***** All aboard the August Luxury Coach! *****

[PollyPoo]

Seeing as we were running out of space on the August bus, and there aren't that many of us left, I've reserved us this rather luxurious coach for the duration. I thought we might as well travel the last bit together in style! I have arranged a selection of chocolate and icecream at the back, along with some bottles of raspberry absolut vodka. Tuck in!

BFN :-(

On this month I'm not really sure when I ovulated as wasn't so obvious for some reason, that's why I was a bit more laid back. Sorry that's not very helpful is it, if it's any good, the due date calculator thingy reckons I conceived 29th Nov,makes me 4wks 4 days.

I used Fr both days

I keep thinking the old hag is about to show up but hasn't yet.
Tested yesterday and still BFN so I think it is just a waiting game now.
Will test again on Friday if she still hasn't appeared.

Sorry Yellowmummy - maybe it is too early to test. Fingers crossed.

I am still spotting on and off but its redder now, rather than pink, so flood gates will probably open whilst I am at work tonight... fucking brilliant timing as usual! Grrrr...

Got EVERYTHING crossed for you Louja, my hopes for this month are now pinned on you!

No pressure Polly. Well no spotting either and that seems a bit odd in a good way.

Sorry Louja didn't mean to add pressure! Just want to live vicariously if I'm not getting a xmas baby belly! [sgrin]

Can't decide whether to do cleaning up while Boo is asleep, and then I go to Bath tomorrow for lunch with friends. Or shall I go to bed and sulk cos of the pink in my pants? Decisions decisions....

I am jumping off the bus as spotting as now begun.

Noooooooooooo [ssad]

Oh lou

Will stalk look out for you on the next bus. Look after yourself. x

That's it no more buses for me. I think this is it finally.

Have booked myself a doctors appointment for next Weds. Not sure if I should lie and tell them I have been trying for a year or just go and sob and wail at the poor doctor to say I can't cope and its making me really ill. What do you all think?

I think after all this am going to block mumsnet as although I think it has really helped in some ways I am not convinced. Might change my mind tomorrow but that is how I feel today. Sorry to offload but thought I was in with a chance this month and its all fallen apart.

Oh lou the amount of times I have written your words, take as much time as you need. I wanted to leave as it was tearing me apart watching all the BFP's although I was always truly happy for everyone obviously. It eats away at you inside and takes over your life.

Perhaps you can pop in and out, I use to read and not post, then eventually i kept coming back to post, little by little. If you want to chat my email is

l c t w a l t e r s at sky dot com

without all the spaces.

Be gentle on yourself.

Its just so.......

POAS today as no signs at all of AF, no pain or spotting but did 2 and both negative just waiting for the inevitable

Sorry to Loujalou

oh lou I really feel for you... I know how you feel, it's crap.

Understand the "run away" bit too; I felt like that last week...

MN is very useful sometimes, but also often an unwelcome source of info and comparison that is hard to take.

I originally said when we decded to try for #2 that I wanted to be pregnant by Christmas. Falling first month in May was brilliant. Losing that baby at the end of August was very sad. My next milestone is hoping to be pregnant by end Feb which would have been baby due date. WHO KNOWS? But I have to keep positive... we ALL do

Well the spotting has stopped and the red tidal wave is upon me.

I know how you feel Louja. I just cried all the way home from work (as predicted the witch arrived in the middle of my shift). I don't even want to do the clomid next year, I feel like I just can't take another month of all this hurt. Mumsnet is sometimes great, but sometimes acts like a microscope and magnifies everything I am feeling a hundred times.

I am absolutely pig sick of being on this rollercoaster; of my whole life being on hold while we ttc, of being in tears for days every month, of feeling so bloody guilty that my DD may be missing out because my attention is so focused on ttc. I feel utterly wretched. Especially when everyone else around me in RL is falling pregnant, some of them in the first month. I'm not sure I can do this anymore but I'm not sure how to give up either. I thought I had this month - we were supposed to be having a month off. That was so much harder than I thought!

Lou do both - cry AND say you've been trying a year, it will get the ball rolling. And when you get your blood results if you want to get in touch my email is

hanson dot rach at gmail dot com

Sending you a very big unmumsnetty hug, and a triple vodka. Mail me anytime. x

Thanks - its horrid but I suppose I have to carry on. It took one of my friends 16 months to conceive her first and it was only when she when for her first appointment at the clinic that she was pregnant. If there is something wrong then I would rather they looked at it sooner rather than later so I am going to lie and say I have been trying for a year and so like a banshee.

I too feel guilty about my son. I am totally biased but he is the most wonderful little boy despite having me for a mother, in tears cos I don't know what to do. People who say you should just relax in my opinion should be shot or put through some horrid torture regime. As Polly said how do you relax when all you can think about is TTC. Am going to go and see a hypnotherapist, was supposed to go on Friday but have to work so am going to make a new appointment.

I will probably be back in a week or so but maybe some time out will be a good thing.

