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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Everyone around me is getting pregnant. I just want to cry.....

45 replies

LaCerbiatta · 19/05/2009 12:12

My best friend told me today she's pregnant... and she was trying not to. Two more friends got pregnant when they weren't trying... Is it a joke??? Should everyone really just stop trying??

I've been trying for 6 months (I know it's not a lot), but my cyccles are all over the place and I don't think I'm ovulating... I'm on cd 31 and got another bfn yesterday. God knows when AF will come.... probably on day 50 like last month... The most annoying thing is how unsympathetic everyone (or those few people who I actually talk about these things with) is, specially stupid gp and dh

OP posts:
VeryAnnieMary · 19/05/2009 12:18

Big Hug x

MrsTittleMouse · 19/05/2009 12:18

I'm sorry. It really does feel as though you're the only one sometimes, doesn't it? We were TTC with no luck for a year, and then were diagnosed with infertility and not only were loads of friends, relatives and collegues announcing pregnancies, a lot of them were doing the "first month we tried, too - must be doing something right eh? nudge nudge, wink wink" stuff. Which just made me feel like running away. I did an awful lot of nodding and smiling and going home to cry.

How does you DH feel about it? Is he concerned that you're stressing about it so early in the process? 6 months is still considered early in a medical sense, even though it drags when you just want to be pregnant. What does you GP say?

Northernlurker · 19/05/2009 12:21

How old are you?

treedelivery · 19/05/2009 12:24

It must be shit for you. x

MrsTittleMouse · 19/05/2009 12:28

Good point Northern.
Have you had any medical problems before? If you already know that you're not ovulating then you should be referred to a specialist. You can go to a different GP as well, by the way, as some of them are not clued up on fertility issues and are completely unsympathetic.

Original poster
LaCerbiatta · 19/05/2009 12:33

Thanks everyone! I know where to get sympathy!

I'm 35 and have a 3 yo dd, so I shouldn't be demoralised. i just have this fear that the stupid Mirena Coil has completely upset my cycles. Either that or the fact that I don't sleep enough (I have a new job and commute for 3 hours a day so have to get up at 5am) is making me too stressed to ovulate... Could this be possible??? It just occurred to me today...

I keep saying I don't want to start temp charting and getting ovulation kits, but maybe I should?? I just think it will make me more stressed....

OP posts:
cupcakefairy · 19/05/2009 12:38

Tempreature charting is extremely helpful; you may find out you are ovulating at a completely different time to what you thought. I don't find it stressful; you totally get into the swing of it after a couple of weeks. You just take your temp first thing in the morning and if your thermometer records the temp you don't even have to write it down, just go back to sleep (I always do!) ...then my dh records it on the chart later in the day. When you get the shift in temp, bingo, bd time

The change in your sleeping pattern etc could definitely be affecting your cycle, but temp charting over a few months will show you things like that too. Also, if you've had a coil fitted I'd definitely give yourself more than 6 months before you start really stressing. Those things are pretty brutal to the cycle. Good luck, I can totally sympathise with everyone around getting pregnant so easily! Everyone around me is announcing their pregnancies too, straight after my mmc...pretty rubbish isn't it!

Cosmosis · 19/05/2009 12:39

I feel for you I came off the pill in December and have only had 1 period since (in April) so I feel like I am just wasting my time just now. I have started charting to see if I can work out what is going on - at least I might work out if I am ovulating.

Feeling very down about the whole thing at the moment.

ClaireDeLoon · 19/05/2009 12:58

Oh it's an awful way to feel isn't it? Lots of sympathy it really seems just so unfair. And I'm sorry you think your DH and GP are being unhelpful - what have they said that makes you feel this way?

If you think charting may make you more stressed then I wouldn't do it - or just try it for a couple of months to see how you feel/what it may be telling you about your cycles. I did it for the 1st 6 months of ttc (that was after a mc so I started from the same place as you feel now - stressed already) and then decided it wasn't for me anymore, but everyone is different. You may find it helps you feel a little more in control and so less stressed?

Original poster
LaCerbiatta · 19/05/2009 13:01

Thanks cupcake and sorry for your mmc. I can only imagine how sad it must be...

Is this your first time ttc cosmosis? I hope it all ticks back into place soon!

It's at times like this that I wish I could spend more time on mn! It should allowed at work for mental sanity reasons!

OP posts:
Original poster
LaCerbiatta · 19/05/2009 13:08

Thanks Claire. Dh hasn't been horrible, I don't want to be unfair, he just doesn't understand that it is a problem, he thinks it will happen when it's meant to happen and we need to give it time. He's also been incredibly stressed with work, which probably doesn't help.

I went to see the GP when my cycles were regular but a lot shorter that what they normally are (my cycles are normally ~34 days and they were only 24 days). Her opinion was that it was totally normal, totally unrelated to the coil and just a normal change after child birth, Since I have been on contraception since dd was born i wouldn't have noticed the change.... Doesn't sound at all likely to me, but maybe I'm wrong?

OP posts:
ClaireDeLoon · 19/05/2009 13:48

If you're 35 or over (which I note you are) maybe you could go to the docs and ask to start the investigations - you needn't involve DH now if he is stressed at work. just explain that to the doctor. They'll check your hormones on day 2 or 3 of your cycle and again a week before your period is due - I understand that will be tricky of your cycles are irregular though. The second lot of tests will indicate if you're likely to be ovulating or not so either put your mind at rest or start with further investigations and help.

