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Conception

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I want a baby but Im frightened..

33 replies

nikkisherri · 18/04/2005 19:32

This is very long ..sorry but need to tell the story to make people understand ..quite a hard one for me to write.

I had my daughter 10 years ago now but had complications. Due to medical mishaps.

What happened was after the birth of my first (and only) child, I noticed I was bleeding very heavily which I mentioned several times to medical staff and was just given lots of pads.

It was my first baby and so I had no idea whether this was normal or not. They went on to send me home the next day with baby.

Unbeknownst to anybody Placenta had been left inside me during delivery and this was quietly rotting away inside and causing me to bleed internally.

I had complained a bit once home about feeling unwell for about week and seemed to get no urgency about it from anyone though they did take a swab and were in the process of sending off swab to lab which would take a week to come back they said.

This turned out to be little done too late.

Eventually one morning just as I was telling husband I didnt feel right, I hemorraged everywhere , it happened so suddenly and in front of my husband. I always remember his shocked face as I stood there and the blood just billowed out I was covered from waist down in a matter of seconds.

At the time we lived out a bit in the country. Someone called the local doctor as he lived a few doors away and it was Sunday.

This doctor nearly cost me my life as he decided to BOOK me an ambulance for that afternoon (I found out some time after this same doctor gave Spike Milligan too high a dose of anti depressants and almost killed him too)

Everybody had assumed an amublance was on its way after doctor said he had delt with it.

So during waiting time I was left laying on bed bleeding and waiting for an ambulance that wasnt coming until that afternoon.

I cant describe how horrible that period was for me my father had died a month before and I really felt like I was going to be joining him. There was alot of blood and it was very frightening. I did feel this quiet sense of this is it come over me. The worst thing of all was just thinking that I was not going to be around to see my baby grow up.

Eventually alarm was raised by my family about this ambulance that still hadn't showed 45 mins later. They rung hospital who were stunned that the doctor had booked it for the afternoon. They sent 1 immediately but it still had half hour journey to get to me.

When amublance finally came though I had gone into shock. When I got the to the hospital it had reached critical and their was an onslaught of doctors nurses around me. I was terrified I heard them telling my my husband I might not make it.

I wont go into it any further but you get the gist of how traumatic this whole experience was even writing about it now makes me feel sick.

Basically I have so much wanted another baby but have been so afraid.

We have tried on the odd occasion but I always get scared and back out of the whole idea.

I'm 36 and I guess I know time is running out for me and my daughter is 10 I would still love her to have a brother or sister. I really want another little bubba in the house.

I just dont know how I'm ever going to overcome this fear.

Has anyone here ever suffered a similar experience and felt the same way? If so have you gone onto have another and its been ok ? I would really like to know as I feel that its probably now or never for me.

OP posts:
milward · 19/04/2005 12:40

Loads of best wishes nikkisherri - as bubble99 says "get goin' girl"

nikkisherri · 19/04/2005 16:36

Hi Kidstrack, very similar you're almost made to feel foolish for mentioning it to them. You trust that they are taking the best care of you and clearly they didnt with you either. Makes me angry to hear they acted so flippant with you too! Great to hear that you went on to have another though & very encouraging indeed. I will book that appt with the Doc and talk about it properly. Im glad you shared your experience I understandhow awful it is to drudge it up too but its been a great help Thankyou.

OP posts:
mears · 19/04/2005 17:17

nikkisherri - you really must get an appointment with your GP to discuss your fears. He could arrange an appointment with an obstetrician or senior midwife who could go over all your questions with you. Are you in the UK? I see in your post a doctor delivered your baby. Did you need a hand with forceps? Did you have a midwife visiting you daily when you got home?

As has been said already, great care would be taken to try and ensure this did not happen again. At delivery the placenta and membranes are checked to see if they are complete. I have to say that sometimes it can be difficult to tell, but sometimes it is obvious that the membranes are really ragged or the placenta looks as if there is a piece missing. If placenta is missing then the woman is taken to theatre to have it removed. If the membranes are ragged then she is observed for excess bleeding. Membranes are usually passed on their own.
In your case, there would be vigilance on the professional's part, therefore keeping a close eye on things. It is unlikely that this would happen again.
You would need a lot of support to help you through another pregnancy but I am sure that you would feel more reassured by speaking to someone who would be involved.

nikkisherri · 19/04/2005 17:53

Hi Mears,
I am in the UK yes and was at the time when I had my baby but I had had to move suddenly right at the end of my pregnancy in the 8th month to a completely new area due to my fathers death to support my mum at that time,so moved from Surrey to Sussex.

I ended up having my baby there. It was not the best hospital it has to be said and the night I went in they were overloaded.

A doctor did deliver the baby and the labour wasn't a good 1 as I got high blood pressure and yes I did have to have forceps delivery and that didnt seem to go too smoothly either.

Throughout I didnt really have consistent care with any 1 person during the actual labour have no idea if that is normal either.

Afterwards I did have daily visits from a midwife but becuase I had mentioned at the hospital about the bleeding and they seemed to not to be that bothered I assumed it was possibly normal.

I did mention to the midwife who said that bleeding would stop eventually. When it didn't and seemed to get worse accompanied by green stuff and the fact I felt pretty unwell I said to her again and she did a swab which was to be sent off , however by then it was just too late.

My biggest fear is a repeat performance. Or that this episode has left me damaged inside in some way as I had several infections afterwards and recurring over the years and worried that this may have damaged me in someway and may cause more complications obviously very nervous about not getting the right care.

Would love to have another baby but it has been this in all honesty that is holding me back everytime.

I have taken on board all the advise given and I do feel that maybe I will be looked after better if I discuss all my fears with them. Least I hope.

OP posts:
Flumpette · 19/04/2005 20:05

My best friend had a bad experience whilst in hospital that nearly cost her her life but she has since gone back to the hospital to talk about what happened and why and it really helped her to move on. Perhaps talking to a professional would help to reassure you and if they know you've been through so much I'm sure they would give you extra care ie. midwives at your local surgery. Why don't you book an appointment to visit them? It's a positive move before you even try to conceive. Good Luck

Kidstrack2 · 19/04/2005 20:50

Wishing you well at your appointment whenever that maybe, We are all rooting for you.

PARTTIMEBLONDE · 26/05/2005 01:26

hi nikkisherri ive just read your story and it sounds like i wasnt alone with a bad birth exp i had an awful time and swore id never have another baby after my first son was born but to make a long story short i got pg on the pill worried myself sick for nine months an ended up with another lovely baby boy had no problems at all i told the midwife what id been through before and she was great and she monetered me to make sure everything went ok and now im glad to say ive just had a baby girl and i didnt feel like i had a baby at all it was great u were like me and just had a really bd midwife next time please god u can ask to c the placenta and they shuld b able to show u it intact and they should give u a scan before u go home to make sure they got it all and just remember there should never be ay glots bigger than a 50p everthing should work out fine i think everyone has a bad first time exp but dont let that hold u back or u might regret it and now they no what to look out for and u just make sure your happy leaving the hospital good luck go for it and let me no how u get on

NatureDoc · 28/05/2005 19:38

What a fright you must have had - how horrible. There is a company called Nourish who do a HypnoConception CD which basically helps you to foget past childbirth fears and look forward to a new baby etc etc - they also have a list of people who can specifically help with birth trauma etc - they have a website www.nourish-fertility.com. Good luck - I hope you get the confidence to try again.

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