Friend ttc for 7 months for DC2 & getting disheartened

[soundbites]

Hi ladies

I had my friend round whose daughter was born the same day as mine (2 years 1 month). I'm due with DC2 in 5 weeks and she has been ttc since July. Out of our group with children all the same age, one had her second child in Oct, another in Feb, one due in March and two of us in April, and she told me about 3 other friends who have just announced their pregnancies. All this is really getting her down and she was in tears yesterday. We both fell pregnant the first month of trying with our first babies, and, although I took 3 months for this baby, I don't really know what to say to her. 7 months doesn't seem that bad and her DH lost his job at Christmas so they have been really stressed and she is talking about going back to work instead, so I'm sure that can't help. They have just started some kind of ovulation monitoring thing, so she says that means that they have moved to 'actively trying' now.

Any ideas on what is normal for conceiving a second child and what I (with my large bump) can say that isn't going to sound trivial? I want to support her and make her feel that she can talk about it.

Thanks

Soundbites

Hello Soundbites.
The fact that you are asking this shows what a great friend you are.
Does your friend have access to the internet? There are alot of people on here in a similar boat to her, I for one am on my 18month of trying for number 2.
I came on here, probably feeling much the same as your friend, and it has truly helped me to realise I am not abnormal, and alone.

5 weeks, not long left at all for you, congratulations.

Hello soundbites

Your poor friend I have also been actively trying for 7 months now for DC2. Also had a lot of friends announce their pregnancy in this time so I can imagine how your friend feels.

However, I think it is normal for it to take up to a year to get pregnant, even if you have no fertility problems.

How old is your friend? I found a website that gives you the statisitcs for TTC for different ages here

So if you're in your 30's it takes on average 9 months to conceive. And that's on average so obviously it will take some people longer. So you can reassure your friend that's it's totally normal to take some time. I know that this still won't stop her worrying and stressing about it though!

I have told myself that I'm not allowed to get upset / stressed about it until we have been trying for exactly a year. So if by the 1st August it hasn't happened for me then I'll allow myself to be upset and will be going to the Drs for tests!

soundbites, that's so hard for your friend when everyone around her is getting pg

It isn't an especially long time to be ttc but her age is a huge factor - if she is over 40 I would be going to the docs right now.

However, if she is in her 30s, like PP says a year of ttc would be expected before seeking help (although you could always lie about this ).

As for what you can say, not much I'm afraid. "I'm really sorry, I can't imagine how hard it must be, I'm here for you if you want to chat", would be about all I would have expected. Please don't tell her to relax!

We has been 'actively' TTC for 7mths for our 1st, this month I found it really hard but am now feeling better and more upbeat from reading these threads.

One thing a friend asked me "are you doing it on the right days?" Does not go down well!

I think that just lots of encouragement and a listening ear really helps.

You could suggest Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. The most important thing is to have sex at the right times and this book clearly shows you when those times are.

Hi soundbites, I know how your friend feels, I have been trying for another for 16 months now and most of my friends have already had their babies. Even though I'm happy for my friends' pregnancies I still find it very hard if they discuss babies or any details of their pregnancies with each other in front of me because it makes me feel really left out. But it sounds like your doing the right thing already by listening to her. Really, 7 months is not very long at all, but it still gets you down because you never know how much longer you'll have to wait.

Thanks so much for all your responses and for sharing your experiences with me. I really appreciate it. And best of luck to all of you trying. We have had it so easy and it is also so easy to take it all for granted. She is 32, by the way, so would fit into the 'average 9 months' category.