Feel selfish and spiteful for feeling like this

[losittoday]

I have just found out that my 25 year old niece is pregnant and it hurts really badly.
My predicament is that I have been ttc for 18 months have the threat of early menopause hanging over me and not much hope of concieivng.
I was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure back in Ocotber 08 after absent periods and a high fsh level of 62.
I am also 38 so time is running out for me.
I just cannot face any of my nieces pregnancy watching her growing bump to the birth, family members cooing over the new arrival none of it.
I feel as though my insides are being torn out.
My family know of my predicament and put off telling me to start with and shortly after they told me I went off by myself to cry pathetic I know.
I feel like curling up and staying away from any of it how selfish is that.
I know its ridiculous but I don,t know how to get through it and she is my niece for gods sake I should be pleased for her.
Can anyone relate to me feel free to tell me what a jealous so and so I am.

for you. I totally feel for you, you are allowed to grieve for what you may never have, don't beat yourself up about it.

very unmumsnet hugs

You are not selfish or spiteful.

no your not

its natural to feel like this.i felt the same for years watching everyone inc my younger sister have kids

i had my first at 36 and my last at 40

dont give up hope
x

losittoday what your feeling is a natural,not selfish.you have an ache for the baby you've yet to have... it must be so hard for you,.give yourself some time, you have a lot to deal with.> ,and im sure your family will understand.good luck wih ttcx

Thanks
I feel as though its going to be a rough ride.
My family including my sister who is my nieces mom have said they understand what I am feeling and think that I need to seek counsiling as they don,t think I can overcome things on my own.

Hi Losittoday

I could have written your first post - I had a very similar situation to you.

At the time I had been trying to conceive for nearly a year when a family member came over to my parents house to announce that she was pregnant and was thinking that she was 9 weeks, she didnt know and it was a total surprise (sitting there with her no-mark boyfriend). I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach at the time and totally winded. The only other person in the room that knew of my predicament was my Mum. I had to leave the room and ended up in the bathroom in tears. It turned out she was 15 weeks. She had her child and it was hard being in the hospital and attempting to "coo" over the newborn. I fell pregnant that month but unfortuately had a miscarriage 8 weeks later. Since then, three years ago, I have had a further 2 miscarriages. In a funny way she can't look at me properly or even talk the way we used to.

I hope you have the confidence to have your head held high when the baby is born - it is extremely hard, but life is funny and you never know what is ahead of you.

I wish you all the best
x