Lia you look after yourself and fingers crossed this one goes to plan.

Polly might see you later in the month. If not I will be in touch.

Sending you all a hug and some vodka / non-alcoholic cocktails for Lia.

I'm off to join the September bus today, so good luck to all that are left, I hope you get your BFP!

Tuesdays stats

ButIDid TTC#3 cycle2(after mc) UCL28 CD66
mrsZaC TTC#1 Cycle1 UCL? CD49
manchestermummy TTC #2 Cycle5 UCL? CD?
Lucylev TTC#1 Cycle4 UCL 28-30 CD41
whatkatydidnext TTC? cycle 1, UCL 27 CD36
JumbleQueen TTC#1 cycnot that I can't count!le3 UCL26 CD36
heffieanna TTC#1 Cycle 6 UCL 30-34 CD37
Sherida TTC#2 cycle 2 UCL28 CD33
UmBungo TTC#2 cycle 18 UCL 31-38 CD32
stuffedmk TTC#2 cycle 2 UCL 27 CD31
PoppyIsApain TTC#2 Cycle 2 UCL 28 CD29
yellowmum84 TTC#2 Cycle3 (after mc) UCL30 CD28
InTheMidnightGarden TTC#1 Cycle4 UCL29 CD27
TheAythoress TTC#1 Cycle3 UCL? CD26
Pat42 TTC#2 Cycle7 UCL 24-28, CD26

GRADUATES

Chulita BFP 17 Nov
QueenMercury BFP 17 Nov
kaylo BFP 17 Nov
JamieJay BFP 22 Nov
Shirazz BFP 28 Nov
Mumm369 BFP 28 Nov
SparklyAlice BPF 3 Dec
BigMuther BFP 3 Dec
Bewler BFP 3 Dec
HighburyGirl 3 Dec
plantaseed 4 Dec
floweryboots 5 Dec
vix206 8 Dec
lovesaruby 10 Dec
liaghen 10 Dec
growingbump2 14 Dec

Jollster fingers crossed for you too.

Thank you all for your kind words, advice and letting me rant get my feelings out. I have made a baby before so I suppose that helps keep me going. Am sure I will be back - am too nosy too keep away for good.

Fingers crossed there are still some more BFPs to come.

Oh sorry polly, I think I will be hopping buses tomorrow so grab me a seat at the back!

Good luck with the doc Louja, I hope you get a good doctor. Don't worry about the ranting, it's what we are for!

I am sorry for everyone else who is on here for the long term, but I am oddly relieved to see that others spend days every month in tears, and that it is not just me. Every time I am having a bad day and beating myself up about my stupidness or total lack of self confidence, my arguments always end in "and I can't even make another baby" and then promptly dissolve into tears!

Thanks UmBongo. In the nicest possible way I hope not to see you on the Sept bus!

Hi all, just to let you know i got my BFP today.
I used a cheapie and it was too crap so got a first response from boots and with a very diluted wee (from tea) i got a very clear positive.
Thank you to all who have advised and helped me.
Good luck to everyone else left to test

wow!!! congrats poppyisagain - what a lovely christmas present!

Hi just thought i would do my last update for the august luxury coach.

ButIDid TTC#3 cycle2(after mc) UCL28 CD67
mrsZaC TTC#1 Cycle1 UCL? CD50
manchestermummy TTC #2 Cycle5 UCL? CD?
Lucylev TTC#1 Cycle4 UCL 28-30 CD42
whatkatydidnext TTC? cycle 1, UCL 27 CD37
JumbleQueen TTC#1 cycnot that I can't count!le3 UCL26 CD37
heffieanna TTC#1 Cycle 6 UCL 30-34 CD38
Sherida TTC#2 cycle 2 UCL28 CD34
UmBungo TTC#2 cycle 18 UCL 31-38 CD33
stuffedmk TTC#2 cycle 2 UCL 27 CD32
yellowmum84 TTC#2 Cycle3 (after mc) UCL30 CD29
InTheMidnightGarden TTC#1 Cycle4 UCL29 CD28
TheAythoress TTC#1 Cycle3 UCL? CD27
Pat42 TTC#2 Cycle7 UCL 24-28, CD27

GRADUATES

Chulita BFP 17 Nov
QueenMercury BFP 17 Nov
kaylo BFP 17 Nov
JamieJay BFP 22 Nov
Shirazz BFP 28 Nov
Mumm369 BFP 28 Nov
SparklyAlice BPF 3 Dec
BigMuther BFP 3 Dec
Bewler BFP 3 Dec
HighburyGirl 3 Dec
plantaseed 4 Dec
floweryboots 5 Dec
vix206 8 Dec
lovesaruby 10 Dec
liaghen 10 Dec
growingbump2 14 Dec
PoppyIsApain 18 Dec

Well done Poppy, I'm really pleased for you!

poppyisapain what happened with the cheapy test? was it an internet one?