This is very long ..sorry but need to tell the story to make people understand ..quite a hard one for me to write.
I had my daughter 10 years ago now but had complications. Due to medical mishaps.
What happened was after the birth of my first (and only) child, I noticed I was bleeding very heavily which I mentioned several times to medical staff and was just given lots of pads.
It was my first baby and so I had no idea whether this was normal or not. They went on to send me home the next day with baby.
Unbeknownst to anybody Placenta had been left inside me during delivery and this was quietly rotting away inside and causing me to bleed internally.
I had complained a bit once home about feeling unwell for about week and seemed to get no urgency about it from anyone though they did take a swab and were in the process of sending off swab to lab which would take a week to come back they said.
This turned out to be little done too late.
Eventually one morning just as I was telling husband I didnt feel right, I hemorraged everywhere , it happened so suddenly and in front of my husband. I always remember his shocked face as I stood there and the blood just billowed out I was covered from waist down in a matter of seconds.
At the time we lived out a bit in the country. Someone called the local doctor as he lived a few doors away and it was Sunday.
This doctor nearly cost me my life as he decided to BOOK me an ambulance for that afternoon (I found out some time after this same doctor gave Spike Milligan too high a dose of anti depressants and almost killed him too)
Everybody had assumed an amublance was on its way after doctor said he had delt with it.
So during waiting time I was left laying on bed bleeding and waiting for an ambulance that wasnt coming until that afternoon.
I cant describe how horrible that period was for me my father had died a month before and I really felt like I was going to be joining him. There was alot of blood and it was very frightening. I did feel this quiet sense of this is it come over me. The worst thing of all was just thinking that I was not going to be around to see my baby grow up.
Eventually alarm was raised by my family about this ambulance that still hadn't showed 45 mins later. They rung hospital who were stunned that the doctor had booked it for the afternoon. They sent 1 immediately but it still had half hour journey to get to me.
When amublance finally came though I had gone into shock. When I got the to the hospital it had reached critical and their was an onslaught of doctors nurses around me. I was terrified I heard them telling my my husband I might not make it.
I wont go into it any further but you get the gist of how traumatic this whole experience was even writing about it now makes me feel sick.
Basically I have so much wanted another baby but have been so afraid.
We have tried on the odd occasion but I always get scared and back out of the whole idea.
I'm 36 and I guess I know time is running out for me and my daughter is 10 I would still love her to have a brother or sister. I really want another little bubba in the house.
I just dont know how I'm ever going to overcome this fear.
Has anyone here ever suffered a similar experience and felt the same way? If so have you gone onto have another and its been ok ? I would really like to know as I feel that its probably now or never for me.