Is it wrong to be terrified?

[JasHook]

Hi.

My first time posting here, so hello. I've been reading for a while but haven't got the hang of all the acronyms yet

I'm 30 and it's taken me 5 years to even get to the point of thinking of trying to have a baby.

Is it weird or wrong to be that scared of something so obviously natural?

Hi, what exactly are u terrified of? Ttc,pregnancy or acyually raising them?
If your anything like me it will b all of the above!! What you are feeling is completely natural.
I have 2 dc and have had 3 mc, and each time I have had a bfp in my hand I have been crippled with fear!
All I can say that you get through it, you take it one step at a time and you get through it!
It sounds to me like you have put a lot of thought into hving children.
So I'm sure u will make a fab parent!
All the best!! X

P.s. Sorry for the shocking spelling! It's been a long day!

Hi, welcome to (posting on) mn!

What are you terrified of exactly, the pregnancy, the birth, or just being a parent? All are natural but it's not weird or wrong to be worried beforehand. Are you worried you'll never feel ready, or broody? (I'm assuming you aren't pregnant yet)

Teh one thing I will say is that your body does a lot of the stuff for you - when you become pregnant you're usually flooded with hormones that make you feel more maternal and able to cope with all that pregnancy and motherhood throws at you.

Thanks for replying shyla01 and fedup1981. You've made me feel a bit more secure already!

I'm actually scared of the whole process and of not being able to be a "good mum" at the end of it - whatever that is...

It's a huge decision and it's not like buying a dress you can return if you decide it's not right for you. I'm scared I would end up resenting my children.

It is a huge decision but it's one 99% of parents never regret, even when the kids are being little monsters!

Becoming a parent is finding the true love of your life, stronger and deeper than the love for any man (sorry, men) in fact it's like the beginning of the relationship where you're in love and fascinated by them, except it doesn't wear off like it does with a man. Many mothers report that when they meet their babies it's a feeling of recognition.

Pregnancy isn't so bad, it's tiring and tedious, and sometimes the beginning is worse than the end, but for most people it's not too bad. Labour is hard undignified work but by the time you get there you'll be so cheesed off with being pregnant that you'll welcome it! Then you have your baby - a gorgeous helpless little bundle who smells amazing and snuggles into you like you are home and it's all worth it.

And all you can do is your best anyway, there aren't just "good mums" and "bad mums" because we all have days when we do things well and feel fulfilled, and days where it all goes tits up and we are shouty and stressed. But you cope, and you don't regret them, honestly! You'll never want to take them back to the shop.

Wow Fedup you put it really well. That's exactly how I feel. I only wish I'd done it earlier and had time to have a dozen!

Thankyou again Fedup, that's a really encouraging thing to hear.

And Neeko, I don't think I could go to a dozen but at least I'm not quite as scared about having one or two!

Hmm...time for a TTC for me perhaps?

jas - I never planned on having children, but I got pg and DP and I just went with it. During my pregnancy I was incredibly nervouse about the birth and being a mum. I think it's normal. I had such a hideous pregnancy I was worried I'd resent the baby. Well he's now 8 months old, and an absolute gem. I can only second what others have said about the depths of the love you feel. SOmetimes it totally overwhelms me, and I get all teared up. And it sounds like you're putting a lot of thought into it, so good luck. It's hard work, but it's worth it!

Hi Jas - I'm petrified too! - though 5 months into ttc am marginally less so. Have a look at the Mid Thirties First Time TTC thread to see more examples of terrified first-timers! - we're all a bit flakey over there!

JasHook - welcome to MN.

Do remember to talk to DH/DP about your fears. It is a joint decision and he will have a huge part to play before during and after. Problem shared is a problem halved.

There is nothing can prepare you for having a baby really but being in the adventure (*belgianbun good desription) together is really important.

My pregnancy was unplanned and I didn't know if I'd take to motherhood!

My mum said it wasn't a problem if ~I didn't as she would look after dd for me if I didn't like beign a mum ...this took a weight off my mind during pregnancy!!!

Needless to say, everything fedup said is true - my dd is the true love of my life!!!

welcome jasHook - I think a lot of Mums will relate to the excited but terrified feelings. I remember it being like a rollercoaster when ttc and then even more so when you first get your BFP. I think it must be totally normal!

I thought I'd point you over to the "First time Mums expecting spring babies" thread here. We all joined up last august time and you will read how scared we all were. By now the majority of us have had our babies and we are loving being Mums!

Perhaps when you get your BFP you might like to start a similar thread and could chat to other first time Mums. You will be surprised to find they are probably as scared as you are.

Good Luck with TTC - being a Mum is brill My 7 week old is laid on her mat cooing and smiling to herself right now!

Wow. Everybody here is really welcoming and friendly thankyou so much for all your replies.

EvenBetaDad - I really agree. It's been talking to my DH that's got me through 5 years of indecision! He's been great, it's been me and my paranoia that's kept us back from TTC.

It's also wonderful to hear from you mums (Podrick, AnnVan) who perhaps didn't plan or expect to be mums and to know that you are besotted with your little ones anyway.