Wanting to make an informed choice

[victoralice]

Hi, I'm new to mumsnet but not new to parenting. I have 2 children, my daughter who is 6 and a half and my son who is nearly 4. My husband and I are considering dipping our toe in the water once again, the only problem is I'm 38 next month. I want to make an informed choice, my GP is lovely and gave me the statistics about a downs syndrome baby, I'm the kind of person who always thinks the worse but as I'm not pregnant yet I didn't feel I could reel a list of what if questions off.I'm very much of the opinion that whatever the baby it will be wanted and loved but part of me is hesitant, what if we take this step and have a baby with disabilities is it fair on the baby and the other children. I'm very much in the dark as I know nobody who has either a downs syndrome child or a child with disability.

I hope I don't sound prejudiced, it's not how I'm trying to come across, I just need some opinions from other mothers out there.

As for myself during pregnancy I suffer from low blood pressure during pregnancy which is something that might aid me in a later pregnancy.

Thank you for your honest opinions

no advice really, just bumping for you.

I do know there are plenty of mn'ers out there who have children with down syndrome, or other conditions who I think would tell you that their children have been nothing but a blessing both for them and their other children.

hi, welcome to MN
IMO there is just as much of a chance that you will have a healthy child as there is you have a disabled child and it all comes down to planning YOUR baby and if it doesnt matter to you whether your baby has a disability and you will love any baby you are blessed with then that is your answer
i know of quite a few ladies on here who are 40+ and are either pregnant with or nursin g their new baby yes, age does become an issue but that is only from a medical viewpoint. i say if you want another child then go for it
good luck
xx ei xx

Hi there,

I'm 34 and am PG with my first child. We had a high risk result from an initial screening for DS and even though we have since been given the all clear, I read quite a bit about it while we were waiting for further testing. With advanced systems these days, they moved the high-risk age threshold nearer to 40 (whereas it used to be much lower).

But there are lots of ladies on MN of your age or older who have had no problems at all. If you really want to try for a baby, I wouldn't let your age worry you at all!!

xxx

Thanks everyone for replying.

I think I'm still coming to terms with my about face on the subject of another child. Until last month I was perfectly content with my two healthy children. My husband had never wanted more than 2 and as we have one of each I didn't even have the leverage to try for a child of the sex we didn't have. What changed my mind was a pregnancy scare, I was days late and I could have been pregnant but as I'd had a virus I think that had knocked me off course a little but just thinking about the possiblity made us both come to the same conclusion, we'd be delighted.

So yesterday I went to the doctor to ask his opinion, which was go for it but be aware of the risks.

I'm very much of the same opinion as the posters here. Another child would be a welcome blessing. I guess I carry guilt, I have two healthy children, I should consider myself lucky, perhaps I won't be as lucky this time. I KNOW THIS WAY OF THINKING IS FROM MY OWN UPBRINGING AND ONE I DON'T WANT TO INSTILL INTO ANY CHILD OF MINE.Also no one in my family has ever had more than 2 children, time to try to break the mould.

You'll be glad to know that we are going ahead, if it is God's will or fate, it will be. I look forward to contributing some more to the forum.

Alison

Hi Victorialice

I can totally understand your thinking. I have just recently turned 40 and have been trying to conceive for three and a half years, unfortunately I have had 3 miscarriages. Went through all the tests and they have came back, fortunately, normal.

I hope I get to experience becoming a mother but also have that worry of Down's. I know in my heart of hearts if that is what happens we will cope and love that much wanted child.

Just go for it

Hi Amelied,

Thanks for your kind words. I know in my heart of hearts that whatever happens, as long as the baby is viable (is that the right word?) if something is wrong with the baby we would keep it and love it just the same as the other children.

I hope you get your wish of becoming a mother. It's said that the stress of conceiving can take it's toll on actual conception, how you get around this little gem though I don't know. I do know one of my friends went down the adoption route, it took months and just as they were about to finalise details she fell pregnant.

My best wishes for you

Alison

Hi VictorAlice, I turned 38 when I was preg with DS and yes, the numbers are scary when you look at stats. DH and I were worried as no way we would be able to cope with special needs baby - no disrespect to anyone who has special needs babies - but friends of ours have a little boy with special needs and I would never be able to cope with what they go through, nor the financial implications and certainly not the emotional termoil! (I am a wimp!)

We had a private scan at harley street Foetal Medicine centre at 16 wks to identify if the babies heart was functioning normally - Usually Downs babies have heart problems - and it was fine. We then also considered Amnio for extra checking, but the risk of loosing baby with Amnio was much higher than risk of downs baby.

Private scan was about £100 but worth it. Although looking back, I don't know if I would have been able to terminate if it wasn't....

Do some soul searching... there is a book called the Souls Code or something, where it talks about if a "soul" is wanting to join your family, i.e another child. Anyway good luck with your decision!

Thanks, we've decided not to look at the stats, ignorance is bliss, so to speak. I know I couldn't go through an amnio and like you say, what would we do? Well I'm a committed Catholic so there isn't a decision to be made unless the baby was too disabled or in pain to make life viable.

I have managed to have a look around, assess the ages of Mum's down at the school gate. Of the 5 DS babies I know only one was born to an older mother.

Thanks for recommending that book, you never know, I might just need it.