Trying for a 3rd - emotional & financial madness?

[BubbaAndBump]

We have 2 DDs (2.4 & 10m) and are considering TTC for our 3rd. Financial side of things isn't too rosy (but that's for another thread, another time) but we're surviving.

I need to hear from those of you who've stopped at 2 (but had considered a 3rd), and those of you who've gone ahead and got a 3rd (or 4th, or 5th??!) and tell me it's everything you hoped it would be (or otherwise )

Also: how much more can having a 3rd child cost you financially - other than reduced income which may not be a factor anyway if I choose to be a SAHM with the two DDs I have already?

Congratulations lumpa (you have to explain your nickname!! ) Sure it is more fear of the unknown than anything else. Nosey as I am, can I ask what was your and DH's biggest reason not to try initially?

I think that DH was mainly concerned about the financial side of things and how it would impact us......he is 40 next year and he had a bee in his bonnet about having to retire later etc!!! I think these concerns were highlighted with all the doom and gloom of the credit crunch. Then the other big thing was the initial 6 months/lack of sleep phase...niether or us is very good with not getting our sleep and the thought of having to go through it all again was also a bit off putting....but to put it all in perspective, that phase passes by so quickly, and (as I pointed out to DH) our other boys are up at the crack of dawn anyway as they are early risers, so its not like we get to sleep in at the moment!!! Still pretty scared about the whole thing though!!!! (nickname is what my brother used to call me when I was a baby!)

Thanks lumpasmelly and congrats again (very jealous!)

DC3 was the best thing for us. Completely changed the dynamic of the family (which was good anyway) - made it easier for DC1 to go off and do his own thing, or for me to baby DC3 or to have time with DC2 while DC1&3 play, or to have 1:1 when DC1 in bed.

I have 3 dcs ds1 (7) ds2 (5) and dd who is just 7 months.

DH was resistant initially to having a 3rd mainly for the practical reasons already discussed. Then one night we had a heartfelt discussion about it and I told him that our family just didn't feel complete to me, I still had a lot of love to give and I didn't just want another 'baby', I wanted another child to complete our family. I also pointed out that at my age, we didn't have the luxury of time on our side and if we were going to have another it had to be then. He then fessed up that he would really love another but was worried about the cost, car etc and it was holding him back.

We talked for a long time before deciding to go ahead, try and see what happened - I conceived that month!

We have never been flush, but we get by. Was a bit of a shock when I found out I was having a girl, as I was hoping to use a lot of the dss clothes etc but to be honest I have done that anyway as their sleepsuits etc were all white and I team their little dungarees with pretty tops for dd. I have also bought most of her clothes of ebay (most of which were bnwt) at very little cost. I have only bought her two toys since she was born as she has all her brothers old baby toys.

We did have to upgrade our little Toyota coupe for a second hand Citroen Picasso though.

It is true that a lot of visitor attractions etc tend to charge for families as 4 people rather than five and obviously as she grows food bills and treats for the dcs will be more expensive, but we will just have to make sure that we make the most of the days out and treats we can afford.

AND dd is a treasure, she has slotted right in, her brothers both adore her and she is absolutely in love with the pair of them. Personally, I found it easier going from 2 to 3 than from 1 to 2, but I guess it was easier for me, as the boys are at school all day during term time, so I had plenty of time alone with dd in the early days. That said, the summer holidays haven't proved a problem either, although I will admit to being nervous beforehand about coping with all three every day for six weeks while dh was at work.

I think, at the end of the day, life is what you make it. As someone else said (sorry I've forgotten who it was) if the love is there the rest will come.

My family was on a tight budget when I was growing up, in fact we were considerably poorer than all of my friends families. It never bothered me for a second at the time and the things I remember most fondly from growing up are the things that cost nothing at all like playing with my sisters, going on a picnic, cuddling/reading/baking with Mum etc

Sorry - all a bit rambly really, but hope it helps.

Thank you all, esp. moosemam, hormones flying made me well up reading yours. All I need to do now is convince DH to go for it before the clock stops ticking at all!

I have 3 and ttc again!

To be honest when you already have 2 number 3 isn't any more of a financial strain. You can still manage with a 5 seater car etc.

Babies can cost as little or as much as you want them too to be honest. As a third time mum you will know what the baby essentials are and which are a total waste of money!

Good luck in whatever you decide.xxx

Good luck BubbaandBump.

I always think that before we had dd we were 2+2 - sort of a square shaped family, but now we are 5 we have become a circle, much better shape for hugs.

(If I had make-up on, you'd be making it run!)

We're dithering, but I think have come down on the side of 'no'. If dh was more gung-ho for the idea we would go ahead, but he has reservations and I don't want to be ressuring him it'll be all wonderful and fine, when I want that reassurance myself.

Having dcs 1 & 2 was so automatic, but with no 3 it doesn't feel like that, although, unlike with the other 2, we've already decided names for the not-to-be 3rd! We're just about to get to the stage of being financially comfortable again but then we managed before and would manage again. We have all the things we need for the 3rd, although a car upgrade would be great, we'd would cope with the existing ones. 3 would complete the family but might also completely wear us out!

I just don't want regrets either way.

Are his ditherings financial or otherwise?

Ooh, we are dithering too!!!

