Feeling the fear but lurking anyway: SWH not TTC

[VeryAnnieMary]

Hey ladies - anyone else like me, lurking here, using no contraception, and wondering what the heck they are doing?

Have posted a few times about ambivalence despite "seeing what happens" (SWH not TTC). But I'm still on here reading up on what everyone else is up to, while occasionally considering going back on the pill due to the fear of the unknown and overwhelming questioning of the rightness of all this.

And then I feel guilty becoause lots of you really want to conceive/are having difficulties or mcs and here I am whittering again about whether to.

Is anyone else SWH not TTC?

Yes, not been using any contraception since January. I have a DS aged 1 and would like another but also worried a little about how I will cope as DS hardly slept for 6mths and also wanted constant holding for longer than that too! I also hated being pregnant but yes we are seeing what happens. I have no idea about half the things people talk about on TTC threads- its all very scientific and I don't think at the moment I want to fill my head with it.

We stopped using contraception last April and I actually found it more stressful 'SWH' than TTC!We have been properly ttc for 3 months now but I still used to analyse when we had had sex etc - I think I am prone to obsessing about things so I prefer that I can now actively get on with it. Plus, every month I felt really disappointed that we hadn't had an 'accident'.

Oh, I'm obsessing about anything and everything - both conceiving and not conceiving, what if we have problems, what if we don't etc etc etc. good for you Supercherry for keeping your head, very admirable.

katster37 - interesting. We've only beeing SWH for a paltry 6 weeks and I've already wee'd on a stick. I think we're supposed to BD this weekend and then next week for this month's cycle and my libido keeps peaking and troughing in a rollercoaster of fear. I'm glad you are clear about what you want - and a bit envious.

No veryanniemary I think I still fear the fear - this month I did actually conceive but then had horrid cramping and extra long period (still going on...) and I was actually relieved when it came - I knew something was wrong and I actually felt like i was having a mini panic attack at not knowing what was going on inside me I don't think you're meant to say things like that. But I do feel relieved that it did actually work once, and so am optimistic for this month. I think it's totally normal to feel a roller-coaster of emotions. It's such a huge thing and it's all going on inside your body and you can't really control it - atleast that's how I feel. The consolation I have is that I have never met a mum who doesn't say her children are the best thing to ever happen to her (they may well all be lying...) so I'm sure it can't all be bad.... I hope you feel better about it all soon X

Thaks katster and sorry to hear about your experience. It's frightening both ways, isn't it? I've never been that in touch with what my body is doing - I have a pregnant friend who is perfectly in tune with herself and I know I never have been, I'm squeamish about bodily functions and more happy dressed than undressed. And yet my hormones are telling me that they need this. It's such a confusing time, like stepping off a precipice with only faith to cling to.

Thanks VeryAnnieMary but it's only been a month or so- ask me again in 6 and I might be feeling slightly different!

Are you both TTC or SWH with baby no.1?

Because yes it's far more scary first time round.