I really want to TTC number 2, but scared about the whole childbirth and newborn thing

[likessleep]

We have a beautiful 18 month DS, who is a lovely little boy and we love him to bits.

After a lovely pregnancy, I had a 30 hour labour and he was born with jaundice/infections/lost weight etc etc and he spent a few days in SCBU and we were in hospital for 9 days all in. He then had colic for 12 weeks and reflux until he was 9 months old and we had major problems with breastfeeding (although managed it in the end). To be honest, I didn't particularly enjoy his newborn stage and found it all quite stressful. I am much more comfortable and relaxed as a mummy of a toddler.

We are planning on trying for another soon, but I am soooooo worried about childbirth this time around. The thought of possibly being in a similar situation just makes me want to cry and brings back horrible memories. BUT, we both really want another baby and I am feeling so broody now, which I never thought I would.

I just wondered if anyone else had been in a similar situation and how you managed to keep control of the fear.

Apologies for a bit of a self-indulgent thread. Thanks for reading this far.

Everyone I know who's had 2 or more says that labour gets easier and shorter with each one. So just because you had a tough time with the first, doesn't mean you will have the same again- it should be a lot quicker and easier next time.

I also hear that you are much more relaxed and confident with #2, so things like reflux, colic, etc are easier to deal with.

I think the thing to remember is that when it was your first, you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, so those first few weeks can feel like lifetimes. But with #2, I'm sure you will find that because you know that the early days don't last that long, you will see your way through them much more easily.

I have 1 DD, and TTC number 2 now, so I am no authority on having 2, like you I have worries about it, but I didnt want your post to go unanswered and hopefully someone with 2 or 3 or 10 will tell us it is easy!!

Oh, one more thing, I used hypnotherapy with my DD and labour was 4 hours with nothing but gas, so maybe if you approach it differently this time it will make a difference. Not sure if you had complications or just a v long and uncomfortable time, but it might help

Thank you so much for posting, it's reassuring and there are some fab and positive ideas in there I haven't considered.

Bobblebuddy - I really hope next time will be quicker and easier. I ended up with an epidural and my legs in stirrups and ventouse (which I really didn't want), as my waters hadn't broken fully, as we thought they had, which is why DS was unable to progress down. I hadn't considered hypnotherapy and it is something I will look into, definitely!

Loopymumsy - I'd love the idea of an independent midwife and I will look into it, but I bet they cost a fortune? I'll also look into a sling, a good idea. I know I need to face into my fears. DH says to me "just look what he's like now, a lovely healthy little boy", but I do find it upsetting to think back to the birth and his first couple of weeks.

I'm going to google your suggestions to find out more. Thank you so much for posting and spending the time