Secondary Infertility - Anyone else??

[duplomania]

Hi,

Does anyone want to share their story with me?
I have got a wonderful dd age 2.5 and have been trying for another one for 16 months now. Dp and I have had all the tests, diagnosis was unexplained infertility. we're having IUI now, but without success so far.
All my friends have either had their second children or are pregnant again. I want to feel happy for them but I just feel sad and isolated - and angry with myself for not having started ttc earlier.

Anyone in the same boat? I would love to chat to people who understand, dp just thinks I'm ridiculous to complain about our situation.

duplo

has anyone else tried to cure secondary infertility by using herbs, vitex etc?

Hello ladies - there is a similar sort of thread here where you will find some very inspiring stories - esp if you are slightly older.

anniemac, I am sorry to hear of your loss. it must be so hard, especially when you are trying for so long. we too have been trying for nearly 2 years.
went to gynae in harley street who wasted my time and money doing out-dated tests. moved onto herbs and vitamins, dont know if they are working or not, as not pregnant.
i visited a very reputable gynaecologist today who seems to think that something went wrong during my first (and only) pregnancy, where i had my daughter and has set up some tests. fingers crossed for all of us

Me too!

Had ds who is 6 (7 next month) when I was 36 (and 1 miscarriage - only took 1 month) and I'm now 42.

Have been trying for over 5.5 years.

I have been counting the benefits of having one child and I've also been slowly grievng about not being able to have any more kids. I don't really want to end up with 2 'only' children i.e my ds 9 years old then a baby. (sigh)

I've started to get my mind around getting rid off all the baby stuff we have up in the loft and I've actually set a rough date to this (in mind). I haven't told my dh yet, but I suppose I will soon as I think he's going to need a grieving period as well.

My rough date to start clearing out the loft of baby stuff is in the summer holidays.

Starplayer
I very recently read a thread about a woman who gave away and sold all of her baby stuff after years of trying and got pregnant within a couple of months. sorry possibly not helpful. it may help to just think of it as 'stuff' and that you can always get more if you are lucky enough to have another baby. Good luck and be happy.

Ta for that Ailz

Me too.

Have a DS who is nearly 4. Been TTC for 2.5 years. I'm 37 and DH is 39.

Blood tests and OV sticks indicate I am ovulating. DH tests were ok (he actually had to do 3 samples, abnormal forms were a bit more than usual in the first 2 samples, and they weren't sure if he'd got the samples in quick enough.)

Currently on my 5th round of clomid. Not sure whats next if that fails. IUI? Can you get IUI on the NHS if you've already got a child?

Feel like my family is incomplete and my life is on hold - all my sons friends have siblings and I seem to have friends getting pregnant (some with their 3rd children - aaagh!) right left and centre.
I get quite depressed about it sometimes but other times I tell myself not to be so ungrateful, I have one lovely child and should count my blessings.

squeezylouisie
I too have a 3 year old and have been trying for 2 years almost for 2nd child, have been to gynae, who gave 4 rounds of clomid, before i quit, had bad feeling about the whole thing, moved on to a herbalist, which i am glad i did, even though i am not yet pregnant. i have also just been to a top gynae in hammersmith and he has been the most helpful and seems convinced that the reason i am not pregnant is due to a problem which i may have developed during my pregnancy or during the birth. he has set up x-ray, scan and blood tests for me to do once period begins. i am happy now to be investigating the reason for lack of pregnancy rather than trying to medicate myself to become pregnant, with clomid. do you see what i mean? he said that you could give clomid to me forever and not get pregnant, if tubes are blocked or uterus scarred or if placenta caused damage to the uterus ie it may have stuck together in places etc, sometimes it is better to investigate the problem rather than taking clomid. clomid is a miracle drug if you are not ovulating, but you and i are ovulating. there is something wrong and it needs to be found. it is however expensive, but we have wasted money on a bad gynae in the past, who used out-dated tests. IUI is good if problem is with man apparently, though the gynaes are not happy with the results that they get from it. expensive and often a waste of time. hope this is helpful. sometimes we just need to stop and think about it, i find.
I wish you all the best. it is a pain!

thanks Ailz. TBH Im pretty unconvinced that clomid will work for me given all the signs are that I am ovulating anyway, but thought i might as well give it a go. Think I might just go back to the fertility clinic if this cycle doesn't work. We are going to a fertility clinic through the NHS - they have done very few tests so far (just blood tests). I was surprised they put me on clomid so quickly but I guess its cheap and maybe they hope if they give you sth for 6 months it'll keep you quiet and you might get pregnant in the meantime and then not have to use any more of their resources

Squeezylouisie
ooh you are a sceptic like me then!
I try my best to be positive about these things, but i cant help but be suspicious of these docs. I really wonder sometimes if they have a clue. my new gynae pretty much said clomid is useless if something is wrong. and it is so true, it is so obvious, but they just prescribe it anyway without investigating. if men could get pregnant, they would do all the investigating they needed! i think us women are considered a bit hysterical! men eh and lets face it most gynaes are men.
However I hope clomid works for you. it worked for so many others and it is good for regulating hormones and cycles and producing more than one egg. Fingers and toes crossed!

