new baby - how soon

[squib]

After 2 years trying and 2 miscarriages I now have my much wanted first child dd1. She is only 10 weeks old but already I am thinking about providing her with a brother or sister. Does anyone have any advice about how soon you can safely try for another baby/how long ideally you should wait in order that you be in the best physical and mental state to give the new baby the best start.
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No real experience here. But my Mum conceived me when my sister was 6 months old. She really regretted it coz she always felt she didn't really enjoy my sister as a baby coz she was suddenly thrown into making plans for a newborn again. Even though there is only 15 ths between us we have NEVER got along, even as very young children. We still don't really talk.
I can remember feeling like that after ds was born. I really wanted another one soon. By the time he was teething I realises that NO WAY could I have coped with another so soon. However, I was suffering from PND as well which made things seem so much harder.

Ooops! I really didn't start out to sound so negative!!! What I s'pose I'm trying to say is it's nice to have your first child exclusively for while and to give them all the attention. IMO for what it's worth.

im not sure! sorry u went threw all the tuff times with miscarriages and my love and support is with u! im due in jan im 16 and have a fiance but v happy im pregnant xx

Our DS will be 22 months when his wee brother arrives - so two under the age of 2. Obviously it will be hard for a while, but then aren't all babies initially hard work, however we certainly feel that we have got to know DS, have had many months of undisturbed nights and generally feel that we are on top of the massive changes that parenthood has brought to our lives.

I did miscarry about three months before DS2 was conceived and do feel retrospectively that I wasn't actually ready. Those extra few months have been a godsend.

A friend told me it takes 7 years for your body to recover from giving birth. That doesn't obviously mean you can't have children until this time has passed but I thought that was an interesting tidbit of info.

I have been trying since ds was born to have another as I want to get it out of the way. That sounds awful but I'm no spring chicken and now that I have started I want to finish. I don't know if it makes any difference in terms of having them close together or far apart and believe that your body will actually decide for you whether it is ready to fall pregnant again. Hope that's not too airey fairey for you but I believe that is why I haven't conceived yet because my body is saying it isn't the right time. I'm still trying to figure out why it isn't the right time but hey ho.

Can anyone say if it is a hormone that is released when we actually have the baby that makes us all want to have more straight away. I don't know if it is applicable to everyone out there but loads of people I know all say they felt the same way I did which was literally within minutes of having seen him I was thinking about the next one.

Trust in your body to know when you should or shouldn't be falling pregnant but if you still feel this way in a few months (after the initial glow wears off) then a little bit of encouragement to your body won't hurt either.

Congratulations by the way.

I concieved my second when DS was only 10 months.It was a bit of a surprise but I was thinking about trying again. I remember going through a tough patch when DD was about 4 months old. Everything seemed so hard which of course it was. DS is now 4.5 and DD is 3. Sometimes they fight like cat and dog but most of the time they get on really well and I'm glad they are so close. Now expecting no. 3.

I think the only thing I regretted about having them so close was that DS didn't really get to enjoy the pg and new baby as he was too little. This time round they are both old enough and it adds a whole new dimension to it all.

There will be people who thin having them close is great and people who think it was awful. If you do there will be times when you are glad and times when it seems too hard. But I suspect most mothers feel like that at some point.

There are no hard and fast rules and there are pros and cons to both scenario so when you feel ready for it then I would go for it. Good luck

I was pregnant again when my son was 9 months old and I won't pretend it was easy but it is so rewarding seeing them playing together and having common interests when is an easy time to have another baby. One thing that was great though was because DS1 was still a baby he was still having sleeps in the day which was handy I got plenty of rest then.I would say when they start to sleep regually through the night .

squib, I think when you have struggled to get pg and have a child, you have a different perspective and it doesn't really feel like a 'choice'. I honestly have no idea what kind of age gap I would have 'chosen' as the ideal - since it took IVF to conceive ds, I didn't use contraception at all after his birth as I just didn't want to rule out any chance I might have had of conceiving naturally (though ideally of course I didn't really want a superclose gap - but rather that than nothing!) As it happened I needed more IVF to conceive no 2 and will have a gap of 2 years. I'm sure that the closer the gap the more tiring it is in the early years - but of course it does get the most demanding part out of the way.