My heart says yes, my brain says no

My reservations are that financially I feel I ought to go back to work in the next 6 months or so (DC2 is 16 months)and another pregnancy sort of scuppers that. I'm also getting on age wise and am worried I might be tempting fate health wise with the baby, and the possible impact of that on current family. A case of what we have is lovely and not wanting to be greedy or rock the boat. Does that make sense?

Also, DH not in a good place right now and don't want him to make a decision without having the space to think about it.

Feeling very broody reading this thread!

Makes perfect sense MarmMummy, but the way I see it is we will make adjustments (both emotional and financial) if needs must.

How old are you (nosey, sorry!)?

Going to be 39 later this year........

Am at whoever said they were 24!!!!

I was 38 when dd was born, 39 when she was 5 months old and had made the decision that I wouldn't have any more after 39, so just in the nick of time for me really.

Not me (24 that is) - 35 in a couple of months. Tick, tick, tick

Good Q you asked - for dh the reasons are partly financial but he worries more about the emotional and physical impact - just changing how it is now I suppose. But also like MarmMummy, are we tempting fate now we're older? We know family and friends where the 3rd child has had problems and this really concerns dh. But the thought of another is also very tempting.

The risks aren't that high www.babycentre.co.uk/preconception/beforeyoubegin/risksafter35expert/ although they are obviously increased

ooh, marmummy, you sound just like me (except a whole year younger ). I am SO broody for a third... but will be 40 next year (gulp)... have had dreadful PND with DDs 1 and 2, also DH is disabled and I have just gone back to work to a NEW job. I must be mad to be even contemplating it - but I. am. just. so. broody.

Somebody slap me!

moosemama I am very much with you on the wanting another child (person) for the family, not just a baby. Our family just doesn't seem complete. I've always wanted three - and so has DH - but that was before he was diagnosed, and before I had PND etc etc...

taps verso

This thread has made me feel very broody.

Like you all we are considering number 3. We had agreed to have 3 before we had children and now it seems wrong somehow if we dont.

We do have 2 boys though so I am sure that plays a part. DH would really want a girl though and whilst I would as well I would also be very happy to have another boy and that would be our lot.

Like everyone else, money is a big issue for us, but my mum always says if you waited till you had the money you would never have kids. I am also going back to studying in Sept so timing wouldnt be great, but by the time I finish studying I will be 35ish and DS1 will be 8 and I am not sure I would want to start again then. we have a lot of family help, but i think family would find it harder to help out when we have 3 as opposed to 2 children.

Originally we had planned to TTC in October with a view that if all went well to be due at the beginning of summer, I am doign a prep course this year) and then start my degree next year which is in the evenings so would still be home all day with DC3. Just not sure but do feel like we will miss out if we dont have our 3rd child.

Welcome! Let us know how it goes mixedmama!

In view of the financial worries, I've just invested in some cloth nappies, so now I have to try for a third so I can fully justify them

Bubba the PND is statistically more likely to occur as I've had it twice - but I guess the benefit of experience is that I could get treatment earlier.

DH is not averse to the idea of three . We both wanted three originally - but just have to remind ourselves to be sensible because of money and his illness and my loopiness in the face of disrupted sleep. But they're just sooooooooooo lovely!

Sigh.

Also have to factor in two miscarriages pre-DD2. Not sure how I'd cope with going through that again, and I'm no spring chicken... but, but, but!

lol @ cloth nappies logic. Mine is - do we sell things on Ebay now DD2 is growing out of them... or put them up in the loft "in case"? (Interesting, isn't it, that all my maternity clothes are safely stashed away up there .)

My dd2 (no3) has tbh put a big financial strain on us.
The childcare costs and implications meant i gave up work so money has been tight.
ALso i have always felt that she has had to fit into our family with all the tooing and froing that school / pre school / activities for older dc's has entailed.

However wouldn't be without her , love having 3 and now my dc2 has started school i love having that time with dc3.

I don't think the longing goes away and tbh you cut your cloth accordingly.

Oh and the fact all of us love and indulge her is good too!!

I have 3dc, ds1 is 5, dd is 4 and ds2 is 17months. I have to say that despite ds2 being a VERY easy baby, and with cloth nappies etc the cost has so far not been much more with having him, other than having to buy a bigger car, but - there are some down sides. Trying to get 2 out for school and look after a small baby is not easy, but taking three children swimming by myself is extremely hard.

Watching three of them in the playground is much harder than watching two. I find times that I used to really enjoy swimming, going to the park etc with just two children, but it is not as enjoyable with three. looking three different directions at three moving children.... So it means that I am doing less, as I now wait for dh to take one of the children for me, so that I can go out with the other two.

Also playing together: with two they played beautifully together, but now with three there are disputes as to who plays with who. There does not seem to be a solution for this at the moment (although ttc#4 is the best option that I can see, so that at least they can pair off together to play). In this house it really does seem that two's company and three's a crowd.

But I love dc3 so much, I am enjoying him more than I enjoyed the others as baby's because I am more relaxed about things with him. He is in danger of being spoilt as he is so cute. (another reason for ttc#4!!!!)

Anyway. I think the need for more children never goes away, but it is up to each couple to decided whether they have the time and space to stretch to another baby.