one other thing, have you tried the temping thing? i just found out that if your temp stays high for 3 days at ovulation they you are definitely ovulating, but if it drops then you have not ovulated, even if opk says you have. it was news to me.

tried temping for a bit but I wasn't very successful - you have to take it before you get up and start moving about don't you? and i always forgot or got disturbed by my DS (or else DS would take the thermometer out of the bedside cabinet and put it somewhere random in his room so I couldn't find it...)
must admit i didn't know about the 3 day thing though so maybe I will attempt again for this cycle.

everything crossed (apart from legs obviously! ) for you and everyone else TTC out there

kids eh? good luck you too.

Ailz and SqueezyLouise ... you could both be me!!!

I too have a 3 and a half year old DS and we have also been trying TTC#2 for 2 years now.

We have had all the tests... SA day 21 bloods, HSG, scans both internal and external (all clear)and are on round 4 of clomid ... of which I am very sceptical as it had been shown through blood tests that I was actually already ovulating. I have officially been classed as having 'unexplained secondary infertility' and I really believe I have been sent away for 6 months with my pills in the hope that something will happen whilst they scratch their heads and wonder what to do with me!!!

I conceived DS very quickly and stupidly didn't really expect it to take very long this time around either. Many of my first time baby mums already have number 2 or are pregnant ... one is even on number 3! It is taking a huge toll on both DH and me .. which is possibly now compounding the problem we have!

I have just been reading about lesions on the uterus caused by c-section ... which could possibly apply to me, as I had to have an emergency section with DS after a bit of a traumatic labour.

I am off to google yet again...... !!!!

Lots of luck to both of you and eveyone on here. Thanks for sharing all your stories and feelings.

I totally agree wih the toddler party circuit nightmare and have always felt appalled with myself for feeling so selfish and ungrateful. Thank you for making me feel 'normal'
x x x

Hope my story is encouraging and helps in some way. I am now 18 wks pg with #2 having ttc for nearly 3 years. I also had a diagnosis of secondary unexplained infertility. DD (now 5)was conceived immediately and like lots of you I had just assumed we could pick our moment for #2 .

All tests were normal and I was ovulating normally too. Had one go at IUI which was abandoned as I was massively overstimulated - but at least it did show I had a cyst on my right ovary which no one had spotted at previous scans.

We were contemplating IVF (very half-heartedly) so decided we would invest in some private investigations first - still loads less expensive. I went on to have a laparoscopy where they found I had endometriosis and a haemorrhagic ovarian cyst with about 2 years worth of 'old blood' in it (sorry if tmi!). This can apparently be catastrophic to fertility in several ways not least because it causes inflammatory substances to kill off sperm. This was lasered away at the same time.

Anyway, after a month on the Pill (to prevent my ovaries from going mad before they were healed) and then 3/4 more months ttc and I got pg.

The only other thing we did differently that month was have loads of sex - every day for about 9 days which incidentally we had tried before to no avail - plus, and this my be irrelevant, I had lost lots of weight over Xmas because I had 'flu. (Wasn't technically overweight to begin with but at the upper end for me. Some women's hormones are more affected by abdominal fat and I lost a fair bit of that...)

Anyway, enough rambling. My point is secondary infertility is not unexplained until you have been properly investigated (my very nice consultant pointed this out). I felt rushed into IVF - age was a big factor, I am now 40 - and somewhere deep down 'knew' there must be a reason.

The years of ttc were horrible and I genuinely sympathise with everyone here. I felt resentful, unable to congratulate pg friends or chat normally about their babies, reluctant to go to places where babies would be etc. I can now do all these things normally (so none of us has become inherently mean or unpleasant!) but I have been sharing the news, I hope, in tactful ways in the knowledge that it is not likely to be 100% welcomed by everyone. Some people were incredibly crass when I was on the receiving end IMO.

Anyway, please get properly investigated and don't give up. I was truly sick of 'sex for procreation', DH and I bickered constantly, and it all seemed utterly pointless after nearly 3 years. But it wasn't pointless and I am very grateful.

Bluemoomin and iwillbepositive (congratulations!), thanks for your messages, i love to hear great outcomes just as much as i love to hear of people going through same thing! Bluemoomin it is funny and terrible that there are so many of us out there and that we all seem to have the exact same story! positive - you are right that it cannot be officially called unexplained infertility if it has not been investigated properly. i really think it is sad how many women are being prescribed clomid incorrectly, as they are ovulating perfectly fine and it is something else causing their infertility (i know it works on some ovulating women and that is great). I am waiting for period to start so that i can get started on tests (x-ray, scan and bloods) to see where we go from here. I have finally seen a confident gynae who has not mentioned clomid! it is expensive but cheaper than ivf. dont want to rush into that unnecessarily although it may be a possibility. he seems to think first pregnancy or labour caused the problem. I am really looking forward to finding out. Thanks again for your msgs and good luck to everyone!

