Right, I have my surge when should I bd?

[doggus]

Hi - I've invested in an ovulation testing kit and have got the big smiley face which means I am surging. So we bd'ed this morning. When else should we bd? Should you do it before the surge as well?

Please don't tell me all that do 'it every two to three days throughout your cycle' stuff - I am 41 and hubby is 52, we have a toddler, and all we have the energy for is a protracted sex marathon in the middle of the month before heaving a huge sigh of relief and putting our jammies back on.

Er, do it every two to three days throughout your cycle. Sorry. I'm 40 and I also have a toddler and DH doesn't get home until 11pm most nights but you can do it if you really try!

The surge usually happens a couple of days before you ovulate so you should have sex before and after ovulation, too. Every two to three days.

Horton - in total admiration at having sex after 11pm with a toddler!

She never wakes up until gone 7.30 so it's not as impressive as all that!

Unfortunately a LH surge is not always followed by ovulation. It is also possible to have more than one LH surge throughout the month. These are the major problems with using such kits.

Ovulation is not an exact science and it can occur earlier, later or not at all in any given cycle. Hence the "two or three times a week throughout your cycle" advice.

Have sex when you both feel like it and refrain from thinking about it being ovulation time as you are more likely than not to be incorrect.

I would also look into having blood tests done now to see what your hormone levels are like. Your LH and FSH levels need to be carefully looked at. It may also now take longer to conceive this time around hence the blood test suggestion.

Hi Attila, thank you. Unfortunately if we had sex when we felt like it, it would be twice a year on our respective birthdays. What is the best way to judge ovulation in your opinion - should I be taking my temperature?

I am booked in to see our fertility specialist down here privately, I guess he will do the blood tests. We have been trying for anearly 2 years, I got preg 3 months ago but unfortunately had a mc.

doggus

Am very sorry to read of your miscarriage. I hope you received and continue to receive support as and when you both need this. The Miscarriage Association are also helpful if you want extra support.

I note that you will be seeing a fertility specialist; you should both be investigated further as a couple to see if there are any problems preventing conception. Both you and your H should be tested in tandem (that is very important).

I would refrain from temp charting because that can lead to more stress on you. I also think you are well beyond that initial stage of temp charting.

I wish you the best of luck. Do keep us posted.

Attila

Sorry to hear about the mc, doggus.

Re not really feeling like sex, I do find that the more I do it the more I want it, if that's not TMI. Sometimes I think, christ, I really can't be bothered, but once we get going I find I do rather enjoy the whole thing after all. Ahem.

Maybe try aiming for once a week to start with and see how it goes? You can obviously try for marathon shagging around the time you think you could be ovulating as well.

We have unexplained subfertility so I do know what you are going through. It's hard, isn't it?

Hi attila and horton. Yes, it reallly is hard going. I am seeing the fertility man next week - attila, I didn't know about testing in tandem, that is really interesting.

What I am dreading is them discovering I am in peri-menopause or something. However at least I have one ds, I can't imagine the agony of all this with no children. It's bad enough wishing for a sibling for ds. I am so sorry about the subfertlity horton, the fact that it is unexplained must be very hard.

I am with you doggus - it's fair enough to say do it 2-3 times a week but like you am in my 40s with a toddler and just can't face it. ANyway doing it just after a period can't usually make you pg, so I don't bother.

I disagree about temping - I think it's great. yes, still seek tests and investigation but knowing your cycle is really helpful, for fertility docs too actually. At least it shows how long your LP is and whether you've actually OVd.

Good luck!

fifitot - thank you, it's not just me, thank God! We tend to have a fallow time for my period and a week after and then just try to do it as often as possible from tehn on.

Can I ask you a quick question - with the temping, can you just use any old thermometer - we have one of those Braun ear ones?

No you need a fertility thermometer which gives 2 numbers after the decimal point as they are more accurate. They don't cost much.

If you go down this route suggest you read Toni Weschler's 'Taking Charge of Your Fertility' is brilliant - if you don't already know about it.

Changed my whole approach to TTC. I know some argue that you should just relax and do it regularly but when you get older you don't have the luxury of time and every BD needs to count IMO!

Thanks fifi I will buy the book. Totally with you on every BD has to count! And I think poor exhausted dh will agree...