I think we finally decided last night that we're not going to try and have another baby.

[wannaBe]

For anyone who doesn't know the history, started ttc in May 2005, did the usual obsessing/testing if late/imagining I must be pg, although was aware could take time as had taken 13 months to conceive ds. Missed a period in april 2006 and gp told me I was pregnant even though all tests negative. Then period arrived exactly a month late and was put down to just one of those things. Had blood tests which showed hormone levels etc ok. Dh then dx with a low sperm count in august 2006, so we basically resigned ourselves to not being able to have any more children. Had pretty much given up since then, although I have had blips when I've been late and have rushed out and bought a test only for it to be negative. But have known really for past 2.5 years that we cannot have any more children and thought I was fine about that as didn't want to go down the assisted conception route.

Then about six months ago I started to wonder if I would regret not actively doing something to try and conceive, so we seriously talked about the possibility of IVF. And although I'd looked into what is involved etc, we hadn't come to a firm decision about it.

So last night we finally had a chat about it. And although we both do want another baby, neither of us is totally committed to the idea of having IVF. I know it works for some, and that's great, but to me it just feels like a clinical exercise with no guarantees. And when we talked about it, although I could see myself going for one cycle, when I considered the fact we could then have embrios left, I would want to try with those too as I couldn't contemplate the possibility of destroying embrios that could possibly become my children, and so I could see how one cycle could lead to more cycles and more expense and more emotional turmoil.

And although we didn't decide that IVF was wrong for us, we couldn't be 100% sure that it is right either, iyswim?

So I think that our indecision has made the decision for us and that I am now 100% certain there will be no more babies in the wannabe household.

AM not going to go back on the pill or anything as I can't get pregnant anyway, I just think this chapter in our lives needs to be closed now.

wannabe, I hope your decision brings you peace. I know you have been grappling with this for a while now.

If you're definite then ignore what I'm about to suggest...
Have you thought of IUI? It can work for low sperm count problems as they take the sample, wash it pick the best contenders and then inseminate you when your egg is ready. No embryos left over to worry about, just the same as well timed normal intercourse for a couple without problems. It's much cheaper too and you could stop at any point without any embryos 'left over'. I expect you've looked into it about it already though. It might be a way into seeing if assisted conception is right for you too?

Thank you expat. I think that if I'm honest I've known for a while that I need to resolve this, and I also think that the older ds has got, the more I've been thinking that I need to be grateful for the things I have rather than spend my life wishing for the things I don't. I have always been a believer that things happen for a reason and deep down I know it just wasnt meant to be, even though it's taken me a while to figure that out. . I have a beautiful ds, and this is the family I was meant to have, and the life I was meant to have.

Nomoremagnolia we did look into the possibility of IUI but I was put off by the very low success rate - lower than ivf iirc, also I think dh's count may be too low for that anyway.

hi wannabe - good you have made decision. hope you feel okay about that. have a wonderful time with your dh and ds and I hope you have a happy life (which sounds horribly like have a nice life in a bad way but I don't mean it like that at all)

Lower sucess rate but less 'commitment' than IVF. I hope whatever you decide that you find peace It's a tough decision to make.

Adoption?

Fostering?

georgemama I wouldn't be allowed to adopt as I have a disability and the disabled are not allowed to adopt in this country.

I'm sorry, I didn't know that.

no need to apologise . Tbh I think the adoption process is probably just as stresssful if not more so than the assisted conception route,

I absolutely understand Wannabe. We have had the same conversations in this house too.

I am starting, at last, to feel more at peace with the decision. It has been helped, in part, by us finding the house of our dreams - a complete renovation project. It's something I can pour my energies into, rather than into obsessing about a second child.

Well done for making the decision.