How long did it take you to conceive your dd?

MrsTittleMouse · 19/05/2009 13:51

I think that it's hard for DHs sometimes. They don't have the constant reminder that we have, as things are going on in our bodies. So they can struggle to understand just how consuming it all can be. If you DH is having a lot of stress at work then I can see that it's hard for him to focus on TTC as well, he just wants to ignore it for a while and see what happens. Meanwhile, MN is always a good place for a bit of tea and sympathy.

I don't know about periods changing after childbirth, sorry. My periods have always been the same, but I don't know if I'm unusual.

Original poster
LaCerbiatta · 19/05/2009 14:07

Can I really ask for any tests at this stage, after trying for only 6 months and having conceived before?

With dd I fell pregnant on the 2nd cycle.

OP posts:
pinkmagic1 · 19/05/2009 14:14

It took me 6 months to fall pregnant with my 2nd and my cycle was all over the place after coming off the pill too. With my first it only took 3 months. I know its hard and so upsetting when all your friends seem to be getting pregnant at the drop of a hat but don't give up hope. 6 months is not long really, just seams like an age. Big hug for you.

ClaireDeLoon · 19/05/2009 14:18

If you're over 35 and you've been trying for 6 months you can ask yes, I don't think you already having one child matters - that would affect your entitlement to IVF yes but not to investigations and treatment such as clomid etc. FWIW I'm classed as having secondary infertility even though I have no children as I have conceived in the past and miscarried.

Cosmosis · 19/05/2009 14:19

At 35 they will see you if you have been trying for over 6 months, however I don't know what impact you already having a child might have on that.

My doc did blood tests on me after not having had a period for 4 months after coming off the pill and I'm 34.

Hobnobfanatic · 19/05/2009 14:22

I'm in the same boat - so know exactly how you feel. I'm on the seventh month of trying now. If you're over 35, the docs recommend seeing them if you've been trying unsuccessfully for six months. I've had blood tests done, my DP is having a sperm test, and we have a gynae consultant for next month.

I conceived without really trying last time - just the second month of unprotected sex, so this is so upsetting. I'm terrified I won't get the second child I'm so desperate for, and that DP (new partner) is infertile, or that I'm now too old!

I've found charting to be useful- kind of gives you a focus and something to obsess over, instead of feeling helpless!

Good luck!

Original poster
LaCerbiatta · 19/05/2009 14:40

thanks everyone!
I'll wait to see what's happenning with this cycle and then book an appointment.

I'm also buying a thermometer today!

Thank you all for making me feel more positive!

OP posts:
cupcakefairy · 19/05/2009 16:15

FWIW I think your GP is talking rubbish about cycles being shorter after childbirth.
I haven't experienced it myself but I know a lot about Natural Family Planning. Although the cycle after childbirth will be erratic with breastfeeding, once that is finished it should go back to reasonably how it was before.
Sorry to say but I think it is everything to do with the coil. If you look just at this thread and how many have had problems coming off the pill...it tells you something. I really recommend you chart, it can save a lot of hassle with getting everything tested.

And by the way, it is a VERY common problem with DHs that they don't seem to care as much as us girls! Mine is also of the opinion that 'it'll just happen' one day...and doesn't worry about it a jot. You're not alone there!

cupcakefairy · 19/05/2009 16:21

-Just to say, didn't mean for that last post to sound harsh...should have said even though I believe coil/pill messes with the cycle and conceiving, I do believe time will really help it settle. The body is pretty resilient.
Some GPs just seem to know so little about cycles (Mine was bemused when I told her about temperature staying up if you're pregnant- !!!? Surely she should know that?!) so they just prescribe all these contraceptives not knowing the effect of them...

Anyway, sorry, don't get me going on contraceptives I'll go forever Really do wish you luck with ttc.

PistachioLemon · 19/05/2009 16:30

Hi tugamommy, I've been trying for six months too without any success but have been charting for the last two cycles (so this is my third cycle of charting). It really is very easy. The first month I found quite stressful as I was terrified I'd find out I wasn't ovulating, but now it's quite comforting.

So far, it has shown me that I am ovulating, just much later than I thought I was, and also I've stopped wasting money on HPTs because I can tell if my period is on its way. Last month I didn't test at all (although that's probably just evening out out the millions of tests I used in the first two cycles!).

Anyhow, I'd definitely recommend it, and if you don't like it you can just stop doing it and all you'll have paid for is a thermometer.

Good luck!

cupcakefairy · 19/05/2009 16:39

Yes Pistachio that's what charting is great for- temp drops if AF is coming, and stays up if you are pregnant, no HPTs needed

I use paper charts but apparently you can chart online on something called Fertility Friend so yes, can be done for free

Cosmosis · 19/05/2009 16:44

boots do a thermometer and charting book for about £12, that's the one I've got. Just keep them and a pencil next to your bed and it's sorted.

PistachioLemon · 19/05/2009 16:47

Ah, I use Fertility Friend online to record everything - but just the freebie version. Tis dead easy. Although I'd be less stingy and buy a thermometer with a light and a memory function if I was buying one again!