesn't help. We've now been TTC for a year with no joy so have gone down the private route (my PCT's rule is no NHS treatment if you've already got a DC so my NHS referral was turned down). Have seen consultant, had tests (not pleasant) and go back next week for results. Has cost about a grand but from first appointment to appointment next week including all the tests has only taken 2 1/2 weeks which is amazing compared to NHS tests first time round which took months. Hoping tests will show all is fine, one concern is that I may have scar tissue following ECS with DD....

Thanks max and also MrsMopple for your positive story - especially good for me an old bird! Good luck and sticky vibes for you. I think your age gap will be great- I am actually not really bothered about the age diffs (only my age LOL!) as I think there are pros and cons to all ways and I am sure it will be great now your DS is in school you will have time for the new one I know exactly what you mean about planning pregnancies! In fact I think that is what I am more jealous of actually, the fact that so many just seem to be able to think about it and it happens - after one month of trying - grrr - would have loved to have had that easy experience! And yes resisting the urge to slap those who say RELAX is very hard!

I have read TCOYF and it is very informative and enlightening - I guess I should get it out again, but I keep naively hoping I won't need to! Part of me feels like I have done all that to get DC1 and I don't want to do it again iyswim. Added to that most in my toddler groups/NCT are either pg or already have number 2 and all keep asking and then saying "oh it is always easier the 2nd time" etc etc. I am almost thinking of telling everyone we have decided to only have one as it would stop the questions and sympathy

Know what you mean about making the effort to feel positive max - we are mid cycle and in full swing [ahem] and I always get a bit jaded way too quickly. In fact some months I even think what on earth are we doing - we have a gorgeous DS is 99% angel and I am trying to go back to labour/no sleep/struggling to BF?? Then I hit the 2ww and get stupidly excited then alternate with being hopelessly depressed - talk about hormone psycho!

Hi reallygrumpy (like the name what tests have you had (sorry if too nosey!) I did all the usual bloods etc the first time as I actually had an IVF consult the month I got my BFP (classic) and was due to go on and have the HSG/lap and dye etc. PCOS does seem to be a real PITA for many women. Fingers crossed the results are good.

Shwab - I have read that you can get excellent results improving sperm quality with diet and some supplements - has your DH tried anything yet?

Hello again,

Really great to be able to share my experiences with other people who understand. I told a few close friends we were TTC about 2 years ago and they ask me if I'm pregnant constantly which drives me nuts.

I went through a phase of ovulation testing/temp testing but got totally disillusioned with it and also peed off by how expensive the whole malarkey is. I found it hard to just do it all the 'natural' way because I felt that when I had made the decision I wanted to be preg I just wanted to get on with it and thinking am I pregnant or aren't I. The most frustrating thing is that since I started my periods they have been like clockwork every 28 days until a year after ds was born when they have become massively irregular...speaking of which, if I had been on my old 28 day cycle my period is now 4 days late. I can't face doing a pregnancy test tbh and am feeling massively pre-menstrual so I'm sure I am not preg. About two years ago I would have been testing if I felt I was 15 minutes late coming on. Just shows how jaded I have become about the whole process!

Also, seaside72 I could have written your post myself, it rang so true!

Very difficult I agree with people constantly asking you when you're going to have another. I have bitten people's heads off recently and said that we are only going to have one. Then you get all the 'oh that's a shame', 'only children are lonely' bla bla bla.

Nice to hear from people in the same boat. I feel that everyone I know is on sprog number 2, 3, 4 etc and clearly massively fertile!

It seems that as soon as you start ttc, everyone you know is pg! Amongst my close friends and family, 4 new baby's were born in the space of 6 months in 2009 and I know of at least another 3 acquaintances who had babies. I knew it was really beginning to bother me when I found out about some else who's expecting no 2 a couple of weeks ago. I actually felt as if someone had punched me in the stomach. Not helped by the fact that IMO, this couple are hardly model parents. It just seemed so unfair.

Oh, and all the questions about having more children drive me mad. Mind you, I'm the kind of person who just generally thinks it's rude to ask people about their plans to have children or not. (obviously mumsnet doesn't count )

Anyway, I'm determined not to mope and feel sorry for myself.

Hi there - I'm in the same boat, can I join in?!

It took over 3 years to conceive DS (started TTC in April 2005, aged 32, finally gave birth Feb 2009, aged 36!

By the time I got that BFP I was completely loopy - I was peeing on several sticks a day some days, I went part-time at work in case stress was to blame, I cut out booze and caffeine, took Robitussin, baby aspirin and had acupuncture.

None of that worked - what worked was the laparoscopy combined with Clomid.

Anway - given my age, and how long it took to conceive #1, I've started TTC again, in September (but only stopped breastfeeding in December) - and instead of being all chilled out and que sera sera about it, I've gone straight to end stage insanity without passing go.

I'm on day 23 of a probably 29 day cycle, and I've run out of HPTs...annoyed, even though it's too early to test anyway!

Anyway - good luck everyone!

Hi sweetsherry welcome aboard!

Massively irritated - all ready to start BD again today, so I've come down with a cold and feel rotten. Sometimes it just feels like everything is against you.....!

It's too early for me to panic yet - but I am mentally psyching myself up for the medium if not the long haul again.

Not fair!

Hi Maxpower,

Just to update you - I had a viability scan on Friday at 7 + 4 and had a bit of a shock to see not one but two heartbeats in there! So a milestone passed, but my goodness my head's all over the place!

OMG MrsMopple - that's pretty momentous but great news! I guess babies are like buses - you wait ages for one then two come along at once!

I am on the torturous 2ww when even though I know I am not pg I will keep a glimmer of hope by double bluffing myself until the bitter end - gahhh!

OMG MrsMopple double congratulations!!!

Hope everything looked ok. Wow, that's something to get your head round! Keep me posted as to how you're doing.

Fingers crossed seaside72

x

Hi ladies, how's everyone doing?

For a slightly inexplicable reason I've convinced myself it's worked this month. Got another week to wait to find out. Trying to remain realistic (but hopeful all the same)