How would you feel about your dp if this was you

[lostitoday]

Hi
I was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure last October.
I was told that I still have some ovarian function but it can happen whenever and there is no telling when.
My periods are all over the place and sometimes I can go months without any.
I have been told that my best option now is to go for IVF in the quickest time possible.
I am 38 years of age I know that things are unlikely to happen naturally despite the fact that my gyno last october told me that I still have a chance naturally.
The problem now is my age and not having a clue when I am likely to ovulate.
I would like to go ahead and get things moving I cannot face the thought of not having another dc my problem is my dp he doesn,t think its a problem if we don,t have any more dc's I have one already.
I have spoken to him until I am blue in the face about how badly this is affecting me I am so depressed about it.
He will not go through the ivf thing with me refuses to come to any appointments with me and I have told him that I can,t go ahead with this without him but he refuses.
I am so heartbroken at the thought of having no more dc's that I have had to seek counselling and I am also on antidepressents.
I feel so resentful towards my dp that I don,t feel that I can stay with him.
Please how would you feel if you was in my situation.
I have told him that this is a real problem to me and I will scream if he says once more that thats because I am letting it be.

As things are I am still trying naturally but I am working blind on this.
It feels like a real nightmare and I am getting more and more depressed about things.
Perhaps I am selfish but I so much want another child.

That sounds really tough

You say you have talked to him - have you asked him why he is refusing and why is he acting how he is? Can you somehow spell out the situation minus the emotion?

Do you think something like relate would help you both to say how you feel?

You are not being selfish

I am sorry I cant say anything more helpful but didnt want to not respond

Ok... how would I feel... probably a bit frustrated at him not being able to understand why I am feeling down.

But I also think that your DP is trying to help by trying to take notice that things will be ok even if you don't have more children naturally.

As far as I'm aware going through IVF is a hormonal rollercoaster that it is not for the faint hearted. If you are already feeling depressed this may make the things worse.

So in a nutshell, he may be thinking about your welfare, but even if he is not, and it is only that he is not be willing to get into the IVF related issues... how would you feel if you didn't want to go through IVF and your husband was pressuring you into it?

lostittoday - we TTC for about a year and then my DW was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I honestly believed she would die, had an ovary removed, and she was scheduled to have a full hysterectomy after a round of failed chemotherapy. I rang the consultant after spending 48 hours on the internet and asked for a second opinion. They cancelled the operation and they did go with another round of chemo. DW lived and after IVF we eventually conceived naturally and DS1 was born.

IVF was incredibly stressful and TBH after the hell of what we had been through we would have happily settled for DS1.

You have a child already and I think DP is trying to spare you both a lot of heartache. Imagine how you will feel if IVF does not work. It is not bound to work and the pressure of it may well make your depression even worse.

Lostit - I really feel for you here. I'm in a similar situation, I want another child, but DP had a vasectomy (at my request when I was suffering from severe depression which I am now recovered from)
I have asked him to go to the GP to see if he can get a reversal, but he is refusing to entertain the idea. In my more desperate moments I have considered leaving him or having an affair just so that I can have another child, so you arent alone in feeling so strongly, and I dont think you are being selfish, as when you do want a child, its like a biological compulsion.

I'd feel that, for one reason or another, he doesn't want any more children, so I'd need to make a decision based on that and either find a way to find peace with it all or leave.

The counselling is a great idea, btw, no matter how it all shakes out.