Not sure whether this helps at all, just wanted to say I can understand your desire to perhaps be a bit 'reckless'. Whether you decide to risk a superclose gap will depend on how well you feel, how old you are, how likely you feel that you'll be able to conceive (and maintain) another pregnancy etc etc. No answer really!

a big thank you to all of you who have replied to my message (my first ever posting to any kind of discussion board).

I guess the posting and my desire to have another baby soon are both linked to the real joy I am feeling now at having a baby, having wanted one for so long.

I am exclusively bf at the mo and will do for 6 months so another pg is unlikely but I am taking those folic acid pills to get me ready for next time. I guess when the 6 months exclusive bf are up we will start trying again and if need be start trying harder and harder (as we did before!).

I am 34, so we have plenty of time.

Best wishes to all

squib, don't rely on bf (even exclusive) - my periods came back pretty much straight away and I'm fairly sure I was ovulating from about 3 months. I know a lot of people who have conceived while bf!

Squib just read your thread both my cousin and my friend became pregnant when their first babys were 3 months - cousin due any day now and her dd is 13 months, she is very tired but is thankfully on maternity leave, her health visitor has arranged for dd to start attending nursery whilst hubby at work to give her time with new baby so at least you know that you can get help. friend decided to try right away but then when dd was just 3 months decided to wait but decided too late as missed period to discover she was pregnant - she is 2 months and her dd is 5 months. I wanted another baby right away to but when dd got to 5 months decided I would die if I was to become pregnant (definateley not in right mental state at this point) - to a certain point I still feel like that but now I dont think I would kill myself if it happened - dd now 9 months and is the light of my life and all the fun in the world - good luck and enjoy this time with your dd

I was planning my second while I was lying in the theatre having my bits stitched after ds

In the end I had 2.7yrs age gap, and it's been nice. They get on really well most of the time.

But as others have said there is no ideal age gap. You can't account for personalities.

I read that your body needs 2 years in between pregnancies to recover, but don't know how accurate that is. It obviously puts more of a strain on your body to have them close together (and as other's have said, you may think better of it in a few weeks ), but it's a matter of personal choice really, isn't it?

My sister was born on my brother's first birthday ... my mum said she sat on the bed in the hospital looking at my sister thinking "Oh my god ... what have I done?" She then went on to have another 2 in the next 3 years ... no wonder she is a nutter!

Congratulations Squib!

With regard to how long to wait - I guess you didn't have a c-section, or you would've emntioned it? I was advised to wait a year to get pg. I did ignore the advice as I didn't want to wait, for loads of reasons. I was alos enormously clucky by the time ds was 6 months. I conceived when ds was about 9 months old, so have 17.5 months bwn mine. I really like the age gap. Like others have said, every gap has it's own pros & cons - my next one is due Nov, so there'll be nearly 3 years, and that seems to be a terrifyingly huge gap to me!

I was interested in you saying you're only 34 so have plenty of time. I'll be 34 in a few days, and feel exactly the opposite - I'm terrified time is running out & we've sort of thought of 4, so I reckon we'll be trying again next summer!

Good luck with whatever you decide & enjoy your lovely dd.

I'm six weeks pregnant and ds is 9 months - ooh err what have we done!, it took me 17 months to conceive ds , so we thought it would take ages again, what a wonderful suprise though, I,ve been dying to tell loads of friends, but you want to be sensible and not break the news too early, but i'm glad to tell you all, i'll be due in early Jan 2004 when ds will be 18 months, i'm curious to know what differences there will be with this pregnancy, at moment feel sick as a dog, no change there!!