I'm in the same situation as most of you.
Ds is nearly 4, he was conceived on the 3rd month of trying. I also thought it would be as easy to conceive dc2, so we didn't start trying until Jan 2007. After a year I went to the gp, who said she wouldn't normally refer until 2 years, but in view of my age (40 this year) would refer at 18 months.
The diagnosis of secondary infertility is just so useless! Nothing seemingly 'wrong' with either me or dh, except my eggs being old and therfore not very good. That said, I had an AMH blood done and was told the results were 'normal' - which wasn't particularly useful either!
I am one of two from my baby group who hasn't had a second child, and it's getting harder and harder for me to fail to conceive, month in, month out. I had a chemical pragnancy in November last year.
But apparently, all we need to do is relax and it'll magically happen

I love my ds to bits, but feel sad at the thought of him being an only. When do you decide that enough is enough and you should be grateful for the family that you have?

MrsMopple
Sorry to hear you are so down. I think you should not give up, but at the same time you have to live your life and not be depressed about it. Because we have one child, we all feel we deserve another. there are women out there with no children who feel that they deserve one child. So everyone has a different idea of what they deserve.
I believe investigation is the way to go. a proper investigation at a highly recommended gynae because there IS an explanation. however this is not for everyone. even if they find out the problem it does not mean we will get pregnant and it is expensive. Some people are able to come to terms with it, really come to terms with it, not pretending like we all do from time to time! I hope you have finally been referred. Good luck and be forceful!

Thanks Ailz.
Unfortunately, my PCT will not do anything on the NHS for me, because we already have ds, so had to go private for both the AMH and a HSG that I had done (to check that my tubes weren't blocked - they weren't, but nor did they get 'cleaned out' which I'd been told they would do and that lots of women conceive following the procedure). Needless to say, I didn't!
I did get referred last year, which is why I ended up having the tests above, but was pretty much told that the problem is my age and the only option is IVF, which we should embark on sooner rather than later, again because of my age. The trouble is, unless I get another FT job we can't afford to do that and I've been unsuccessful in getting one, despite getting to interviews. I guess I'm just feeling a bit of a failure all round.
Anyway, enough of my moaning, this is meant to be a support each other thread, isn't it?

MrsM - I was also told the problem was my age despite having low FSH and also a normal (albeit low normal) AMH. In fact "the egg is old" was virtually all one particular consultant said! If you can, pay for a laparoscopy - investigations are not really complete without it. You can have endometriosis with absolutely no symptoms, apart from infertility, and it gets more common the older you get. Not saying that you do, but you never know...and it can be treated, even if temporarily, which might give you time to conceive. Normal AMH is a sign, IMO, that something other than age is wrong and it is worth pursuing a 'reason' - soul destroying and expensive though it is.

Good luck

Yes i agree with IWBP and there are so many tests to be done. none of the tests are 100% conclusive, endometriosis and blockages can hide really well, as can hormonal problems. I had a test done about a year ago to check if tubes were blocked (he puffed air into them using a machine) and was told couple of weeks ago by new gynae that this is an ancient method that he has not seen in years and extremely inconclusive, as air goes in and you cannot tell if it comes out again! well i was filled with rage as you can imagine . it was painful, expensive and dangerous to boot! it could have caused blockages, how ironic!
MrsM please feel free to moan all you want..i just want to rant, but i am not down in the dumps at all really, i am usually quite upbeat. i just feel it is not the end of the world if i dont have another one, even though another child is the thing i want more than anything in the world. i just watched the mcCann interview on Oprah and I just am grateful that I have DD here safe, happy, healthy. I do get down about ttc2 or ttFc as someone humorously put it! but not for long. so moan away to your hearts content and dont give up. i saw a couple (on TV)borrow the money for 9 IVFs and were about to give up when they conceived!
Perhaps we are recession-victim-potential-IVFers? Good luck!

i am 29 and have a son aged 10 I've been trying to get pregnant for the past 6 years but haven't succeeded. I have come to accept the son that i have and move on with my life. i have gone to all tests and i also have normal periods which i can accurately predict.

Does anyone know or have used herbal supplements and if they help.

Hello,
I am new to the board for secondary infertility and I am finding it really hard to come to terms with. THe background is we have a DS aged 2 and trying for number 2 for a year. Its been awful and seeing other mums having seconds and getting pregnant is painful.

We dont know what to do. We have been for tests but they so far have all come back normal. We await husbands sperm tests results. I am praying for a problem which sounds negative its just he is unable to produce sperm when we have sex. Sorry tmi!!! This lack of sperm has been going on for months and he blames me for making him anxious about wanting another child. He did manage miraculously to perform a semen test.

I feel so uspet by my husband but want to be supportive too. But I dont feel very supportive. Also the NHS is so very slooooowww in processing results. And then what happens?

Just feel really sad today. Sorry to start on such a downer. Anyone else having problems with their husbands?

maximum123 x

Hope you are all getting closer to your BFP in your journeys.